From a plane to a kids' playground: The sex life of an exhibitionist.

As told to Shona Hendley.

My name is Molly*, I am a 39-year-old married mother of two. I'm also an exhibitionist; I love to have sex or partake in sexual activities in public. 

Not many people know about my sexual behaviour of choice, only a few select friends, my husband and most of my previous partners.

I keep this to myself for two reasons.

Firstly, because although by definition exhibitionism is about exposure and the thrill of getting caught, for me the experience is still private; just like most people view the details of their sex life between them and their partner. 

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Secondly, my reason for not telling many people about being an exhibitionist is because there is a definite lack of understanding and judgement about it. 

Many people have this idea of exhibitionism being like something from a movie, or a deviant behaviour that needs to be corrected. They view it as strange or kinky, something that 'normal' people don’t do but for me at least, this is not the case. It is completely normal, empowering and incredibly pleasurable.

My exhibitionism began in my early twenties inadvertently during a one-night stand. I met a man in a club and we decided to have sex outside in a nearby side street 

There was no one in the street but people were continually walking across it at the other end, I could hear them and see them in the distance. I have no idea if anyone saw us but the idea that they could have was what mattered the most. 

Although I had a pretty adventurous sex life before this, being involved in sex in a public place where we could have very easily been caught just ignited this desire inside of me, it made the sex incredibly pleasurable. I was turned on more than ever before and I couldn’t stop thinking about it for weeks afterwards. I knew I had to do it again.

The idea of getting caught, doing something that is usually intimately private in a public environment is in one word: thrilling. 

For me, there is nothing else quite like it. It is like combining two worlds, two opposites that shouldn’t go together but when they do, they are like really sexy fireworks.

After this, when I was dating a partner for a while I would suggest or even initiate sex in public. 

Most were more than willing to try it without much persuasion. 

Over the years I’ve had sex or undertaken sexual activities in a wide variety of places: sex in cars in public carparks, bathrooms of restaurants or bars, public park benches or picnic tables, public pools, blow jobs in the movie theatre, being fingered on a plane, you name it, I’ve probably done it.

I have been caught a handful of times – the most memorable occasion was probably during turbulence on a plane that shifted the blanket at an inopportune time for my then boyfriend.

On the occasions where I have been caught in the act, I was met with either disgust (the plane) or complete shock combined with desperation for them to get as far away from us as possible. 

I realise that it makes others uncomfortable but as selfish as it may be, the reason I am doing what I am doing is about my own pleasure, not how they feel.

For me, exhibitionism is just like any other sexual fantasy or desire that someone might have. 

For some it could be porn, S&M, swinging, or threesomes, for me it is the thrill of getting caught in public that really turns me on like nothing else.

When I met my husband, I introduced him to exhibitionism, and he also loved it. Over the years we have continued to have sex in public regularly. 

Even after nearly 10 years of marriage and two children, it has made its way into our weekly sexual routine.

The kids have slowed us down a bit though. 

Now our exhibitionism involves us have sex in the lounge room with curtains open or inside a bathroom cubicle at a restaurant with the door closed.

Although sometimes when we are feeling game, we have sex on the children’s playground in the housing estate we live in, right under a streetlight (and clean it afterwards). For us these experiences really keep the excitement alive. 

Our sex life and my sex life before my husband hasn’t solely involved exhibitionism. 

I do also have sex without it being in public, or without this thrill of being caught. Like everything, variety is key. 

I can definitely say though that exhibitionism is by far the best sex I have and always has been. Without it, or even without having a plan for it, sex just isn’t as good, and it never will be. 

*Names have been changed.

Shona Hendley is a freelance writer and ex-secondary school teacher. You can follow her on Instagram: @shonamarion.

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