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I became friends with Rosie at high school. We’d both been bridesmaids for one another. She’s been by my side during times of anxiety or grief, and she’s the first to cheer me on when I’ve got great news. Basically, I know her inside out.
While I love her like a sister, there’s one thing about Rosie I don’t like. In fact, I hate it. It makes my blood boil.
It’s the way she acts around my husband, Mick. At first I couldn’t put my finger on it, but now I feel it’s inexcusable.
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It all started when we were celebrating a good friend’s birthday, her husband couldn’t make it, he was away on business, as he always is, so she tagged along with Mick and I. (Post continues after gallery.)
Best on-screen friendships.
The party was fun, everyone was drinking and Rosie was getting drunk. Noticeably drunk. I returned from the bathroom and came across her cuddled up closely to Mick. Her arm around his waist.
She’d just changed her brown hair to blonde and was asking his opinion of it.
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Of course, Mick was being polite, he didn’t try to distance himself (even though I so wanted him to) and he, of course, told her what she wanted to hear (and the truth) – that she looked great.
While it wasn’t as though I’d walked in on anything I shouldn’t have, I couldn’t get the thought of my best friend all over my partner out of my head, as we changed the conversation and I noticed her slowly let go of Mick's waist.
Top Comments
I have the same problem with my bestfriend been best friends since we met in high school we used to party all the time but every time I would become interested in a guy and confide in her and tell her I really like this guy she would steel him from me, i noticed when we started to grow up after high school that things were getting worse she would come over to mine and an ex boyfriends apartment change into more revealing clothes after a job interview like a Cami tank top and short ass yoga shorts, and she would flirt with my man with her body language im not the only one who noticed and im not the only one who bitched her out for it she said she aware of her actions? How do u not know how ur acting? A couple years later me and her got an apartment together she had guys come over all the time and thinking back to how i felt when she would wear provocative clothing around my boyfriends I didn’t want her to feel like I was trying to get attention so I changed into sweats I have my now fiancé over she gets home from work remind u it’s the middle of March so it’s not exactly warm enough for booty shorts we all smoke and to keep the appartment from smelling like a ashtray we went outside to smoke this girl goes outside in the winter in booty shorts and sits on the pavement,again I confronted her about what she wears and she says this is my apartment I should beable to wear what I want it’s what I’m comfortable in, yes I agree with that statement this was our shared apartment I pay rent here too and to be nice and considerate to you when u have men over I change my clothes so all the attention is on you. She didn’t understand what I meant at all it’s like she’s acting dumb but now since my fiancé and I have our own apartment I try to hang out with her when he’s working so I don’t feel like she’s being attention seeking, it’s hard to not have a normal best friend who don’t want the attention all on her
Hi Lou,
This is just awful to be going through, and you show grace in trying to assess your own reactions, to try and contextualise what's going on, and in how you've taken time before confronting your husband.
But let me be really clear: You are NOT overreacting. Even without anything else going on, even without any POTENTIAL for anything further to go on, you are facing a betrayal by your best friend.
As Alwaysabeliever says, it sounds like you are reading the cues accurately. You've given yourself time and thought challenging to change your perception of it, but it has not only remained, but INCREASED.
In addition, your friend has asked your husband to keep a significant secret from you. AND one that involves your best friend, her. Not only is this a red flag, but it seriously calls into question her integrity and the safety of your friendship.
Further (wow, forgive me, I'm on a roll here! *blush*), your husband is contributing to the creation of insecurity by being passive to what's occurring. He needs to set a clear boundary, to both protect your relationship and to restabilise it. He may have been oblivious to it, as well as enjoyed the attention and not paid it much mind, however he knows now and it's not acceptable for him to acquiese to it.
Rosie has broken trust and will have to jump through hoops to regain it. Your husband may have to regain a bit of lost trust too. How you negotiate this is up to you, but I'd really encourage you to validate your own experience and feelings on the matter. Regardless of what others think, you feel how you feel, and in this case you feel compromised, threatened, and insecure... and you have the right to have those feelings addressed.
Please let us know how you go; I know it's been six months, so it likely has already changed significantly. Wishing you security and connection...