By Dr MARIANNE DIAZ
A photo of a pig-tailed and frothy-mouthed little baby, licking up the remains of her first babycino greets me as I look down at my vibrating phone. It’s the latest update from my sister, Jo. I resist the urge to kiss the screen and in a few swift swipes the pictures are saved alongside the other pics and videos she proudly sends.
But I worry. Jo is TOO proud and TOO much in love with this baby.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not evil. I love this baby to bits, as do my parents, and I’m well aware that it’s a natural thing for a mum to feel so much love and pride in her baby that she wants to share every milestone. But this isn’t Jo’s baby and at any moment she could be taken away.
You see, Jo is one of the many foster carers who volunteer to nurture and love neglected and abused kids. According to the Australian Institute of Health and Welfare, in June 2013, there were 17,436 Australian kids in foster care and only 9561 families opening their homes to them. Fostering NSW has predicted that another 900 carers will be needed in NSW over the next 2 years, so why aren’t more of us fostering?
“People always say to me, ‘I’d love to do fostering but I’d find it too hard to give the kids back’,” explains Jo.
In 2010 the Institute of Child Protection Studies looked at the experiences of a small group of former Australian (ACT) foster carers and found that the grief and loss felt when a foster child left, had contributed to their decisions to stop fostering. But what they also found was that having a great relationship and more support from their case worker had a positive impact.
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Top Comments
I understand what this article is trying to say... I have 3 kids in Foster Care that are being restored to us over the next 6-9 months. However, short-term carers shouldn't take on the job if they aren't fully prepared for the child/ren to be restored. They aren't their children and they need to remember that. For every "forst step" the carer and the carer's family see, the birth parents miss. Every little moment they have with their carer is a moment stolen from the birth parents. A moment the birth parents can NEVER get back. I appreciate all the foster carers out there, however I really think they need to understand the situation they're in. We have a fantastic relationship with our kids' caarer, but it is hard to find out second hand that your 1 year old twins have started cruising over the week since you saw them last. For every foster carer that fears a child being restored there is a parent hoping Child Protective Services will deem them "good enough" to parent their own child... in short, I truly believe forster carers make the assumption that all children in care must have horrible parents that don't deserve their kids. The fear they feel when children are being restored, THAT is the fear birth parents live with every minute of every day, that they will never see their children again. I really think foster carers need to start being a little more human when thinking of birth families.
Those moments aren't 'stolen' from the birth parents - the birth parents lost them. Children are not placed in care in Australia because some government department has nothing better to do on a lonely Friday afternoon. Children are removed from their family as an absolute last resort. Certainly, short term foster carers need to walk into the situation with their eyes wide open - but to say they need to be more 'human' is ridiculous. Someone who is willing to take on a stranger's child and love that child as their own is plenty human. As for birth parent's being deemed not 'good enough' to parent their children, suffice to say that children are left in appalling homes in the interest of keeping families together. If CPS deems that a child needs to be removed, then I'm confident that the situation is dire. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and have a look at the reasons for your children being removed from your care. I reckon if you can't figure that out, you're not ready to parent them.
I too am a foster "Mum" and have been caring for children for over 20 years ... I started off as a long term carer and am in the process of adopting my almost 14 yo who came to me as a severely disabled baby. The departments intent was to "restore" my bub after 5 years to one of the biological parents who had been charged and convicted in a criminal court for the injuries that bought my bub into care at 9 months old. If I hadn't been her carer and fought for her to remain in my care God only knows what would have happened. I was and still am as popular as a pork chop in a synagogue in the department BUT I never entered the foster care system to win popularity contests I entered the system to provide a safe, happy and extremely LOVING home to children that had never known the same prior to entering care. I now do short term care for babies 0 - 2 years old and yes when each of my bubs leaves our home they take a "little piece of my heart" with them BUT the memories I have of them are mine to keep and I know that when one of my babies moves on there is another baby who is on their way to me and that baby will need and receive the same unconditional love, nurturing and care ALL babies and children are entitled to. I make a point of asking questions and finding out what the department has "planned" for my bubs when in my care and if I am not happy with those "plans" I will let them know and will take the matter further if I have to ... I have had to on several occasions because of poor decision making on caseworkers part go "higher" and am proud to say because I did "poor decisions" that were made re bubs in my care have been "reversed" by those higher up the ladder and those bubs whole lives have changed for the better because I dared "challenge" those poor decisions. Carers need to remember that "we" are volunteers but that doesn't mean we should feel intimidated by or "inferior" to the decision makers ... it is bandied "we are part of a team" although coming from some in the sector that is just lip service ... if you truly focus on the "best interests of the child", you as their primary carer should speak up on the child's behalf, you are their voice albeit whether you are, a short or long term carer. There are big changes happening in NSW not only will NGOs be responsible for case management of children in care but kinship and long term carers will soon be given Guardianship rights by the Court taking a lot of FaCS involvement in the child's life "away", that's a good thing because it means FaCS caseworkers will be able to spend more time out in the field working on what their supposed to be doing and that is CHILD PROTECTION! There are so many bubs, children and young people who need a safe and loving home ... a home that offers permanency so they can reach their full potential .... we may not be their biological parent but there is NO DOUBT those who provide the same are the psychological parent/s of societies most vulnerable children. I'd advise anyone who is in a position to or interested in fostering to make enquiries with an NGO in your area and open your hearts, home and arms to offer these children a future and don't feel intimidated by so called "professionals", most of "us" have forgotten more than they know in as far as parenting goes.