To finish up the year that was, we’re going to bring you the most popular Mamamia posts of 2013. It’s like a countdown, an advent calendar of sorts, but one that gets your through the post-Christmas blur and into the new year. We’ve been lucky to have some truly wonderful writers join us to share their thoughts on Mamamia this year. This is the very, very best of what they had to offer. Enjoy.
Thirty six years ago, I fell pregnant with a one-in-a-million baby.
My husband (proud dad-to-be) decided to document every step of my pregnancy in photographs. This one is of me at 39 1/2 weeks. We were so excited we even counted the half-weeks.
You see, at the time we thought those were the chances of us becoming pregnant.
But today, when I look back at this photograph I marvel at my innocence.
All I knew back then was that I was going to have a much-wanted baby, that my husband loved me and that we were just like all young parents: busy preparing the nursery and ensuring I had everything prepared, including having my bag packed and ready at the door.
We felt we were two of the lucky ones, bringing up a child in a country that believed in a “fair go for all.” We thought equality was automatic and assumed.
Eleven years later there was a shift in our family’s prospects. I started to think that James our eldest son might be gay. He had a brother by then too, so we proceeded to make our home gay-friendly. This meant no inappropriate jokes or comments would be tolerated. I just wanted James to feel as at ease with himself as his brother did with himself.
He finally came out at the age of 18, and though I’d made our home safe for him and although I felt no differently toward him, I was absolutely terrified of the uncertain future he faced in the outside world.
It was 1995 and we lived in Queensland where the only right as a gay male, was the right to be gay without fear of arrest. I thought, “This is not fair, his straight brother has all these additional rights like financial rights between partners and the right to marry the person he loves.” They both started out with the same life but now, through this one admission, my son James would be prevented from living an equal life, not just by the attitudes of people but by outdated laws.
I decided, as his mother, that this just wasn’t fair. He had done nothing wrong and it wasn’t fair that he should be discriminated against in his own country. So began my journey of advocating for equal rights for James and other LGBTI people.
For fifteen years I have lobbied and worked on this cause, but still the one fundamental right that sits at the core of what it means for a gay person to feel accepted and equal has yet to be won in this country.
James still can’t experience the privilege of marrying, which is something we, the rest of his family value and can enjoy. He is still not seen as equal to his brother, which is just not fair or right.As a parent, it’s heart breaking to know that regardless of how much we love our children, provide a good education and a stable home and regardless of wealth, we can’t ensure their rights. And regardless of what James does he can neither earn or gain those rights for himself.
I think back to that innocent time when I was 39 1/2 weeks pregnant and I wonder why I never considered the rights of gay people? Or wondered about having a gay son.
Fate has taught me that is a naîve way to think. Any family can produce a gay or lesbian child. So the gay marriage cause is actually a family issue, for all families.
As a parent, I believe there are times you should stand behind your children, other times you should stand beside them, but in this case I feel I should stand in front of James and fight for his right to be seen as equal. Because I brought him here into this world and he, like every other Australian deserves an equal life.
So, I’ll be doing all I can in this election year to remind the politicians that not just families like mine, but all families expect more than our Government has managed to achieve on the subject of marriage equality. I want Australia to catch up to the rest of the world so I can see both my sons enjoy their lives equally.
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Top Comments
Our children (ages 2 - 11), or their future children, could possibly be gay when they are old enough to determine what their sexuality is meant to be.
As parents, why would we ever want them to be an inferior citizen with lesser rights, if they should turn out gay?
Everybody should be given the respect of being able to legally marry the person they love - regardless of that persons gender.
What are these lesser rights? Where do they come from and who gives them to us? Can you please detail these rights?
I believe what she is referring to is the right to marry, the right for financial part pension, automatic financial legal protection (without specific claim), seperation property rights (under federal law), Federal adoption rights for LGBTI, ART and surrogacy bans in some states...the list goes on......
You rock!!! If only there were more parents like you. I too believe my son is gay although he's too young to come out. I don't tolerate any homophobic or racists comments at home or around my child. He is fortunate that he has gay uncles to help him find his way if needed. Australia has a long way to go in achieving equal rights (I hate the term LGBTI rights as it implies people are requesting special circumstances when this isn't the case at all). My only hope is that when my boy comes out, the work people like you do will make it easier for him to marry if he so chooses. Thank you!
I don't think my son is gay, however we do not tolerate homophobic comments either and we talk about how being gay is no different to being straight, just that you love someone of the same gender as you. I feel that, as a parent, it is important for my son to understand that we are all just people, that personal lives are private and that no one has the right to make someone else feel bad because of how they were born.