'The... foot.' 12 thoughts I have about that wild Em Rata and Eric Andre 'Valentine' photo.

Today, in things we probably did not need to see: Emily Ratajkowski and Eric Andre are naked, possibly day-drunk and keen to show us all how DTF they are.

The pair first made headlines while out and about in January, following Em Rata's fling with Pete Davidson, and they've just hard launched (literally) on Instagram.

Without any clothes.

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A post shared by Eric Andre (@ericfuckingandre)

Andre shared two images showing the pair's Valentine's Day plans, and it might be the greatest humble brag of all time.

It has left us with many questions, however. And not just the very obvious 'why?' Here's what has been rattling around in my mind ever since I first laid eyes on these photos:

Okay, what's the timeline here?

No one in these images is wearing pants. We get it.

But how did they come to be? Ok sorry that was a poor choice of words. 

I'm assuming this is post-coitus, because surely you wouldn't pause for a pic when your clothes have just been strewn across the room. So, who initiated the photoshoot? Was it discussed beforehand? Did she whip out the phone and say 'SMILE', and he is so confident that his hands did not immediately move to cover himself? Was it always meant for IG? How long was spent considering which emojis to censor them?

Just, ya know, wondering about the logistics.

I hate everything about the placement of his foot.

NOOO

It feels so... aggressively flexed. Like, I couldn't flex my foot that hard if I tried. It's terrifying.

Why is the couch so small?

I just feel like there's not enough space for activities. SPECIFICALLY that activity. 

WE CAN SEE THAT THERE IS A MUCH LARGER COUCH IN THE MIRROR TOO. So, is this the sex-specific couch? I'm sorry, but it's objectively too small.

Thoughts and prayers for Eric Andre's neck.

Did the emojis need to be that large?

Just wondering.

The undies. In the jeans. 

We need to talk about it.

WE COULD'VE GONE OUR WHOLE LIVES WITHOUT SEEING THIS

There's nothing sexy about undies still in the jeans I AM SORRY.

The rug is really dirty. Right?

The rug looks a little like pieces of chewed gum stuck together but I bet it costs more than my entire existence.

It also appears heavily stained. Whether that is because of their activities... idk.

I am a better plant parent than Em Rata.

Spare a thought for Em Rata's six-leaf fiddle leaf fig fighting for its life in the reflection.

Is this a viewing chair?

👀

Don't let the intense nakedness distract you from this seat, which looks like the place a guest was sitting before they rushed out when whatever just happened started happening.

Why are his socks so far apart?

The placement of all the clothes on the floor is giving 'frantic', but I need to draw special attention to the socks.

They're so far apart, which suggests that they came off at different times. It just creates such a vivid image, does it not?

What is going on in the fireplace?

In my head, they are burning paparazzi pictures of Pete Davidson.

Is this a shoulder selfie?

I think this is an artistic, framed armpit.

These two knew exactly what they were doing.

At the end of the day, these are just images of hot people doing hot people things, who also really want us to know about their hot people things.

No, we didn't need to see it. At all. But I'm not mad that we now have. 

Feature image: Instagram/@ericfuckingandre.

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