Forget the post-it note: is this the worst possible way to break up with someone?

June 28, 2015

Image: Is the form letter the new post-it breakup? We hope not… (via Sex and the City).

After running a mental postmortem on why the guy I was dating ended things, I discovered he used a form letter from an Internet site to break up with me! And this was my response…

To Whom It May Concern,

Breaking up with someone after six weeks of dating via email is a cowardly thing to do. I found the website you used to craft the letter. But what especially sucked is you sent the email at the exact moment we were going to Skype. It was also at the exact moment you knew my friends left so I had no one to watch movies or to binge-eat ice cream with.

In your email, you admitted to being a coward. I wouldn’t directly call someone that. I figured maybe you had something going on in your life, or a specific reason. Does it count if technically the website that crafted the email was the one to call you a coward, or is that semantics? All you had to do was check a few boxes and the magic of the Internet created a letter on your behalf. Classy. (Post continues after gallery.)

Celebrities talking about their break ups.

Jennifer Aniston.It was possibly one of the most talked about Hollywood break ups - Jen and Brad. In an interview with Vanity Fair Jen shared her experience, "There are many stages of grief. It's sad, something coming to an end. It cracks you open, in a waycracks you open to feeling. When you try to avoid the pain, it creates greater pain. I'm a human being, having a human experience in front of the world. I wish it weren't in front of the world. I try really hard to rise above it." Image via WikiCommons.

June 28, 2015

SUBSCRIBER: Stevie Nicks And The Hard Truth About Rivalry

Mamamia Out Loud

Rita Ora.Rita discussed her break up with Calvin Harris in Marie Claire, "It was more of a thing where I was in awe. I was at that point in my relationship where I felt he could do no wrong. I thought he had my back and that he'd never steer me wrong. But then 'I Will Never Let You Down' came out, and everything started to go a bit weird. I don't know if it was because business was mixed with personal or what." Image via Instagram (@ritaora).

Demi Moore.Demi Moore discussed her breakup with Ashton Kutcher with Harpers Bazar - "I used to think that what scared me was the idea of being abandoned until someone said to me, 'Only children can be abandoned. Adults can't be abandoned because we have a choice. Children don't have a choice.' So I started to rethink. 'OK, it's not that. What's the underlying thread that really scares me?' I think what scares me is not having the courage to reach my full potential." Image via Twitter (@justdemi).

Kim Kardashian.On her website, KimKardashian.com Kim shared her breakup with Kris Humphries, "I felt like I was on a fast roller coaster and couldn't get off when now I know I probably should have. I got caught up with the hoopla and the filming of the TV show that when I probably should have ended my relationship, I didn't know how to and didn't want to disappoint a lot of people." Image via Instagram.

J-Lo."It felt like my heart had been torn out of my chest." - Jennifer Lopez on Ben Affleck, in her memoir True Love. Image via Instagram.

Reese Witherspoon"[Divorce is] very humiliating and very isolating... But, by the way, if it's not painful, maybe it wasn't the right decision to marry to begin with." - Elle Magazine. Image via WikiCommons.

Cameron Diaz."When I was going through a bit of a heartbreak a little while ago, I said to a friend, 'Wow, this really hurts!' And he said to me, 'That just shows you what your capacity for loving is.' I would rather have my heart broken a thousand times than never to love at all. I have so much love to give I'm not empty of love, I'm full of love." - Cameron discussing her break up with Alex Rodriguez in InStyle. Image via Instagram.

Katy Perry.During an interview on The Project Katy discussed her break up with Russell Brand - "Sometimes you can be blinded by your extreme emotions. I definitely was looking for answers during that time I wrote that song ["The Grace of God"]. And yeah, I was depressed, and it was sad, and there were thoughts, but there were never actions, thankfully." Image via Instagram.

Taylor Swift."There's just been this earth-shattering, not recent, but absolute crash-and-burn heartbreak, and that will turn out to be what the next album is about. The only way that I can feel better about myself pull myself out of that awful pain of losing someone is writing songs about it to get some sort of clarity." - Taylor Swift, Vogue. Image via Instagram.

Emma Stone."I was crawling on the floor. I remember throwing up. I remember being on the floor... I have never felt anything quite like that. It was so visceral. It's like someone has killed you and you have to live through it and watch it happen. It was awful." - Emma Stone on her first heartbreak, Interview. Image via WikiCommons.

I will however, thank you for using a form letter because first it lets me know how minimally you were invested in any of our interactions (somehow that hurts less). Secondly, I’m a writer. You basically handed me over writing gold. How often can people tell stories around the dinner table about how they were dumped via a form letter?

Here I was, sifting for clues. There must have been something I missed along the way; some piece of information. You never directly complimented me. You’d ask my opinion on your clothes even though I’m not a clothes person. I’d listen to your stories of how you’d like to purchase shoes that are made from horses.

That was a bit disconcerting. You told me my feet looked small. They’re a size 10, but I was willing to go with it. You never told me I was pretty, but isn’t it great to know someone appreciates you beyond looks? Isn’t that what we all want? Maybe that was a bad sign. (post continues after gallery).

"There must have been something I missed along the way; some piece of information."

We had fun, I think. I now know facts like: bicycles in World War II didn’t have rubber tires. I know green tea lattes taste like drinking a plant. I know what Scandinavian metal sounds like and that I’d probably never choose to listen to it on my own.

I know that even men who come across as being gentlemen can still view others around them as being disposable. People aren’t always who you think they are, but I’m choosing to continue to give future guys the benefit of the doubt. I know there’s some good ones out there. Hopefully you can mature into one.

And why did you log onto Skype as planned, while simultaneously sending me the break-up email? It felt strange when I noticed the message was full of clichés… “it’s not you, it’s me,” “I need space,” “we can still be friends,” “we’re moving in different directions.”

Sami Jankins (via Twitter)

How do people move in different directions in six weeks? I felt I deserved more than a cliché after all the time put in — six-plus hours, multiple times a week. I deserved at least a phone call. I chalked it up to the millennial generation’s inability to communicate effectively. No. It was your inability to communicate at all.

I have to say; I’m extremely content that this wasn’t just some random email that you crafted upon realising I had no long-term potential. It makes me so much happier to know that I can have this story to tell forever.

I noticed one of the “sign off” options for the form letter is “I hope maggots devour your testicles.” My graduate school writing friends were really hoping I’d end this letter with that. Alas, no.

"Breaking up with someone after six weeks of dating via email is a cowardly thing to do."

I also want to recommend never using the website's form letter to quit your job. At this point I’m concerned (on your behalf) that you would see that as a viable option. I know you had mentioned that you were a bit unhappy with where you were working. I doubt the potential ex-boss would write a recommendation after that. Also, be more stealth about these things!

Thank you for sharing who you really are. It never was me, it really was you. In the words of T-Swift’s “Bad Blood” — “respect ain’t quite sincere no more.”

Looking forward to that friendship of ours (also another option from the form),

Sami

(This was generated by a real human because people can still write letters. Go figure.)

How have you ended a past relationship?

This article was originally posted on Ravishly. Read the original article here.

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