'I thought I knew my friend of 15 years. A phone call changed everything.'

Have you ever received a phone call that leaves you utterly speechless? You know, the type of call that makes your blood run cold as you replay the words you've just heard over and over in your head? You understand them, you understand what they all mean together, but there's just no way they can possibly mean that!

Sometimes, those calls come when someone dies. That wasn't the call I got yesterday. Nobody died. It was more shocking than that.

A friend I've known for 15 years, someone I was very close to texted me and asked if I had time to chat. It came out of the blue because we've drifted apart over the past few years, mostly because I've moved three-quarters of the way across the country.

But back in the day, we were, to steal a phrase from Forrest Gump, "Like peas and carrots." We babbled every single night for hours on end on the phone.

I don't have many female friends. I've never gotten along well with women. Too many of them have tried to tear me down, steal my man, and all that nonsense. This friend wasn't like that. She's almost exactly my age, forthright, honest, and hilarious! She's big and bold, but soft and squishy inside. She works hard, loves animals, and has a strong sense of right and wrong.

So how the hell can she be going to prison?

That was what she called to tell me, that she's going, "inside" for what will likely be a sentence of just over two years. That means she'll serve about eight-to-12 months. But still… prison?

It didn't compute.

It still doesn't.

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She allegedly stole from her employer — and a good amount at that. Not as much as she's accused of, but she did it and admits it. She's pleading guilty and accepting responsibility for her actions. She's horrified, and ashamed and barely recognises the person who did that.

Some of this apparently was going on while we were really tight. THAT'S what gets me.

I knew she was struggling. I knew she was drinking way too much and taking drugs. I used to gently nudge her, through humour, to try to see that a 24-case of beer at night to sleep, followed by speed or coke to wake up wasn't normal functioning. Dealing with an abusive partner with untreated mental health issues added to her problems.

Yet she went to work every single day and kept up the illusion of a normal life. I expressed my concerns, more forcefully over time, and they fell on deaf ears. She loved me, but she was fine. I worried too much. I was a bit of a square.

She wasn't fine.

Obviously.

She's scared out of her mind. I can tell. I could hear her voice cracking as she told me, but she pretended it wasn't bothering her. She did what she did and she'd just have to deal with it, she said. A fact of life, inconvenient, but a fact to be faced.

And it left me wondering, was there anything I could have done? She never seemed to need money. She had a good-paying job. I'd never have figured her for a thief.

I have some moral issues with stealing. I'm not a fan. I've had people steal from me. I've had someone waltz into my home when I was away, steal a bunch of stuff, and take the time to make a sandwich and drink a beer and leave the remnants behind, just so I'd know he was there. You don't get to take what I worked my ass off for!

But is that what this is? Yes and no. She completely did the wrong thing. She knows it. I know she knows it. She's off the drugs, which provides some clarity.

I feel bad because as a friend, I should have seen how much trouble she was in. But who can predict this kind of thing?

And in the 24 hours that have passed, I still have questions. I don't want to be that person who sees her in a different light. But I'm not sure. I'm disappointed. I'm angry that she could do something so insanely stupid and against everything she stood for. I'm questioning if I ever really knew her at all.

Yet, I feel compassion for the burden she's been carrying all this time, not telling me. I feel compassion for the woman who was way more troubled than she let on and acted in what I can only assume was desperation.

People aren't all good or all bad. We make mistakes. Some bigger than others. This is a doozy!

I'm not sure what I think yet. Maybe it doesn't matter. Maybe this is the time to put my thoughts and feelings aside and get her through this uncertain time before she goes inside. It's not like I won't have time to figure out my feelings after that.

I just wish more than anything I'd have known just how dark things were back then. We really never know, do we?

This article was originally published on Medium. Click here to read the original. For more from Misty Rae, click here.

Image: Getty.