First date essentials:
Lipstick? If he’s lucky.
Slightly inviting / edgy / sophisticated outfit, that’s definitely not trying too hard? Preferable.
Kick-ass and inarguable exit strategy? Absolutely non-negotiable.
Apps like Tinder have turned the dating scene into something resembling the Hunger Games (except we’re nominating ourselves).
Once you’re on that date, it’s anyone’s guess how it’s going to go down – you’ve not ever seen that guy before, he’s not a friend of a friend, you don’t know anything about him… except a very-possibly-photo-shopped picture and a description.
Adrenaline, romance, strategy, maybe some archery… are all first-date possibilities. They’re also why you need an exit strategy.
Listen to Mia Freedman discuss ‘dating exits’ with Jessie Stephens and Monique Bowley on Mamamia Out Loud. Post continues after audio…
One woman, in Amherst, Massachusetts, has taken the escape strategy to an entire new level of non-negotiable-ness.
Admittedly, she loses points for agreeing to go hiking on a first date (because that’s not very exit-strategy-friendly for the moment you discover he’s actually in love with his mother and obsessed with dead kitten jokes).
But she makes up for this in her elaborate, inarguable, undeniably kick-ass exit strategy.
She got herself rescued from her first date. Yes, rescued.
This gem was shared on Twitter by Alexander Chee, a savvy police blotter (crime log) spotter:
With this as inspiration, we celebrate some of the best exit strategies going around:
The someone-needs-me-and-you-don't-deserve-me emergency exit
Maybe your room-mate just fell in the bath. Maybe your grandmother needs a lift to the specialist. Maybe your brother is having an emergency operation to remove his appendix. Whatever it is, it's urgent and you need to be there. STAT.
To make this work, concoct a story beforehand and get a friend in on it.
I would sneakily send a message to my friend and she would know to call me. She'd be having a "really hard time" and needed me right away. That was my cue to leave. - May, 34.
The thoughtful, I'm-actually-doing-you-a-favour exit
Well, this is awkward, but you figured it's best to be honest, right?
You actually have a severe case of genital warts or you're currently treating an STD.
While it is possible to move past this, because it's the first date (and he's actually an utter smack job), you just don't feel comfortable inflicting that sort of turmoil and responsibility onto such a total jerk nice guy. It's going to be a long road to recovery, and you're doing him a favour by kicking him well clear of it.
Note: It's best not to use this approach if the guy knows a bunch of your friends.
The scare-him-till-he-leaves-voluntarily exit
So, where does he think you should get married? What's his favourite walking-down-the-aisle tune? And how many kids is he after?
Also, don't forget, you've already rearranged his calendar so he has time to meet your parents next weekend, and you're having an official "coming out" party where he can meet all your friends on the following Thursday.
Note, if this doesn't make him leave, and he's actually down for the Mariah Carey first wedding dance, then resort to the rescue strategy. Get the police involved.
The not-even-worth-an-excuse smoke bomb exit
He doesn't deserve anything from you so it's time to up and leave. If you can do this in front of him, and simply stand up from the table and walk out that door, then ups to you and one day I hope I will possess at least an inch of your guts.
If not, then a bathroom trip or stepping outside for a quick pone call are both valuable segues to smoke bombs.
My friend and I told two guys we were going to the bathroom and slipped out the back door. The bathroom line was incredibly long so it probably took them an hour to notice we weren't coming back. - Ange, 27.
Or... You can just stage your own rescue.
Top Comments
The easiest way out of all of this is stop arranging long first dates! Just organise "A" drink or "A" coffee. If you do it around 11 or 4 & things are going well you can always suggest lunch or dinner but if not it's 20-30min max & you're out of there & can always say you have those lunch/dinner plans with someone else if they suggest continuing
The only time I would deviate is when someone is seriously messed up or insulting - for eg on a 3rd date I had a date go on and on about how once we were dating I would only need him, no family or no friends, I would be banned from talking to anyone at all while in his presence and he would want to spend every.single.spare.moment together. Considering he was well aware how close I was with family and how strongly independent I am I swifty asked him to leave.
Dodged a bullet there.
Yes - I really agree. That's exactly what we did for our first date. We'd chatted online for about 3 weeks, and met about 3pm on a Saturday afternoon for (non alcoholic) drinks.
We were out of the there reluctantly at 5.40pm (I had to remind him he had something on across the road at 6pm) It went swimmingly, and he set up dinner later that night for the next weekend later on. The second date went late into the night but by then we both knew we'd met and got along famously.
I has a date with someone else - we'd gotten along well on paper, online and on the phone, but there was zero connection in person and it felt awkward over a brunch. He was lovely but we so obviously weren't well matched. It dragged for about 90 minutes. So glad we hadn't made it a longer date.
Isn't it strange how everything can seem so perfect on paper, have such a great connection & flows so easily then in person just... nothing!
make sure if you go with the "my friend is having an emergency" trick your friend is not a sleepyhead like me...I was dead asleep 10 mins after my best friend had left the house and missed all 7 (7!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) fake emergency texts.....she was not happy with me