Hotel chef reveals the foods you should never, ever order from the room service menu.

No cooking. No cleaning. And food delivered to your bed, while you watch foreign language television in a freshly fluffed robe.

There are few things that feel as indulgent on a holiday as room service. While the menus are generally pretty same-samey (club sandwich, fish and chips, pizza, Caesar salad, and anything that comes with chips) there are apparently a few foods you should avoid to prevent the dreaded dissatisfaction of food disappointment.

With the help of seasoned hotel chef and CEO of Gigachef Lisa Brefere, travel site Condé Nast Traveller have put together a list of no-go-zones for your next holiday or dirty weekend away.

For a super-quick and easy snack to get you from A to B, try these breakfast bars (post continues after video):

Number 1: Hot Food.

This one applies more for those staying in high-rise hotels or super sized resorts. Basically, the bigger the hotel, the longer your food will take to get from the kitchen to your room. And a long travel time is going to result in cold, soggy wedges.

Number 2: Seafood.

Not so surprising. “[Fish] doesn’t travel well, and it smells,” Brefere says. “Plus, you don’t know how long it’s been sitting there.” Charming. She suggests you pick high-turnover options like sandwiches. Brefere also says it’s a good idea to avoid blue cheese and onions. Unless you want everyone else staying on your floor to secretly (or not so secretly) hate you and your pungent snack.

Number 3: Well done steak. 

Brefere suggests you order your steak one lever rarer than you normally would, as while being protected under that shiny metal cloche it’s basically inside a meat sauna. It’s going to keep cooking.

Number 4: Pesto and Avocado.

No, she’s not just against green condiments. Brefere says these tasty toppings should be off your list due, once again, to the time delay. The topping itself will be crusty, and whatever it is you choose to put them on will be a soggy pile of mush.

Number 5: Coffee.

An essential part of any holiday, especially when you’ve travelled a long way to your destination. You need that fuel to get you through days of queuing to see paintings you don’t actually care about, and traipsing through back streets to find the patiserie that is the REAL reason you’re in Paris in the first place. You need coffee. But not from your hotel. That’s stuff has been stewing in an over-sized urn for hours.

Do you have a room service horror story?