This post was originally published on Role Reboot and has been republished here with full permission.
I was once the woman who secretly wanted to be a mother. By the next year, I not so secretly wanted to be a mother. Thankfully by the next spring, I was expecting my first son, but there were a lot of difficult and awkward moments along the way.
We all likely know someone who is hoping for a baby belly. Whether the fact that she is trying to get pregnant is public information or not, there’s a way to support a woman who is trying to conceive. Start by avoiding questions and statements like these:
“How long have you been trying?”
Longer than she would like, if you are asking, and it’s not her job to provide an update at every family function. If you’ve been there, you could say, “I am happy to talk about my experiences if you’d like.” If she wants to hear, she’ll ask. If you haven’t had your own experiences, you might just say, “I’m here to talk whenever you’d like.”
Many women do want to talk and they’ll appreciate the offer, but many will want to keep it private.
“I think you’re hiding something!”
She might be. She might not be. She might be nervous or not ready to share. She might be wearing baggy clothes because she is bloated and getting her period, an unfortunate moment for you to bring up pregnancy.
Top Comments
Well from personal experience you tend to avoid all those people who fell pregnant at the drop of the hat and like to talk about that... or the ones who 'struggled' for 12 months to get pregnant... cos you want to slap people that say that out loud near you when you know you've been trying for about a decade... There's not much you can say to someone going through infertility unless you've been in their shoes, so I just wouldnt bring it up at all. If they want to talk they will, but probably not to someone who won't get it. In regards to IVF, for a woman it is both physically and emotionally exhausting and destructive at times and that bleeds out into every relationship you have going through the process. I didn't even want to be near myself and people constantly say unintentionally totally unhelpful things to you. So my advice, if you haven't personally been through infertility, just don't bring it up. And even if you have, don't offer advice unless asked or that person opens up to you (she might currently have ovaries blown up to the size of small planets through hormone injections, you don't wanna see what might happen with those active grenades!).
My own experience was just to relax. I am that annoying person. I diligently tried for 9 months with no success. Finally, I decided not to try because the baby's due date night be Christmas (certainly not knocking Christmas babies, we just have a few in our family and it's an expensive time of year!). Lo and behold, my precious son was conceived! I really feel like stress was a major factor for me, and letting go off the idea of getting pregnant seemed to work.
I'm really pleased that that approach worked for you and I wish you all the best. Unfortunately though, it doesn't work for everyone as often stress isn't the only factor preventing people from conceiving. Of course there are lots of stories of people who stopped trying and then *poof* along came a baby, but there are also lots of stories where the same approach was taken and the couple weren't as lucky.
I totally Agree And thats what im saying Stop Stressin , even My Doctor said That After I miscarried . SO LET NATURE RUN ITS COURSE N ENJOY YOUR MAN WITHOUT PRESSURE
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