Helpful life advice obtained from famous movie makeovers.

Is your life not currently turning out how you had hoped? Is something missing? Are you not good enough?

We can help you with that.

Turns out, the secret to making your life exceptionally better is actually pretty simple. All you need is a movie-style makeover.

Just follow these six simple steps and you’ll be on your way to becoming a much better person than you are now. The whole process usually works best if you can make it fit into a 40-second montage. If you can’t make that happen, at least be certain to enlist the help of a sassy best friend whose problems the audience don’t care about because she’s not the star.

Good luck! (Oh – and don’t get too excited, but if you do this properly, it’s more than likely you’ll end up with a man. A man! The stakes are high.)

Now get changing!

1. Change your hair.

Frizzy? No highlights? DEVOID OF LAYERS? Nobody is going to notice you that way. Drop that book and pick up a blowdryer. STAT.

2. Change your weight.

Oh, did we say ‘change your weight’? We meant ‘lose your weight’. If you want to be awesome (and snag a man), you’re allowed to have been fat in flashbacks only. Present-day fat does not work.

3. Change your whole face situation.

It’s pretty simple really: Your face is shit. Remove those glasses, pluck those eyebrows and add some make-up. There, that’s better. Now you can come out of your shell and let people notice the talents you had all along.

4. Change your friends.

Aint nobody ever got anywhere hanging out with unattractive people. Ditch those weirdos who you get along with so well and latch on to the closest DD-cup you can find.

5. Change your clothes.

Everybody knows that if you want to make a man love you, you must dress the way he likes. This is an important part of every movie-style makeover. Forget your taste – it’s bad. You cannot wear anything that you feel comfortable in ever again.

6. Change your identity.

Step six is an emergency step. If the the above five steps fail, you must proceed to the next level: IDENTITY CHANGE. Basically, do the opposite of anything you would usually do in life, ever. This step works even better if you have a man who can explain to you how you should be living your life. You know, what your interests should be, and that sort of thing. Sandy from Grease was AWESOME at this step. And she snagged herself a possibly-gay scientologist who can make cars fly so… This system totally works, you guys.

So there you have it. Six simple steps to give yourself a movie makeover and change your life for the better. (Oh, and don’t forget the man. Movie-style makeovers mean nothing unless they end with a surprised ‘this totally has nothing to do with your looks but I’ve never noticed everything that was great about you until this moment’ man.

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