Listen to this story being read by Laura Jackel, here.
Suddenly startled, I woke in a panic at 3am, dripping with sweat. For any mother of a young baby, this wasn’t an uncommon occurrence, and I quickly looked over at my little baby boy sleeping peacefully in his bassinet, relieved that he was okay and not responsible for my sudden waking.
I staggered to the bathroom, desperate for the toilet, and as I sank onto the cool toilet seat, I reflected in my half-asleep state that something didn’t feel quite right.
These night panics and sweating were happening more regularly, but I wasn’t sure why. I already had a daughter who was almost three, yet I couldn’t recall experiencing similar things when she was a baby.
I changed my soaking PJs and hopped back into bed, praying for some more sleep before the inevitable cries of a hungry baby or energetic toddler dragged me from my slumber.
Watch: Mia Freedman talks about perimenopause. Post continues below.
Mentally, I was happier than I’d ever been since becoming a mum for the second time. My first child, a daughter, had come along following eight cycles of IVF and after growing up as an only child, I had hoped to give her a brother or sister. Thankfully, my son had come along after only a couple of IVF attempts and made our dreams come true.
Physically, however, it was another story. I was increasingly not feeling myself at all.
Now four months old, my baby boy was developing signs of reflux and was distraught after most feeds. I focused my energies on soothing him and tried my best to brush off my own physical symptoms.
My exhaustion was next level, but I was a busy mum to two children under three. This is what I’d signed up for, right?
A month later, we were on holiday in sunny Byron Bay for my cousin’s wedding - our first holiday since having my son. It should have been a relaxing occasion, with my husband taking time off from his busy job, but the children weren’t used to being out of routine and their constant nightly wake-ups were tough to handle, despite our beautiful surroundings.
In the early hours of the morning when everyone had finally fallen asleep, I continued to lie in bed, tossing and turning, desperately turning up the air conditioning and wondering why on earth I couldn’t fall asleep.
After four nights of the same scenario playing out, I was a total mess by the day of the wedding. I wanted to enjoy myself as it was a special day for my cousin who I was close to, but in reality, I could hardly bring myself to put on my beautiful new dress and do my hair and makeup.
My whole body ached, and I had to take some painkillers, desperately hoping I could get through the day without falling in a heap.
What was wrong with me? Was it just stress? I knew stress could impact the body physically in a variety of ways.
My period was a few days late, but I’d only had one period since having my son and I just assumed my post-birth hormones were still out of whack. I certainly didn’t feel remotely pregnant, but I still took a test just to rule it out. Big fat negative.
For the first time, I felt relief at only seeing one blue line.
Back in Melbourne, vowing never to go on a family holiday ever again, I decided I’d better go to the GP and see what was going on.
Listen: Mia talks about the Very Peri Summit on No Filter. Post continues below.
My symptoms were so vague that I felt like a bit of imposter describing them to the disinterested GP. I told her that besides the aches and not sleeping, I’d also felt nauseous a lot too. She gave me a script for some sleeping pills and a referral for a gastroenterologist and sent me on my way.
After seeing the gastroenterologist, I went for a gastroscopy while my mum and dad looked after the children for the day. It came back all clear. There was nothing wrong with my stomach at least.
My parents had always been a good sounding bound, and I confessed to them I was getting upset that my symptoms were impacting on my ability to be a good mother to my much-wanted children.
Mum asked if I’d had my hormones checked post birth. She said that some of my symptoms sounded like what she had experienced when she had gone through an early menopause.
Surely that wasn’t what I was experiencing? I thought to myself. I had only just turned 38 plus I had been feeling awful, surely it was much more likely to be some sort of illness than just menopause?
I made another trip back to the GP and requested a hormone test. She seemed unsure whether this was the right path to follow but eventually agreed and wrote me out a pathology slip.
The following week I was having coffee with a friend when my phone beeped. It was a text from the medical clinic saying my test results were in and that I needed to make an appointment. I didn’t tell my friend anything but a few minutes later I noticed that my whole face felt super warm. Maybe it was a self-fulling prophecy because my test results had come back, but was this what a hot flush felt like?
I had to find out, so I made an appointment and returned to the clinic as soon as I could. The GP informed me that my mother’s suspicions had been right. My oestrogen had dropped off a cliff and the many and varied symptoms I’d been experiencing from exhaustion and insomnia to body aches and overheating were in fact because of my body declaring a state of early menopause.
I’d given birth just months earlier, how on earth could I be menopausal?
Following further tests, they diagnosed me with a hormone condition called Premature Ovarian Insufficiency (POI), otherwise known as premature menopause. At age 38, my body had stopped producing oestrogen, progesterone and testosterone - the three hormones required by the female body for a countless number of important bodily functions. A POI diagnosis is specific to women under the age of 40.
My hormone testing throughout my infertility struggles had always indicted a low level of AMH (anti-mullerian hormone), which meant a low level of potential egg cells left in my ovaries. But it wasn’t necessarily a sign that my ovaries would effectively shut down production just months after giving birth.
Without vital oestrogen, particularly at a young age, the female body can experience many debilitating symptoms and can lead to heart disease, osteoporosis, and dementia in later life.
Thankfully, I could start hormone treatment straight away and will need to remain on it for at least the next 10 to15 years, until I reach the age that a natural menopause would occur (around age 51).
Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT) has been completely life changing, once I found the right type and dose, and I may stay on it forever if I feel that’s what works for me.
Clare is a 40-year-old mother of two living in Melbourne’s eastern suburbs with her young family. She has written a book about her journey to conceive her two children which can be found here: Keep Calm and Carry On Trying: An infertility memoir eBook: Sear, Clare Diana: Amazon.com.au: Books.
You can also follow Clare’s journey on Instagram @keepcalmandcarryontrying
Feature Image: Supplied.
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