The strangest (and funniest) things we’ve ever heard kids say.

Part of the joy of kids is their sheer unfiltered honesty. They say what they think, when they think it, without affectations or filters. They ask questions that can range from deliciously sweet to heartbreakingly poignant. And they have no need for social niceties.

When my son was three, he paid me one of his highest compliments.

Mama, you are just like a super-hero.

Coming from a boy obsessed with all things super, this is about the best thing he could say to me. My mind filled with reasons why. I was magical, powerful, his savior, his hero.

Oh thank you sweetheart, what makes you say that?

I asked him beaming with pride, ready for him to tell me of how he loved me, of how I made him feel safe. His super hero.

You’ve got wings under your arms just like Batman’s, he said. I bet you can fly Mama.

Two years on I have recovered (just) - and grudgingly incorporated push-ups into my workouts - but my three kids continue to delight, surprise and astound me with the things they say.

And they aren’t alone in the funny things they say. A quick straw poll of friends, neighbours and colleagues unearthed a treasure trove of delights.

1. “My flatmate in London was a kindergarten teacher, she was single and the kids were always asking her if she was going to get married, and trying to find her a husband. One of the boys in her class suggested: ‘You can marry my daddy, he doesn't love my mummy anymore.’”

2. “One friend’s child’s favourite food is vagina. Vagina, vagina, vagina -- he asks for dinner, at cafes, in restaurants. What would you like Charlie? Vagina he says hungrily. Vagina now. So lasagna it is, each and every time.”

3. “Daughter: ‘Mum, why’s your tummy big?’

Mum: ‘That’s because I’m expecting a baby.’

Daughter: ‘Where’s the baby?’

Mum: ‘Inside my tummy!’

Daughter: (Looking totally shocked) ‘OMG you ate the baby?’”

4. “Four-year-old: ‘Hey dad, when are you gonna die?’

Dad: ‘I don’t know, hopefully not for a long time.’

Four-year-old: ‘Oh…well when you and mum die I want new parents.’

Dad: ‘You what?’

Four-year-old: ‘I love you guys, but I need parents. I’m not old enough to use the stove.’”

5. “In church my nephew said loudly, ‘Do all these people know Jesus is dead?’”

6. “Once while our ANZAC biscuits were cooking my three-year-old niece asked me ‘Are the biscuits loading?’ SIGN OF THE TIMES!”

7. A teacher said that once she was teaching a child and told them that ‘choose’ is just ‘chose’ with one less ‘o’. He asked which ‘o’ you take out?

8. “‘Mum,’ my three-year-old asked me loudly at her grandfather’s birthday dinner, ‘Has Daddy ever seen your bagina?’”

9. "'My Mum has a string in her bottom,’ a colleague’s child proudly told the plumber, and then the courier, and then her teacher.”

10. “Trying on clothes in the fitting room a neighbour’s four-year-old asked her, ‘Mum why are there spiders hanging out of your undies?’ Yep, she confessed a wax was long overdue!”

11. "’Smashed it!’ said by my two-year-old cousin after she finished her cup of juice on the weekend. Her dad had taught her that one.”

12. ‘How do I know that I’m real and not just a dream of someone else?’ A neighbour’s child asked her teenage babysitter.

13. “My son, when he was about three, used to yell out ‘alcohol!’ at random moments. So someone once asked me, ‘Who's your best friend?’ and my son jumped in with ‘alcohol!’”

14. “From a three-year-old to his mum, ‘If you’re not wearing a nappy and a car runs over your willy, will you die?’”

15. ‘This pen must be non-toxic because I just drew on myself and I’m not dead.’

16. "My mum decided to tell my little brother about menstruation when he was about three-years-old, including that it sometimes made women a bit crankier that usual. Then they went to the shops and a woman in the line in front us was obviously being a bit cranky, so my brother went up to her, held her hand and said kindly, ‘Are you bleeding?’”

What’s the funniest thing you've heard a child say?