Women told us the exact moment they knew their friendship had ended.

We grew up on Sex And The City, Girls, Broad City, The Bold Type, Gilmore Girls, Friends and many more movies that taught us that, above all else, female friendships are the strongest form of relationship we will ever experience. 

And it's true. 

Our closest friendship with other women can last through family problems and romantic problems. 

But what happens when the friendship itself is a problem?

It might be an unpopular opinion but I know so many women would agree that friendship breakups are the most heartbreaking form of separation. Our friends have been through it all, they've known and loved the truest version of ourselves and have adapted throughout our ever evolving life stages.

That is why it's so hard to get over a friend breakup. 

So we spoke to 12 women about the moment they knew their friendship had ended — and some of them are brutal. 

Steph. 

"When I finally acknowledged to myself that our friendship no longer mattered to her. I spent the last few years of our friendship trying to keep it alive, continually lowering my expectations and efforts to align with hers, hoping it would help rekindle what we had. But every time I met her level of effort, she lowered it again. 

Eventually, I walked away, unable to navigate the shift from being best friends and family for 30 years to becoming more like casual acquaintances with minimal contact. Six months later, the grief is still overwhelming; it’s the first and last thing I think of each day. I also struggle with the shame of the situation and the false narrative she gets to tell herself and others about our breakup, given I was the one that walked away. 

She wanted to end the friendship but lacked the respect or courage for an honest conversation. Instead, she treated me in a way that pushed me to leave, allowing her to claim it was my choice and evade responsibility. I deserved more in that moment. "

Brooke. 

"We'd been friends 26 years. I had my first child in 2015. I received nothing — not a text, not a card — nothing. I saw her 18 months later at my grandfather's funeral in her state (I was surprised she turned up) and she asked me what I've been up to... I said, 'Well... I had a kid.' She scoffed at me."

Amy.

"When she said (again) in a text message that I wasn't putting in the same level of effort she was. This time, I didn't rush to defend myself, I just agreed. I told her that I couldn't give her the intensity she was looking for in a friend (she had exhausted me and I had nothing left to give). She was very angry with me, so I knew it was the right thing for me to say."

Watch: Horoscopes & breakups. Post continues below.

Priya. 

"I could no longer speak to her about anything important in our friendship. The conversations were almost scripted and any deviation from the script was a problem."

Eliza. 

"My friend was having an affair with a married man. I didn't sit in judgement, the only people that know what is really happening are the people involved. 

Despite telling her he would leave his wife, he then told her it was over as he must invest in keeping his family together. Having drinks after work one day, we saw him with another woman... it was another affair. When confronted, he pushed my friend to the ground. 

The next day I messaged him to say this was unacceptable behaviour and he should apologise for shoving her. No matter his relationship decision, this was not ok. My friend then dumped me because he might not take her back."

Rachel. 

"We were friends for over 35 years before the friendship breakup. She was not supportive of me when I did weight-loss surgery. She pretty much ghosted me. Her reason was that I should have discussed it with her, maybe she could have helped me lose weight another way. 

The surgery went ahead and she never once asked how I was. She would take weeks to answer messages and changed the way she communicated with me. All of this was hurting me but she couldn’t see what she was doing. 

I ended the friendship and there is no chance of reconciliation as she tells me it was my choice to end the friendship. She never understood that her actions were hurting me. It took me a long time to end the friendship, but I didn’t need people around me who were not supportive or did not see the hurt they were causing."

Mel. 

My friend of over 30 years and her husband actually forgot I’d asked them both to be my daughter’s guardians (godparents). My husband and I were married when our daughter was 18 months old and planned a naming ceremony for her as part of our wedding. 

This friend was to be my matron of honour. We asked her and her husband to be guardians and they happily accepted. Time passed and then when the wedding was getting close, I mentioned something to my friend about how her husband would be involved in the ceremony. She said 'Oh I don’t think he realised you wanted him to be a godparent, he’s been very busy at work lately.' At the time they definitely understood he was to be involved — they’d forgotten. I was so hurt, I went off and said I didn’t want either of them there and ended the friendship. 

That might sound harsh but I think I knew deep down we’d grown apart and this was the last straw after a pattern of this friend lacking empathy towards me. I’d asked her to be involved in our special day out of a feeling of obligation. It’s been 15 years now and I haven’t looked back."

Annabelle. 

"We went travelling together and I saw a side of her that I'd never seen before. She was constantly seeking approval from others, acting in ways where she'd put other people down to try and seem funny and cool in a bid to make friends. 

When I see a friend being nasty to others, or speaking badly behind people's backs, I'm cautious of the friendship. What would she say about me behind my back? It just put a bad taste in my mouth. As soon as we landed, we went our separate ways."

Tina. 

"We'd been friends for 15 years but after a disagreement, she said some hurtful things to my then partner behind my back (whom she never liked). When I confronted her about it, she lied to my face and said he was just trying to upset me. I saw the messages. 

We had a pretty up and down relationship and this wasn’t our first rodeo. This time, when I walked out of her house, I never spoke to her again."

Carly. 

"We were friends for 10 years and she was my best friend and my bridesmaid. She was going through a tough time and I had just had my first baby during COVID. The abuse she sent my way because she thought I wasn’t being a good enough friend was heartbreaking. Nothing I said helped, so I ended it by cutting her off."

Morgan. 

We planned to have dinner on a Monday night (a day she doesn't work but I do, important later). We live about an hour away from each other and so we decided to meet in the middle at a Koren barbecue restaurant. She wanted to meet at 6pm but I asked for 7pm so it would give me plenty of time to get there from work. I arrived at at 7pm and waited over an hour by myself. 

She'd always been the friend that was late to every event but the restaurant eventually asked me to leave because I hadn't ordered anything. I tried ringing and texting and got no reply. I called her sister to make sure she was okay as I was so worried something had happened. It was then I found out that she was simply doing her makeup and was going to leave home soon (30 mins away). I agreed to stick around in the area but after another hour with no 'on my way' text I decided to leave.

I was pretty heartbroken but didn't want it to be the end so I messaged her the next day to tell her how bad it made me feel. This was part of the message she sent: 'I'm sorry you feel that way. You're always trying to make me feel bad even though I'm putting effort into our friendship.' I was SO done."

Loz. 

"I was told by my friend that I hadn't been there for her lately and I needed to be a better friend. I'd just gone back to work full-time and my sister had just had a baby and I was limited to the time and energy I had to share around. 

Then the nail in the coffin was when I asked for space and time, just to re-calibrate and I was told that wouldn't work for them. I knew then it was over.. I still mourn for that friendship, as the good times were wonderful."

If you want more culture opinions by Emily Vernem, you can follow her on Instagram @emilyvernem.

Feature image: Canva.

*These people are known to Mamamia, but names have been changed to protect privacy.