Mamamia recaps Farmer Wants A Wife: The entire season is based around... twins??

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Men in plaid shirts are talking about how nice love is, while dramatic music plays and there are approximately 30 establishing shots featuring sunrises. 

Because it's a new dawn, it's a new day, it's a new life for all of us watching at home and/or hopefully at least one or two of these dudes.

Sam Armytage explains that these men and their shirts are looking for one thing: a lifelong romance. To prove this is an actual possibility, the show insists it has helped set up nine ACTUAL marriages.

Not fake ones like those other silly reality shows!

The bar is on the floor but also IS IT REALLY, SAM? IS IT REALLY?

Lizzo plays as the women arrive in the country to talk s**t about city men and fantasise about their future children wearing gumboots.

I wouldn't mind if the whole episode was just this. 

But then the men walk in, and it's giving boyband.

Feeling deeply sorry for the man on the left, who is already being given the Louis Tomlinson treatment

The men are introduced as:

- Farmer Brad, in a plaid shirt

- Farmer Brenton, in a blue shirt

- Farmer Matt, in a navy blue shirt

- Farmer David, in a khaki shirt

- And Farmer Andrew, in a... different blue shirt

The women clap because these men exist and also have smiles.

Farmer Brad says all he does is work, eat and sleep because he has no one to talk to, and that is horse erasure.

Most of my joy over the next four weeks is going it come from making the farm animals talk, just so you know

Farmer Brenton is 26 and says all his mates are getting married and having kids and GOOD LORD that is a terrifying sentence. My 30-year-old arse had toast for two out of three meals yesterday.

OH FOR F**KS SAKE AND FARMER MATT IS ONLY 23.

He says he wants to find everlasting love and everyone awws as if that's not the literal point of the show.

Sam drops a huge, shocking bombshell about 'a Farmer Wants A Wife first'.

Nah just kidding, there are just some twins here.

There are two of them! And they look the same! That's crazy!

Farmer David is an apple farmer who plays guitar and talks to his dogs.

He says the most romantic thing he's ever done is write a song for a woman and whether that is true or not really depends on if the song was... good.

Last but not least, Farmer Andrew is outed as a dancer.

And that's literally all we learn about him.

Poor Farmer Andrew.

Justice for Farmer Andrew and his nice shirt

The farmers must now spend time with each of their eight women and at the end of the night, choose just five to invite back to their farms.

Even Sister Wives has its limits, you see!

A kangaroo has come to see the gossip and I've never related to a marsupial more.

Me too buddy

The next half hour of television is essentially just men in shirts talking about how they want to start families while complimenting women's eyes, women in dresses asking hard-hitting questions about where to store tomato sauce, and kangaroos eavesdropping.

A few thoughts:

 - One of Farmer Brad's maybe-wives, Corista, gifts him a wooden box with a fishing lure and he says HE LIKES HER "SPUNK"???!!!

- Farmer Brenton is very nervous, but he also knows he's awkward which makes him endearing to me? 

- I like Olivia who grew her eyes herself.

- Farmer Matt's date Georgia wants to check that he's not a "big red flag" and this is a man on reality TV??? So like??? Fair enough gal, grill him.

- Team Farmer Brenton and Sophie!!!!

- Shout out to the woman who introduced herself as sarcastic, can we be friends?

- We are never going to see Hayley, the one who thinks she's fallen in love at first sight with Farmer Brad, again, are we?

- Pick-up lines should be illegal.

OKAY WE'RE DONE.

Farmer Brad and his hat have made their decision.

He chooses Clare, Morgan, Corista, Christina and Natasha.

Goodbye to love at first sight Hayley and two other women we have never seen before in our lives.

Nice to meet you and also goodbye

Farmer Brenton is — shockingly! — nervous about his decision.

He chooses Sophie, Frankie, Breanna, Emily and...

They try to build suspense for the final woman but WE'RE ONE HOUR INTO THE SEASON AND WE'VE HEARD THE WORD 'TWINS' APPROXIMATELY 50 TIMES.

WE ALL KNOW WHO HE IS GOING TO CHOOSE.

He chooses Rachel, because Channel 7 has put a lot of thought into this twin storyline and they cannot throw it away this early, and so, once again, we say goodbye to three complete and utter strangers.

Farmer Matt arrives to keep up his end of the bargain too.

The other twin, Chelsea, is crying about not being like the other girls. Because she is not a farmer but is a twin.

That does not matter in the slightest because Matt calls her name second.

He also chooses Alice and her terrible dad jokes, Olivia, Annabell and Madison.

So long to two miscellaneous blondes, and Georgia, whose red flag grilling was too much for this man.

Everyone, especially the twins with whom Channel 7 is placing a lot of responsibility, celebrate.

They are all excited about going back to the farms and SAME because that is where the DRAMA happens and WE ARE ALL MOSTLY HERE FOR THE DRAMA (and the nosey kangaroos).

See you tomorrow night!

Chelsea McLaughlin is Mamamia's Senior Entertainment Writer and co-host of The Spill. For more pop culture takes, recommendations and sarcasm, you can follow her on Instagram. 

Feature image: Channel 7.