Whether you have kids or not, it’s a fact absolutely everybody knows – kids have no filters.
While most of the time it can be pretty endearing and funny, every now and then, something comes out of their little mouths that makes you question precisely everything.
It’s usually unintentional, but those tiny humans really know how to embarrass their parents in public.
Seriously. Image credit: Twitter
From telling off strangers to sharing Mum and Dad’s secrets and announcing their knowledge of, erm, anatomy to the world, most parents have an embarrassing story to tell.
But there is an upside – YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
In the name of honest parenting, we asked Mamamia readers to share the moments their toddler's made them wonder... honestly WTF.
Here’s what they had to say:
1. When toilet training goes wrong.
“My partner’s niece, who is in the process of being potty trained, did a poo on the side of the pathway, in front of everyone including other hikers.
“There was no time to get the portable potty out. Her grandfather had to pick it up in a dog poo bag.”
2. When your child mum shames you.
“She told strangers that I forgot to put her seatbelt on. I swear it only happened once.”
3. When you realise you… shouldn’t have said that.
“They told another child, ‘My mummy says your mummy wears too much makeup.'”
Parents of Toddlers: Translated. Post continues after video.
4. When Santa looks like Daddy.
“My daughter aged 22 months old was at a playgroup Christmas morning tea. While Santa was giving gifts to the kids, she piped up saying, ‘That’s not Santa, that’s a Daddy.’ It was indeed a ‘Daddy’ dressed up as Santa. I was mortified.”
5. When your child interrupts the priest.
“At a mass, my four-year-old was fiddling under the pew, paying zero attention to the service until the priest said something along the lines of, ‘God is a spirit’. She flew out from under the chair and asked at the highest volume, ‘Did he just say that God is a FERRET?”
6. When your child understands death… too well.
“A friend’s little boy walked up to the coffin at a funeral and shouted, ‘Dead, Dead, Dead!'”
7. When sex education goes wrong.
“My sister is a midwife and decided her girls should understand the human body so she never hid anything and explained what they were seeing. One day, with a house full of guests, my sister excused herself and her three-year-old daughter said, ‘Are you going to change your tampon, Mummy?'”
8. When they tell off a stranger.
“She told off a bikie-looking man in our local IGA. She said, ‘You mustn’t leave the house with no shoes on… that’s bad manners, you know?’ Luckily, he laughed.”
9. When they’re far too honest for their own good.
“While sitting next to an elderly gentleman at a bus stop, my three-year-old told him, ‘You’re old! You are probably going to die soon.'”
10. When they learn the lyrics to a questionable song.
“My son, aged three, was sitting in a shopping trolley when he stared deep into the eyes of a woman likely in her 80s and bellowed, ‘Your sex is on fire!'”
11. When you make an internal memo to remind them of the importance of the five second rule.
“My son found a potato chip on the floor in Woolworths (no doubt another child’s scrap) and promptly ate it. He then went on to tell me how delicious it was.”
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12. When your child gets confused about change rooms.
“I was trying something on in a change room and when I took my pants off, my toddler yelled, ‘NO MUMMY, YOU CAN’T WEE IN HERE!'”
13. When they almost get you arrested.
“I was walking into the main entrance of Target when my daughter said at the top of her voice to her Dad and me, ‘I’d like to go back to my family now. Please take me back to my family.’
“Her grandparents were in another part of the shopping centre and she wanted to go back to them. Cue encouraging her to acknowledge we were her family as well.”
14. When they want to be included in everything.
“My younger son was annoyed that he wasn’t part of every family story. When we were out at a restaurant talking about a cat who died before he was born, he chimed in with, ‘I remember Gordon. I saw him out of Mummy’s vagina.'”
15. When you want the ground to swallow you up.
“They asked the Coles check-out lady if she had a hairy penis…”
16. When they understand anatomy a little too well.
“My two-and-a-half-year-old yelled at a cafe waiter: ‘Man Man has a penis! Mummy has a gina! Mummy gina!'”
17. When things get awkward in public.
“I was having a matter-of-fact conversation with my son when he was five, answering his questions in a truthful and honest way. The result of which was him exclaiming, ‘I came out of your vagina?!’ very loudly in the middle of a busy tourist part of Sydney.
What’s the most embarrassing thing your toddler has done in public? Let us know in the comments section.
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Top Comments
My brother, who was about 3 at the time, was catching the bus with my mum. He ran to the back of the bus ahead of her, and when he turned around he called out, "Hey mum, I can see your mustache from here!" She was still standing at the front of the bus, so everyone heard it.
This same brother was waiting with mum to use a toilet in the public library. He says to mum, "That lady in there pees really loud". Turns out it was the librarian. Library visits were a little awkward after that.
We were going up an escalator and a rather large man was coming down it. Just as we met in the middle, my daughter (aged two at the time) loudly enquired as to why he had boobs.
hey ... don't start a story and then leave us hanging here in suspense Michelle - what did you say?
The words, random dude...they did not come, for I was aghast. Mammory Man also kept a lid on it and I take my hat off to him. I dare say the poor bloke had heard it before.