Feminism is coming to get you. It really is. It’s overtaking schools, workplaces, the media, politics…..goddammit even sport.
Feminism is wrecking our society like, like, like a wrecking ball. The one Miley was swinging around on and what was wrong with that video clip anyway? Feminism wanted to ban that just like they want to ban everything. Those man-hating, hairy-legged feminazis won’t be happy until they’ve taken all the power and ruined all the fun.
It’s a disgrace.
Yes. It is. It’s a disgrace there’s so much misinformation about feminism. So much fear. So much disdain. To help clear that shit up, here is a concise list of 9 Things Feminism Is Not Trying To Do.
Related: Stop blaming anti-feminist young women for feminism’s marketing problems.
There are many more but we’re going to start with the top nine. Feel free to add more in the comments.
We suggest you bookmark this post and wave it in the face of the next person who blames feminism for something absurd. Like climate change. Or Paddle Pops getting smaller.
Remember, feminism is not trying to:
1. Kill all the fun
I’m not sure where the myth that feminists are buzzkills comes from. All the feminists I know (ie: all the women I know) are a hoot. The only kind of ‘fun’ that feminists aren’t keen on are the ones where women are the victims of said ‘fun’. Like pinching a waitress’s bum. Not fun for her. Shouting for a woman to show you her tits as you drive past. Not fun for her. Making a public ‘joke’ about a colleague sleeping her way to the top. Not fun for her.
Also, insisting, “I was just joking” does not automatically make something funny.
2. Demonise men
Oh please.
This is such a lazy cop-out. If feminism had an enemy it would be inequality, not men. Feminists have fathers and sons and brothers and husbands and partners and male friends. Being pro something doesn’t make you anti everything else. Loving tea does not mean you’re demonising people who drink lattes.
Related: Of course feminism needs men. But you know what it doesn’t need?
Having an interest in women and the issues that affect them has nothing to do with being against anyone, let alone men. Feminism is not unlike civil rights. When black people got the vote, white people did not lose the vote. It simply meant EVERYONE could vote. Same with feminism. Equality is not a finite resource. Women having the same rights and opportunities as men doesn’t cost men anything.
Oh – and feminists can BE men, you know. There’s that.
3. Turn all women into lesbians
I wonder how you would actually do this? No matter. Because feminism doesn’t give two hoots who you sleep with. Feminism has nothing to do with sexuality other than wanting women to be free to choose who they have sex with and under what circumstances (because the alternative is called, you know, rape). Despite the fact that many lesbians are feminists (just like many Asian people are feminists and many Coldplay fans are feminists) you should not confuse the two things.
4. Destroy the traditional family unit
The people who tend to blame feminism for this tend to be men who are threatened by the idea of women having the freedom to end relationships.
Because for centuries, we couldn’t. Until relatively recently where laws around no-fault divorce were changed in the 70s, women were forced to stay in abusive, loveless or violent marriages. They had no choice. Without the legal right to work, without the legal right to custody of their children, without the social acceptance of unmarried women (be they single, gay or divorced), women were trapped.
Feminism has no problem with the traditional family unit. But there are other types of family unit – single mothers, single fathers, two mothers, two fathers, blended families – that are equally capable of providing love and security to children. And feminism wants women to be relationships by choice – not law or fear.
5. Make men and women the same.
Looked in your pants lately? Chances are, you’ve noticed humans come in two different versions (with a few rare variations).
Feminism has no desire to convince anyone that men and women are the same. But feminists do believe men and women should have the same rights, choices and opportunities. eg: we believe women and men should be paid the same amount of money for doing the same job. Because duh.
6. Claim to speak for all women / Make all women think the same way
This is plainly absurd because there are four billion women in the world and from the outside, the only thing they have in common is a vagina. But it’s fairly safe to assume the vast majority of them would like to have control over said vagina – and the rest of their bodies. As opposed to having their father, husband, government or religious leader make decisions for them. Feminism is simply about believing women should have a voice and a choice. Not the same voice. Not the same choice. Feminism is neither a cult nor a club. There is no rulebook. No terms and conditions. Feminism is a loud, noisy, dynamic, engaging and ever evolving movement that is as diverse as women are.
7. Stop women from being sexy
Yep, for sure. Feminism will not rest until every woman on earth burns her bra, grows out her leg, armpit and pubic hair, scrubs off her make-up and wears nothing but clothes inspired by Amish grandmothers. Don’t confuse sexy with sexist. One is fine. The other is not.
8. Ban everything
Talking about something is not the same as banning it.
