Note: I have not seen the finale of Game of Thrones. This article does not contain spoilers.
Sometimes, living in Australia can feel a lot like living on an island in the middle of nowhere. Mostly because it is.
Like when the US and Europe are gearing up for summer and we’re… freezing.
Or when the arrival of the royal baby is announced just before midnight on a Monday night.
Or when the globally anticipated season finale of Game of Thrones airs MID-MORNING WHILE MOST OF US ARE AT WORK.
It's not fair, and to be honest, it feels disrespectful to time zones but also our entire country.
Just to recap, people have waited eight years to find out who ends up on the Iron Throne.
That's 70,080 hours.
Or 4,204,800 minutes.
Watch: Things I say while watching Game of Thrones. Post continues after video.
Yes, we've had clues, and we've had theories. But no one knew. Not until... now.
Not until Sunday night in the United States, which happens to be 11:00am Monday morning Australia Eastern Standard time.
It's worth noting, only a tiny demographic of people are watching Game of Thrones at 11am on a Monday. My friend, Nicolle, for example, who took it as a day of annual leave because she is a genius.
Stay at home parents, perhaps.
Shift workers.
Uni students who decided to stop going to uni.
But many of us are (reluctantly) at work, with no choice other than to look away from all forms of digital media for the rest of the day - which is particularly hard when you work on the internet.
So here's a list of rules everyone needs to follow before at least 9.30pm on Monday night:
1. No mentions of being disappointed.
Or frustrated. Or angry. This is a type of spoiler, and I deserve to make my own mind up on the show I've invested a total of three full days watching.
2. No 'OMG WE NEED TO TALK' posts.
That implies something big happened, which I'm sure it did, but I only want to learn about it when I watch it. Myself.
3. No comments about still having lots of questions.
In my mind, every plot in eight seasons worth of Game of Thrones is going to be neatly wrapped up in the finale. Don't ruin this illusion for me.
4. No reactions.
Particularly in gif form. I can read between the lines.
5. No '... have you seen it yet?' texts.
I haven't. I'm at work. And your question implies you want to talk about it, which implies there's a conversation to be had, which implies SOMETHING IMPORTANT HAPPENED.
6. No tributes.
I mean, this is just obvious. No tributes to anyone, because it suggests they've died which is the worst spoiler of all.
7. No adjectives.
Don't use the word 'unlikely'. Or 'explosive'. Or 'conflicted'. Keep them to yourself.
8. No jokes.
"Now our watch has ended."
Shut up. I can't tell if this is related to the finale and it's stressful for me.
9. No talking.
Everything you say could be a clue and I SHAN'T STAND FOR IT.
Just go away.
If in doubt, shut up.
If you have a thought you're burning to share, shut up.
They're the rules.
We can talk again when the fate of Westeros is widely known.
And once we all (hopefully) know what the hell Bran has been up to for the last several seasons.
For more from Clare Stephens, you can follow her on Facebook, Instagram or Twitter.
Catch up on all our Game of Thrones recaps, right here:
- Mamamia recaps Game of Thrones episode 1: Finally. Jon Snow knows something.
- Mamamia recaps Game of Thrones episode 2: We need to talk about THAT Arya Stark scene.
- Mamamia recaps Game of Thrones episode 3: The episode that broke the world.
- Mamamia recaps Game of Thrones episode 4: GHOST DESERVED BETTER, JON.
- Mamamia recaps Game of Thrones episode 5: Well. That was… a mess.
Top Comments
Um, slight correction - Stay at home parents cannot watch GOT at 11:00am! Not really a suitable show to have on in the background whilst my 3 year old and 1 year old are eating their lunch....
Exactly! I had to wait until 8:30 and they were in bed and stay well away from social media in the interim.