'Girls are writing lists about why you shouldn't have children. Let me tell you why it's wrong.'

It's all over TikTok at the moment. 

Hundreds, if not thousands, of young women and girls writing monumentally long lists about why they will never have children. About why they will never put themselves through the pain of childbirth, or the 'misery' of raising a child.

The reasons are many, and range from "giving birth hurts" and "pre-eclampsia" to "your teeth can fall out" and "huge nipples". 

See one of these lists here under the hashtag #thegirlwiththelist and #reasonsnottohavechildren. Post continues after video. 

@girlwiththelist1 Unruly kids are the worst. #childfreebychoice #girlwiththelist #childfreetok ♬ original sound - Girl with the list

At first, I was one of the millions of people who watched and loved the content. 

As someone who doesn't want children, it was refreshing to know that there were other people out there like me. 

When I was little, my mother had developed a calcium deficiency in her teeth which resulted in her needing dentures by age 45, but for a long time no one spoke about how it was caused by pregnancy. It made me realise few people understand that there are a lot of side effects when it comes to parenting and raising a child. 

Trends like '#childfreebychoice' and '#girlwiththelist' were reducing the stigma around choosing not to have kids. Any conversation that sheds light on the reality of what women go through every day gets a tick in my book.

They have also remarkably shifted the way pregnancy is discussed online, revealing just how important comprehensive health education is. Another indisputable tick.

But over time, something shifted in me — or rather, something shifted in the trend. 

@yuniquethoughts Just your daily reminder to take your birth control😌 #yuniquethoughts #kidssucksometimes #parentsoftiktok #yeetusthefetus ♬ original sound - Yuni

The lists became cruel. They attacked babies for having needs as opposed to pointing out the real health risks that parents face when they fall pregnant and have children.

Instead of empowering the voices of those who had struggled, they demonised children in general. The trend had morphed into something different. 

Something unlikeable. 

When we speak over those who have chosen to have kids and use their experiences to fuel our own agenda - in this case, the child-free by-choice movement - then we are diminishing what they gone through. 

Listen to this episode of No Filter with Virginia Tapscott. Post continues after audio. 

For women, this isn't anything new. We're used to being spoken over, ignored and having our words twisted. 

A mother letting us know that childbirth is painful is important. And it is by listening to parents that we can make more informed decisions about their reproductive rights. 

I'm all for discussing the pros and cons of pro-creating. But not at the expense of mothers - or children. 

Feature Image: TikTok. 

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