'I wondered why my friendship ended, and then I saw a TikTok.'

Every single time I think I'm done talking about friendships and relationships, along comes another "type" that I've immediately been able to relate to.

Warning... This isn't a fun friendship type; however, it's one I'm sure every single person has experienced. 

In my early 20s I had a friend who always gave me weird vibes. Let's call her Carly*. At the time, I classified Carly as one of my very best friends. We hung out at each other's houses, we'd go to brunch together, we were in the same friendship group.

However, I always felt like I couldn't fully trust her.

Watch: Horoscopes and breakups. Post continues below.

Carly loved a gossip — not that there's anything wrong with that (so do I). It's just that her style of gossip was more to make off-hand comments about people she classified as close friends. Once, I overheard her re-tell a story that a friend told us both in confidence and her re-telling was exaggerated and very twisted.

It made me refrain from telling her anything that was going on in my life because I didn't know what she would tell other people, or who she would tell.

This is obviously a very telling anti-friendship trait, but before that there were more insidious behaviours that I didn't pick up on until recently.

I've always been very self-deprecating. I leaned into my insecurities because I thought that if I said them out loud, it would take the power away from people saying them behind my back. 

However, Carly would use my comments as a tool to dig into my insecurities even more.

"He'll probably reject me like every guy I've ever liked," I remember saying to her when we were out at drinks one night.

A few weeks later we were hanging out with a group of friends. I mentioned how I thought a guy at the bar was flirting with me and my friends said that I should approach him. Carly, however, said, "Except every guy you've ever liked rejects you, remember." 

She said it as a joke, and I guess she had permission to say it — she was just repeating something I said about myself. However, every woman knows, that wasn't cool.

Now, close to 10 years later, Carly isn't in my life anymore. Not because she wasn't a good friend (even though she wasn't) but because I just got weird vibes from her. I got the sense that she didn't actually like me as a person. I didn't really know why the friendship ended, and just put it down to neither of us taking the trouble to stay in contact... until... 

I was scrolling on TikTok and came across a trend. People were posting videos acting out conversations with a friend. The text on these videos said, "When you're letting your friend vent but you end up catching a stray."

Most of the videos showed the way some people take sly digs at their friends; digs that usually fall under the radar. 

In one video, TikTok user Zoie Summer posted a video of herself acting as if she's listening to a friend who's venting. The audio of the video says, "The thing is, I want to commit. I'm not like you, I want to commit."

@zoiesummerdat Wait a minute….how i get in it #fypage ♬ original sound - Lea Denim

Zoie acts surprised and taken aback at the "I'm not like you" part.

This was the video that reminded me of Carly; the nasty comments that are subtle, so you feel like you're overreacting if you call the person out on them. It also made me realise that I had subconsciously phased her out of my life because I knew deep down that she was a mean person.

That video now has more than one million views. The top-liked comment says, "Yep, that's that secret animosity."

And suddenly, I had a name for what I'd experienced in that friendship.

TikTok user Ama Beher posted about the six signs to look out for that show you have secret animosity in your friendship.

@amabeher Here is how to spot the signs of secret animosity in your friendship. #adviceforher #friendshipadvice #foryou #foryoupage ♬ original sound - Ama

And after listening to her talk through them, it now seems so obvious that Carly just didn't like me as a person. 

Here are the six signs of secret animosity, according to Beher:

1. They want to know everything that's happening in your life (intel) but don't want to share what they have going on.

If your friend isn't a shy or private person and they refuse to let you in on what's happening in their life, they might be wanting to gather information about you to keep tabs — or, in my case with Carly, so they could talk about me with other people but I couldn't do the same to her... because I literally didn't know much about her as a person.

2. They don't celebrate your wins.

This goes beyond jealousy. A jealous friend will still celebrate your wins because they know it's important. A friend who just doesn't like you as a person refuses to do this. You might not notice their cold shoulder at first, but it will soon become obvious. 

It got to the point where I wouldn't even share big news with Carly — and if I did, I would always feel a bit embarrassed and undercut myself by saying something like, "It's not a big deal."

3. They don't show support on social media.

This might sound a bit vain, but I honestly get it. When you see someone post about getting engaged or celebrating their birthday, you always expect to see their best friends in comments showing their support. Of course, some of us know that those friends would've been the exact people who picked that photo and caption out in the first place, but still — It's what friends do. 

A tiny sinking feeling comes with seeing your best friend online, and knowing the've seen your new post but actively chosen not to engage with it.

4. They hold long-standing grudges against you.

I think this is pretty explanatory. I believe the best friendships are ones that can overcome tough conversations and confrontations. When that doesn't happen, tension builds until it explodes, and the friendship will never be the same again. If your friend is holding a grudge against you and refuses to talk about it, it might be time to remove that energy from your life.

5. You feel like they're always competing with you. 

I'm a big believer that competition in friendships is healthy. I think it helps you all be better versions of yourselves and guide each other. But you can tell when your friend seems to be competing with you in an unhealthy way. Carly would say things like, "I can't believe you've already moved out, won't you get lonely?" Or, "It's wild you had to apply to so many places before you got the job. It was so easy for me."

6. You have a gut feeling.

It all comes down to this doesn't it? At the end of the day, when it comes to friendships, you know if someone doesn't like you. We all do. Yes, some friendships are worth saving, but trust me, this one isn't. 

*Names have been changed for privacy reasons.

Have you experienced secret animosity in a friendship? Tell us in the comments.

If you want more culture opinions by Emily Vernem, you can follow her on Instagram @emilyvernem.

Feature image: Canva.