When a feminist raises an issue like ‘is it appropriate to make stripper jokes about your co-worker?’, she is not suggesting anything or anyone be banned. She is not calling for public beheadings, boycotts or jail time. She’s simply flagging something that jars in 2014 and starting a discussion – in which there will undoubtedly be a variety of opinions. That’s how new social mores and standards are established. When enough people agree that something isn’t OK – like drink driving or sexual harassment – laws sometimes change. Other times, it’s simply a result of public opinion shifting. Remember when throwing rubbish on the ground was just what everyone did? Remember when women weren’t allowed to work in the public service after they were married? A civilised society is always evolving. And feminism is simply an integral part of that process.
9. Kill boners
Feminism has no official position on boners. Although if they did, it would be this: boners are fine (provided they are only put in places where they are wanted). To suggest feminists are anti-boner is plainly absurd. Without boners, how would we make the next generation of feminists?
Top Comments
There are times when I feel very fortunate as a man. Most of my recent experiences have been with Asian women while running a nice business in Tokyo. Dating and having friendships with women here is, in many ways, like night and day compared to my general experiences with western women. Now don't misunderstand me, this isn't about condemning western women. But I like so many other Americans with a reasonable education do observe some very distinct differences and let's just say, when feminism comes up as a topic in our social set, it's actually a balanced fair discussion than what is possible with American or western women.
One of many reasons is, the guys actually are ASKED what we think and feel, than TOLD what we think and feel about gender ideas, rights and identity and this is an important distinction.
Imagine how annoying it is to be around one of those people who ask and answer questions posed to you and then proceeds to repeat the answer as if that is the answer you gave. Well in a short analogy, that is precisely the working methodology of 99% of western feminist women's discourse on gender, particularly what they characterize and define as men's ideas, beliefs, motivations character and thoughts.
In Tokyo, very smart women actually are willing to discuss incredibly complex social and cultural issues with us without the typical feminist condescension,self-righteousness and prosecutorial cross-examination that well, takes on the typical ask answer, conclude format that results in the feminist habit of appointing for men several, usually negative paradigms and associations that can never be challenged, disputed or refuted.
One of the fellas mentioned during the same conversation, "Feminist back home take an entrenched position of qualifying themselves to define and declare what the totality of male lived experiences more than the men who live them. He went on to mention, "What's so great about speaking with you girls is, back home I wouldn't get three words into what i just said without being screamed down that I'm a sexist misogynist pig."
I chimed in, adding, "And don't forget the invariable stream of character assassinations where you have to hear about how childish and backwards you are along with a healthy heaping of mocking scathing negative pronouncements on how many psychological issues we have." And then of course how it would be concluded that we're nothing but pro rape apologists and creeps. Several of the women we were with confirmed hearing similar remarks from feminists who often spoke to them as if men in America were little more than a cabal of psychotic sexual predators, whom they often made searing insulting commentary.
This led to the basic question. "Why do feminist hate men so much."
I then mentioned, in America, feminist tend to play bait and switch with that question. I clarified that there's theory and practice. feminist typically defend their ideological persona with a dictionary definition while simultaneously practicing something completely different. Oddly most are very self righteous and convinced of their infallible omniscience that virtually none can conceive of any idea of female culpability and thus when presented with anything suggesting critical examination of its practice that points out hypocrisies between feminism in theory and practice, they almost always immediately default to simply asking and answering the question and always with an answer where they never have to confront serious self-examination and sincere introspection. That is why year after year they can't put it together why so many people associate feminism with hating men and the (in the context of this article) "9 things feminism doesn't do."
My American male friends in Tokyo agree with one thing that absolutely rings true. Feminist know very, very little about men. What they do know is a caricature they developed over several decades that they utilize as the standard example of men and male identity. They spent a few years in gender studies and came out with a rather cartoonish conviction of a gender they never bothered to get to know beyond rapist, abuser and oppressor characterizations. keep in mind they never appoint the same capacity for negative associations in women, so when confronted with any unflattering depiction of let's say feminism, there is an automatic default whereby there couldn't possibly be any truth to any unflattering depiction. Instead it's, "just a small radical subset that don't reflect the general beliefs of the whole." or "Those aren't real feminists," or "That's just a false stereotype." or more explicit, the content of the article above.
It will never occur to feminist what others willing to think for themselves without an agenda understand. The reason why so many people associate feminism with hating men and being killjoys and wanting to ban everything and all the rest is because feminist tend to work the hardest to maintain those associations through frequent observable practice.
feminist love to lecture guys on "listening." all the while hammering home at every opportunity that they are exempt from doing so themselves. Maybe if they'd actually bother trying to get to know men beyond what they appoint for men what we are, they would be very surprised at just how little they know about us.
Kate Millet in Chapter 2 of Sexual Politics explicitly DOES state that feminism should destroy the family unit.