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Fifi Trixibelle Geldof gives a rare, revealing interview.

 

One of Bob Geldof and Paula Yates’ daughters has never been like the others. Fifi Trixibelle Geldof doesn’t talk to the press, rarely poses at parties, and even her social media accounts are set to private.

But the now 31-year-old PR staffer has changed all that with one interview. Today the Mail On Sunday has an extensive chat with Fifi that touches on the death of her mother, sister and her relationship with her famous dad. She is speaking out now to raise awareness of depression, which she says she has suffered from since she was 11.

“I woke up crying about everything and nothing,” Fifi says of the day she realised she was ill. “I remember thinking what the f*** is going on in my head. Why do I feel like this. I felt very confused as to what was going on in my mind. I thought I was going crazy. I was a generally happy child and all of a sudden I wasn’t and I didn’t know why.”

Of course, what followed in the young Fifi’s life was about as traumatic as can be imagined: her parents’ famously bitter divorce, the upheaval of her mother’s love affair with Michael Hutchence, his death and then her mother’s in 2000, when Fifi was 17.

She says that she and her mum’s relationship wasn’t strong at the time.

“We were not close,” Fifi told The Mail. “I couldn’t say whether she suffered [depression] or not. I wouldn’t know. We had a tempestuous relationship to say the least. I don’t think I knew her that well. If the situation that was going on then – I won’t elaborate on it – was going on today then the not talking would happen all over again. I don’t regret it and I still don’t.

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“We were talking a little bit. It was strained. Realistically, anyone whose partner dies is going to be depressed. It’s as simple as that. She lost someone who she loved and that’s going to affect anyone negatively.”

Of course, this year the family has suffered another enormous loss. Fifi’s “baby sister” Peaches, a mother of two boys, was found dead of a heroin overdose in April, aged just 25.

Peaches’s death is like a piece of me that has been taken. A piece of my heart and my soul has gone. She was my baby sister. She will always be my baby sister. Often I’ll sit and have a chat with her, tell her what went on that day. I go to our local church and light a candle for her.”

Fifi says she feels it’s now her responsibility to help keep the family together, and that she will manage her own illness to be strong for her dad, nephews and her two younger sisters, Pixie, 23. and Tiger Lily, 18.

“As the oldest I feel a certain sense of responsibility, especially towards my family,” she toldThe Mail. ”Mum’s gone, Peaches has now gone: there are people more important to me than myself to take care of. Dad has been wonderful with us, but with the whole Peaches thing, I know he is not able to take care of himself entirely at the moment.”

If you need support with mental illness, visit the Black Dog Institute, here, or call Lifeline on 13 11 14.

This post was originally posted on ivillage.com.au and republished with full permission.