By ROSIE WATERLAND
A very sciencey-type science study is making the internet rounds today, because it finally offers definitive proof for the very important thing that everybody knows to be true:
The more you bang on about your relationship on Facebook, the shittier your relationship probably is.
Or, to put it the technical way the science people put it:
“On a daily basis, when people felt more insecure about their partner’s feelings, they tended to make their relationships visible.”
Now, I’m no scientist myself (in Year Ten I was supposed to write an essay about oil as an energy source – I wrote a brilliant monologue from the point of view of Olive Oil about her sad, failing marriage to Canola), but I’m pretty sure this Facebook Relationship study is legit. I know this because I have lived it. I AM THE PROOF OF THIS SCIENCE.
(The proof is also probably the actual proof, found in the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin right here.) But I’m writing this, so let’s make it about me, shall we?
My last relationship was extremely shitty.
We fought from Day One. No part of it was ever simple or easy. We never even had that honeymoon period where you have endless sexy-times. Just fights and anxiety and resentment and stress. So. Much. Stress.
But, if you had looked at my Facebook page at the time, you would have thought I was madly in love. Madly in love in what was possibly the greatest relationship since Sam and Diane. Or Jim and Pam. Or Bert and Ernie. Or Charles and Diana: The Early Years.
I made my relationship look like total perfection. The Facebook version of my relationship was a tightly controlled machine. I put up photos of us kissing. I posted statuses that said nothing but: “Best. Boyfriend. Ever. SO IN LOVE <3 <3 <3.” I tagged him in YouTube videos of Death Cab for Cutie songs under which I would place a single heart emoticon. My profile picture always had him in it. Usually staring lovingly at me.
Top Comments
It's all about moderation. I think it's OK to post the occasional pic of you and your partner, or check in if you're going somewhere fancy, just as it would be normal to do with your girlfriends. Posting 'I love you' once a week on their wall? Not so much...
I think the most telling are the people who one day post a photo of their 'super wonderful bf' and then the next have a status about how some guy hit on them at the supermarket...
Yes, I've always believed this about people who gush on Facebook. Love is something that is supposed to be sacred. The fb posts make it seem cheap and exploited. To post sometimes about your partner is ok, like every few months.
When I had to choose readings for my church wedding I chose the one that says, "Without love, I am nothing but cymbals crashing." I took it to mean exactly what this study is about!