It’s not about marriage.
Image via Twitter (@goldiehawn).
It’s a love story literally made in Hollywood, but the secret behind Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell’s 32 year-long relationship is not the traditional “happily ever after” story that celebrities often push.
The 69-year-old actress has spoken to Porter Magazine about what makes a successful, long-lasting relationship, and surprisingly it’s not marriage.
“A lasting relationship isn’t about marriage. It’s about compatibility and communication,” she says.
“And you both need to want it to work. If one person does not want it to work, it isn’t going to work. Intention is the key.”
It’s her take on disagreements in particular that has us fist pumping.
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“It’s also about not losing yourself in each other. Being together, two pillars holding up the house and the roof, and being different, not having to agree on everything, learning how to deal with not agreeing. Everything’s a choice,” she says.
According to relationship psychotherapist and Director of Clear Day Consulting Dr Jim O’Connor, Hawn is spot on.
“It’s all about intention. A relationship has to begin with the intention to create happy and fulfilling experiences and as a result a happy and fulfilling life,” he says.
“A successful relationship requires high level communication skills, conflict resolution skills, the capacity to co-operate, the desire to care and whether your partner adds value to your life,” he says.
Hawn and Russell, 64, first met in 1968 but did not start dating until 15 years later when they starred together in the film Swing Shift.
Both have been married previously – Russell to actress Season Hubley and Hawn to Gus Trikonis and Bill Hudson, with whom she had daughter Kate Hudson.
Along with the three children from their previous marriages, the couple have one son, Wyatt, who is also an actor.
According to Kate Hudson, the reason the pair (who she refers to as "her parents") have never tied the knot is because they don't feel the need.
"One of the reasons why they have never got married is because they have been married before and they like it the way it is," she told Women's Health last year.
"They don't feel like they need a piece of paper to be committed. So for me, I know that marriage is not a golden ticket."
Speaking to Radio 4's Woman's Hour in 2012, Hawn revealed another secret behind her relationship with Russell.
"You have to like the way each other smells," she said. "[For us], the pheromones haven't gone away, the chemicals are still popping."
She also warns that it won't always be rosy.
"You don't always agree with your mate. You don't even like them sometimes. But there is something there that sparks you. You have to focus on that as you move on," she said.
"I think Kurt's an extraordinary person. I love being with him and I love our family and I love our family life."
In the interview with Porter, Hawn reiterated the importance of family.
"Kurt came from three sisters and a very strong family unit. I came from one sister and two parents and a big family unit. That's what we care about," she says.
"We talked about relationships and commonality early on. We had nannies, there's no doubt about it. We've both been working. But we were very present with our children."
Want more? Try:
"Kate Hudson tells why she might never marry."
"Two women think our answer to divorce is short term marriage contracts."