'I applied to be on the next season of Farmer Wants A Wife and things got... weird.'

Ah, Farmer Wants A Wife. 

The "finding love" reality TV show with a difference - that difference being: some people really do find love. Over 11 seasons, we've seen nine marriages and 23 babies come out of the reality show. 

For reference, in Married At First Sight's history, 73 couples have been paired and just five of them are still together. That's pretty sh*t odds, if I do say so myself. 

Want a Farmer Wants a Wife refresher? Here's the finale trailer from last season. Next time around, it'll be me in those sweeping romantic shots. Post continues below. 

So, at 21 years old (I may be young but I've got a lot to offer!), and with the success of many before me weighing on my shoulders, I decided it was time to shoot my shot. 

Farmer Wants a Wife is currently casting for 2022 and I'm just about ready to give up my cruise-y city lifestyle for a farmer and some incessant rural heat.

To answer your frequently asked questions: yes, this might be the second reality television show I've applied for in the past two months but no, that shouldn't at all be indicative of my motivation and/or what content people want to read. 

In fact, I'm glad I never heard back from The Bachelor (but if you're from The Bachelor production team and reading this, I'm still open to being approached. Seriously, you can find me on Insta).

I'm just a girl, looking for a tree change to share with a man and their many animals.

So, this week, I decided to apply for Farmer Wants a Wife.

In the interests of everyone, I thought I'd share the process while I was at it. So, here's my application. Fingers crossed they want me this time around. 

Why are you applying for Farmer Wants a Wife?

My editor told me to. 

Farmer Wants a Wife combines my three favourite things: love, reality TV and dogs.

How important is finding love to you?

Is "finding love" on my list of long-term values and goals? Sure! How important is it for me to find... right now? I mean, not particularly. 

I'm still pretty young. I definitely wouldn't say I'm searching for it but hey if it comes, it comes.

(If this is a deal-breaker, forget what I said. I go to sleep dreaming of falling in love and wake up to a list of recorded manifestations of my dream partner. Farmer? Check!)

What are your relationship deal-breakers and why?

• Doesn't think cocktails are 'manly enough'. I think this says a lot about someone.
• Is a Sagittarius. For obvious reasons.
• Doesn't like dogs. What are you hiding? 
• Refuses to watch Mamma Mia! with me. Again, I think this is indicative of the type of person someone is. Mamma Mia! is objectively a fantastic movie. You'll like it, I promise.

What mistakes have you made in the past when it comes to relationships?

I dated someone who didn't think cocktails were manly enough. Bad move.

How would your friends describe you?

I texted a few friends to hear it in their words. Their responses say more about them than me, but I thought I'd share them nonetheless: 

Image: Supplied.

Image: Supplied.

Image: Supplied.

How long have you been single?

Eight months, two weeks, and five days. 

I'm healed now, I promise.

What do you pride yourself on the most?

My indoor plants. I've only ever lost one - and it was because I dropped it upside down when I was trying to water it outside on a particularly stressful day. 

This would translate well to the farm, I bet.

What are your special qualities?

• I can fall asleep in three minutes at any hour of the day... aside from bedtime.
• I have a great Instagram presence (It's @emma.gillman, if you were wondering).
• I can count to 10 in Italian.

Tell us the three things you'd like your farmer to know about you?

1. My love language is physical touch and sending minutiae updates of what's going on in my day via Instagram DMs. When you're working hard on the farm, you can expect pics of the mouse I found in our pantry, my afternoon snack of peanut butter toast, and a play-by-play of any given conversation I have with a coworker. I don't expect a response, but it'd be really cool if you did. 

2. I think the song 'Vienna' by Billy Joel is free therapy. If you ever hear me belting it out and having a cry, just leave me be for a few minutes and I'll be good to go. 

3. If possible, I'd like your farm to be five minutes from Woolies or Coles. A drive is fine! I have a habit of running to the grocery shop a few minutes before it closes for an evening snack and it'd be great to pass this ritual down to our little farm-raised kiddies as they grow up.

When you imagine yourself living on a farm, what do you see?

Have you seen The Simple Life with Paris Hilton?

Image: The Simple Life.

... That. 

What qualities are important in a partner?

• Is okay with me watching Married at First Sight multiple times a week, even though it is objectively trash television.
• Doesn't bag me out for talking about star signs.
• Reads my stories and provides insightful and exclusively positive feedback.
• MUST be a farmer.

Will you speak your mind if something is bothering you?

Yes, to my detriment.

What is the most romantic thing someone could do for you?

Sign up to a TV show looking to find the love of their life (me) while kissing anywhere between three and eight other women along the way. *swoon* 

If you were to organise your dream date with the farmer, what would it be?

I've thought about this a lot recently. 

There's nothing I love more than soft cheeses and animals. So, for my dream date, I'd set up a picnic for my farmer and I in the middle of the cow... pen. (Is it called a pen? You know what I mean.)

Not only would this make for some beautiful television - see below: a photoshopped image for your consideration, but it would also be super hot seeing how my farmer keeps their animals in line. 

Picture it: us, at the farm, a cow nipping at our picnic. Image: Supplied.

It's the simple things. 

Where would you like to be in five years' time?

In five years' time, I'll be 26 and if all goes well (aka if I get accepted to appear on Farmer Wants a Wife), I should have at least an extra 10k followers to plug hair vitamins and meal box subscription kits.

Oh... and a happy family with two kids running around on a farm would be great too, I guess.

Let me say it again: I'm. Just. Here. For. Followers. Love. 

On that note, for more from me, you can find my most ridiculous and unfiltered thoughts on Instagram: @emma.gillman. 

Feature Image: Supplied.