Oh no. I tried the Kardashian-inspired latex trend and I'm traumatised forever.

I have… regrets.

You see, this all started with a deep sense of confusion I simply couldn't shake.

While I often find myself unable to understand what the famous people are wearing, one fashion trend has had me particularly perplexed: latex.

It's very... tight. And sweaty. And it makes people look like they've literally dipped their already perfect bodies in paint, and are just walking around naked.

Which is fine. Except I have questions.

HOW.

But also WHY.

When I think about wearing latex, I imagine those nature documentaries where a snake eats a mammal and its tummy stretches to fit it, and you're like snakey you can't lie about having eaten a wombat because I can see it through your skin. 

That would be me except with my lunch. Or, like, some gas.

Watch what happened when I tried the latex trend. Post continues after video.

WHERE DO YOUR BODY PARTS GO AND HOW DO THEY KNOW WHERE TO STAY?

I decided there was only one way to find out, and yes, it was to order a hideous latex outfit online and wear it in real life.

I'm ashamed to admit that I knew exactly where to go. I've been following Fashion Nova on Instagram ever since I found a 'buckle bikini' on their website that I thought was a joke until I realised it was sold out.

They're constantly sharing photos of their latex dresses/bodysuits/atrocities, so I assessed my options:

Option 1:

Pros:

• N/A

Cons:

• Precarious boob situation
• Hole in dress
• Unsure if adjustable straps

Option 2:

Pros:

• Shorts make it possible to move without exposing vagina

Cons:

• Everything

Option 3:

Pros:

• Shorts, but also fashionably large hole in garment

Cons:

• Very tight
• Unsure of how you get it on and off your body
• WHY ARE ALL THESE OPTIONS FLURO YELLOW IT'S NOT MY COLOUR

The clear winner was option 3, mostly because it was $5 cheaper that option 1, and I thought the hole would solve the sweating issue that would inevitably arise with option 2.

It was $34.99 USD ($49.23 AUD) - approximately $49.22 more than is appropriate for a garment purchased solely for lols.

I got express shipping, which in a nutshell explains why I will never own a home.

When it arrived, I was overwhelmed first by the smell (turns out latex smells a lil' bit like... fish) and second by the extent to which it resembled a balloon that I was expected to wear on my body.

I put it on and GURL.

Sweetie no.

Let me individually identify the problems:

Boobs are uneven because they don't know where to... live.

I only ever fake tan the parts of my body you can see so somehow ended up with a hand print of orange that was visible through the... hole. In the side of the garment.

Dat seam tho.

Guys.

I took a photo where I look like an actual balloon.

After buying a latex, Kardashian-inspired jumpsuit, I've learned the following:

• It's possible to sound like a balloon when you walk
• The hole was a good idea in that it was the only place for my body heat to escape
• Fluro yellow (or lime green??) is not my colour
• There are approximately five women on the planet who could make this look good and they all have the last name a) Kardashian, or b) Jenner
• $50 is too much to spend on having a personal lol

For more from Clare Stephens, you can follow her on Facebook, Instagram or Twitter.