Emma Gannon achieved greater success than she'd ever imagined. It made her miserable.

In June 2018, Emma Gannon had an epiphany.

It wasn't exactly the triumphant, life-affirming kind. Rather, this sudden realisation had her sobbing, alone, in a far-away hotel room, questioning a defining part of her identity.

See, until that moment, the British writer and podcaster had chained herself to the career treadmill. After university, she worked in social media agencies, then went on to a career in magazines at print-media giant Condé Nast. The office was her safe space. She fully embraced the high heels, the late nights, and the constant ping of emails landing in her inbox.

Watch: On No Filter, Emma Gannon speaks up about burnout. Post continues after video.

When she later chose to be a freelance writer, the treadmill only spun faster. Her interview podcast about work and wellbeing, Ctrl Alt Delete, racked up millions of downloads. Her book, The Multi-Hyphen Method, was a best-seller. And in 2018, she was named on the coveted Forbes '30 Under 30' list for her industry.

Then came that epiphany.

Speaking to Mamamia's No Filter podcast, Gannon said that she was on a trip to the Isle of Man for a lucrative speaking gig. Having delivered her talk, she sat in her luxury hotel room and thought not about how much she was earning, but how much pursuing this life had cost her.

"I'd lost touch with my friends, I'd missed someone's birthday, and one of my friends had just had a kid and I'd forgotten all about it," Gannon said. "I was too busy to take care of myself, to take care of my body. I felt so empty and really miserable.

"It was just such a classic moment. I was like, 'I've got this all wrong. I need to really go back to what my definition of success is, because it's not this.'"

Five years on, and Gannon has written a book on that very subject. Not THE book, she stresses (she considers herself more of a test case than a guru), but one that she humbly hopes will help other people arrive at sadly radical version of success; one in which we're "doing the very best with what we have and finding ways to enjoy ourselves along the way."

It's called The Success Myth.

What is success, anyway?

In The Success Myth, Gannon notes that we typically think of success as a milestone; something we achieve when we've reached X position, are earning Y salary, or can buy/do Z.

Yet as Gannon herself hit goal after professional goal, she wondered why the clouds didn't part, why there wasn't a marching band nor feelings of elation and contentment.

The same was true for most of the people she interviewed on Ctrl Alt Delete — from politicians to actors, researchers to activists.

Though they'd achieved incredible 'successes', many reported feelings of deep dissatisfaction and, as a result, guilt.

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It's a well-documented psychological phenomenon known as "the arrival fallacy": the belief that once we reach a goal, we will experience lasting satisfaction. In reality, we are so conditioned to strive for more, to hustle, to think bigger, that we're simply never satisfied. And so we get back on the career treadmill, exert ourselves, chase the endorphins, just to feel like we're moving forward.

As Gannon explores in her book, "the arrival myth" is just one of the many ways in which the prevailing model of success actually sets us up to fail. (Others include the fact that it doesn't account for social disadvantages nor promote wellbeing, plus it’s often detached from reality. Take 'balance', the yardstick for working parents/caregivers, for example. It's simply not possible.)

And so, she poses an alternative model of success. She argues that success should be defined by the individual, and it should be about what you want from your life, right now.

That means not chasing validation from your peers, or parents, or social media followers. And not trying to meet external expectations. As Gannon puts it, "How would you like your life to look if you didn't have to advertise it to others?"

"Society makes us pile things on," she said. "We get the house, we get the garden, we get the dog, we have the kids, then the kids have to go to a good school, then bla bla bla," she said. "We're comparing all the time. 

"I think we're sold this definition of success that is so stressful. And I think a lot of us are very tired."

Her intention is not for people to abandon long-held dreams. It's simply to encourage them to separate what looks good from what feels good when determining their definition of success.

"What I'm saying in this book is what do you actually want from your life?" she said. "Do you want all of those things? Is there anything you can say no to?"

Gannon found her answer. It took ending her podcast, saying no to lucrative opportunities, undergoing therapy, repairing relationships, and working to curb her negative self-talk.

"I have genuinely got to a place — and this might change — where I have a real grasp on what is enough for me. It's very personal," she said. "I know how much money I want to earn. I know how much free time I want to have. And I know that I don't want to work myself to the bone anymore.

"Things are smaller now... But day to day, my life is so much better."

To hear more from Emma Gannon about success, including why she doesn't believe we should pursue our "passions", listen to No Filter below or via your favourite podcast app.

Feature Image: Instagram @emmagannonuk.

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