People always have a lot of sympathy for new mums, don’t they? It makes sense – they’re knackered because they’ve been up in the night feeding, changing nappies or trying to coax a windy baby back to sleep.
We reassure new mums that it will get better and it often does, at least in the short term. But where does that sympathy go when you are stuck with a toddler who has become a right pain in the arse at night? Suddenly those newborn days seem almost preferable, because at least small immobile humans don’t kick you in the head and demand you make them jam toast whilst doing an impression of a cat at 2:45 AM.
If you were to ask me “How are your kids at sleeping?” I would say “Hmm ok. Not great, but okish… you know, depending on the day. Actually. Often. A bit crap.”
If they both sleep through the night and neither one gets up until 6am then it is a big win. I cannot remember the last time that this happened. At the moment, our main problem is our littlest’s habit of appearing in our room and scaring the sh*t out of us in the middle of the night (I say us but tbh his father is mostly unaware).
I know we should probably make some attempt to teach him to sleep in his own bed, take him back to his room quietly and quickly, be consistent bla bla bla but OH the fatigue. It’s always too tempting to just go with the quickest win.
*Although I’ve never made Jam toast at 2:45am whilst pretending to be a cat.*
Anyway, the ideal scenario is that he gets into our bed and goes back to sleep immediately. It happens. Occasionally…
Unfortunately we are also met with other, less preferable outcomes. For example, sometimes he becomes Chatty Kid…
Other times he is I Want To Sing Irritating Songs Kid…
Invasive Kid winds down by spending 30 minutes or so poking or prodding me…
And Cute Kid ups the game with clever distraction techniques (he can’t say love properly yet and pronounces it lush *heart melts*)…
Did you notice the father sleeping through it all? Not for long! Are You Sure He’s Not On Acid Kid will soon see to that…
Often he decides to play Hungry Kid, suddenly demanding to eat the meal he outright refused to even try at dinner time…
All of those scenarios are better than dealing with Angry Kid. No one is really sure why Angry Kid is angry, even Angry Kid himself does not know. He just picks a ridiculous and random thing to get pissed off about and runs with it (whilst ripping the covers off everybody)…
He knows full well that he doesn’t even have yellow wellies.
If we are very unfortunate we might have to deal with Hangry Kid, a horrible combination of the above two, basically meaning we are totally screwed…
In most cases Hangry Kid also turns into I’m Going to Hit Everybody Until Someone Gives Me Their Space In The Bed Kid…
But I’ve saved the best for last. Nothing, no one and no type of night time bed invader is more terrifying than Thinks It’s Already Daytime Kid…
*shudders*
However the good news is that most of the time we are able to persuade our little one back into a peaceful slumber. Unfortunately by that time it’s often around 5:35 AM and DAMN IT just as I’m about to drift back off, I remember – we have another kid who likes to get up at the crack of dawn…
Gimme a newborn any day.
*At least 87% sure I’ve never done it…
This post originally appeared on Hurrah For Gin and has been republished here with full permission. For more of Katie’s work, you can find her on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram.
Top Comments
Oh gosh I do NOT miss those days! Just remember, they will be teenagers one day and you'll won't see them until midday! Yay!
Haha yep 1.Cartoon= me. ('nervy' sleeper)
It's hard enough to sleep (for a variety of reasons..) with the other adult in the bed, let alone the midnight surprise visit from a child. Seriously, if a child gets your bed, you'll probably be sleep-free for the next hour and half.. (exceptions may exist)