'I went into menopause at 23. Years later, doctors made things worse.'

The beginning of Emily's health story is unusual.

Unlike other women with the same condition, she received her diagnosis before any symptoms arose.

"My mum had really early menopause, so I got investigated when I was 23," she explained to Mamamia. 

At that time, Emily was diagnosed with Premature Ovarian Insufficiency (POI). This is defined as "a loss of normal function of the ovaries before the age 40".

Rather than explaining how this diagnosis would manifest, the doctor gave Emily one directive — "just have babies young!".

And she did, welcoming her first daughter when she was 25.

For four years, everything was fine. That was until the UK-based mum welcomed twins aged 29, and "things completely fell apart".

Watch the benefits of hormone replacement therapy for menopause. Post continues below.

"I had a whole host of symptoms postnatally that were really debilitating, for about a year," she told Mamamia.

Emily experienced nausea, vomiting, palpitations, hot flushes, night sweats, brain fog, overwhelm, mood changes, poor pelvic floor function, and severe heavy periods. 

"Even though I had a (POI) diagnosis, I couldn't get the right treatment, which impacted all aspects of my life but, in particular, how I could care for my children."

Seeking help from the doctor, Emily's symptoms were "put down to being a new mum".

She was told: "Oh, you're just a new mum and you're tired, you've got heavy periods, you're overwhelmed, you're angry, you're low. Just take antidepressants." That kind of thing, without actually listening and investigating," she explained.

"I feel like women have everything blamed on just being a mum to young children. That was really difficult when the twins were babies."

Not knowing enough about menopause at the time, Emily believed the doctors.

"But things didn't improve which is why I should have been listened to," she added.

With the UK in lockdown due to COVID, Emily had never felt more isolated as she tried to balance her own health with caring for her three children.

"My husband was a doctor, so he was out all day," she recalled. "I was bed bound with nausea. I couldn't care for them. I was trying the best I could. I did have to use childcare help because I couldn't look after my children. It was really difficult.

"I feel like women have everything blamed on just being a mum to young children," Emily said. Image :Instagram/@motheringandthemenopause

"The physical symptoms were impacting everything. Weak muscles, sore joints, pelvic floor, heavy periods, I couldn't get up the stairs without lying down. In the night I'd be woken up from my really heavy periods and night sweats, not even just because of the twins."

For Emily, the "loneliness" was one of the hardest parts.

"I couldn't talk to my normal mum friends. Because if I started saying to my mum friends, 'Oh, I'm getting hot flushes,' or 'I feel about 95 years old,' they just wouldn't get that," she explained.

"You don't really feel you can connect with the normal menopause groups, because they don't get the struggles with young children.

"It was really lonely, and there's also that guilt of 'I can't be the mum that I want to be right now because I'm just so low and I haven't got that support network'."

With her symptoms getting worse by the day, Emily eventually reached her breaking point.

"My mood was the final straw as that hit rock bottom about nine months postnatally, and I really struggled to leave the house and hated myself. That's what encouraged me to get help privately."

After seeking specialist care, the mum-of-three was finally heard. Instructed to undergo HRT — Hormone Replacement Therapy —  in conjunction with lifestyle changes, she felt better within days.

"I can't just take HRT and then expect to be back to my normal self," the 32-year-old explained. "I don't feel I'll ever be back to my normal self, but I need to do a lot of other things to look after my well being."

These days, her symptoms can be "in control" one minute and "out of control" the next.

"That's something that's really hard about being a mum, stress exacerbates your symptoms," she said. "Caffeine exacerbates it, and lack of sleep, and all those things, they all make your symptoms worse.

"The physical symptoms were impacting everything," Emily said. Image: Instagram/@motheringandthemenopause

"I still have days where I feel really overwhelmed. I get a lot of menopause rage," Emily continued. "If you've got a child screaming at you it's already overwhelming. I would say overwhelm and rage are the two things that mums seem to get the most. I think that's just because you've got so little time."

While some days are harder than others, Emily has learned to exercise self compassion. 

"I think I've really learned to be like, it's okay to find this hard," she said. "And that's something that I would say to anyone who's experiencing it, because it is really hard. It's not supported enough, it's really isolating, and it has such a massive impact on you and your children."

She encourages other mums in her situation to keep a log of every symptom and advocate for themselves.

"If you're not being heard, I would go to a menopause specialist, but I wouldn't wait," Emily said. "The younger you are, it is really key to get on the right treatment; there are long term health risks without it.

"In terms of caring for your children, definitely ask for help. Talk to your friends and family, because they're not going to understand unless you tell them, find people who do understand."

It is for this reason Emily founded the group Mothering and The Menopause — a supportive, non-judgmental space for mums with young children, who are experiencing perimenopause or menopause. 

The group offers holistic support through yoga classes, expert speakers, meetups (virtually for those in Australia) and, soon, a sleep clinic.

"I founded the group so that nobody else has to feel like me," Emily told Mamamia.

"It's for mums of all menopause. So whether you're an older mum, whether you've got early menopause, no matter how many children you've got or how you had them. It's a group to empower and support each other."

Feature Image: Instagram/@motheringandthemenopause