Mamamia recaps Farmer Wants A Wife: A farmer's decision leaves two wives in tears.

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STREWTH. 

We open on some cows having a moo. 

The women are helping out on the farms again and it seems like in 2020 you either have to throw hay at cows or scale the side of a building/jump out of a plane/paddle board to find love. Cool. 

Farmer Harry had a couch snuggle with Stacey last night and he feels "real good" about her. 

"GOES ALRIGHT." Image: Channel 7. 

Over at Farmer Neil's, he's explaining that he's not here for Farmer Wants Four Wives and true. 

He takes the women out to clean out the dam and explains that shit washes off just as quick as mud does which is fun for them. 

They poke around in the dam with shovels for about three minutes before it literally turns into a mud fight. I've said it a thousand times before and I'll say it again.... REALITY TV STARS RUBBING MUD/CHOCOLATE/UNSPECIFIED BROWN SUBSTANCES ON EACH OTHER'S BODIES IS NOT FUN FOR US. 

It makes us feel sad in our special places. 

Over at Farmer Nick's, Naomi is explaining that she shan't be doing any farm work. She's here for the teeth whitening endorsements and Daily Mail articles not to literally work with her bare hands for FREE. 

"This is Married At First Sight... right?" 

Liz corners Nick in the vineyard and asks him whether he really wants kids because they met on Sunday and it's now TUESDAY. 

He tells her he's fully prepared to give his future partner some sperm if that's what she's into. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 

"MIGHT BOTTLE IT." 

Over at Farmer Harry's, Madison has gone missing. I immediately start a podcast called Where Be Madison. Did a cow kidnap her? Has she joined the cast of McLeod's Daughters? Did she fake her own disappearance and is masquareding as a sheep? 

It turns out she's just hiding in her room, looking at her phone. 

"I'LL PINPOINT MY LOCATION." 

Once she's finished scrolling through Instagram, Madison tells Harry the polygamy life is not for her and... leaves. 

That's a 25 per cent reduction in wives for Harry. 

Over at Farmer Sam's, he's working up an appetite for mum's lasagna by supervising his prisoners wives. 

Farmer Alex decides to take the girls for a swim in the river because... Cunnamulla. 

Mid-swim Henrietta asks Alex whether she's his type. He says "looks aren't everything" which was definitely not the right answer. 

"WE DON'T GET A LOT OF QUESTIONS OUT HERE." 

The wives meet up at the Gurrandunga Hotel, while the farmers catch up at Farmer Sam's... because drama. And also... gossip. 

"MATE." 

After sharing their stories about who's kissed who, they all reunite in town to eat Farmer Sam's mum's lasagna. 

They arrive to find out that Madison a little bit regrets that time she yeeted herself off the farm and would now like a second chance pls. 

Harry decides he needs to have a beer think. 

"TOO RIGHT." 

Harry and his beer decide to let Madison come back. They arrive back at the dinner party and the other wives do a storm off. 

"IS THIS MAFS Y/N?" 

Farmer Harry tries to talk to the girls and doesn't understand why he's such a "victim to this". "This" being three of his wives being pissed off that he's decided to let the fourth wife - WHO LEFT HIM - come back into the harem. 

It's hard for him. 

Farmer Alex explains to Henrietta that she's not as ugly as he accidentally called her. He just sometimes forgets how to use his words because... Cunnamulla. 

They have a kiss which is nice for them. 

Harry and his wives arrive back to the dinner party. Harry says he's glad the drama is over and sir pls, it's only just getting started. 

Madison tells the other wives that they're not in high school and they have to get past their own insecurities, which was definitely not the right thing to say. 

Figuring her own farm is going down in flames, Alannah decides to tell Jess about Alex and Henrietta's kiss to cause some shit over there. 

Jess says "I don't care, babe" and then this happens... 

"NO WORRIES, MATE." 

She tells Alex she's not going to fight for him which is the exact opposite of the premise of the show. 

The farmers have to choose one woman to take on a one-on-one date.  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 

Farmer Alex chooses Henrietta. 

Farmer Nick picks Emma. 

Farmer Sam chooses Emily. 

Farmer Neil picks Karissa. 

And Farmer Harry chooses Stacey. 

UNTIL TOMORROW NIGHT. 

Catch up on the rest of our recaps here:  

Mamamia recaps Farmer Wants A Wife Episode 1: One farmer makes it abundantly clear why he's single.

Mamamia recaps Farmer Wants A Wife: One woman gets brutally friendzoned.

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Feature image: Channel 7. 

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