It was approximately two hours before the Logies red carpet was due to start, as I looked at the pile of clothes in my hallway. I began to seriously regret the choices that had led me to this point.
Why had I not put more effort into finding an outfit? Why had I only tried on two dresses in a shop before abandoning my quest? Why had I accepted the invitation to attend the Logies when I hate anything with the word black-tie attached to it and the thought of sitting on a chair in a room for six hours on a Sunday night made me want to run over my foot with a car? Why had I ever agreed to make a TV series out of my memoir, Strife that was loosely based on the time in my life when I started a media company and why oh why was it good enough to be nominated for best comedy?
As I considered these things, my dog slowly climbed the pile of clothes and went to sleep. I was jealous of her. I too wanted to go to sleep or go anywhere except the Logies which sounds privileged and spoiled because it is.
Brave soldier that I am, however, I knew I had to push through my apathy, my loathing of red carpets and my pathological aversion to being in any situation where I'm asked if I want the chicken or the salmon and put my big girl control pants and shop my closet for an outfit.
I thought I should start with something that, in my mind at least, was a strong contender. Originally this dress was a full maxi and grazed the floor but I couldn't find a way to wear it that long so I'd had it altered and hadn't yet worn it. I love the colour (even though it isn't technically one of my True Autumn colours) and there was a nice synergy to this because I wore the shirt and skirt version (which I also bought) to the premiere of Strife.
Let's f**king do this.
Watch: Inside My Wardrobe | Sequins (Part 1). Post continues below.
OUTFIT #1: Sarah Jane Clarke dress.
I thought I should start with something that, in my mind at least, was a strong contender. Originally this dress was a full maxi and grazed the floor but I couldn't find a way to wear it that long so I'd had it altered and hadn't yet worn it. I love the colour (even though it isn't technically one of my True Autumn colours) and there was a nice synergy to this because I wore the shirt and skirt version (which I also bought) to the premiere of Strife.
OUTFIT #2: Sheike Puffball dress.
I was never serious about this dress but I do want to find a way to wear it one day. I bought it because it was on sale and was the most fabulous type of ridiculous at a time when I was shopping for the Mother Of The Groom outfit. This was the opposite of what I needed for that occasion and it amused me greatly to think about wearing it to my son's wedding. This dress will have its moment but it will not be The Logies in 2024.
OUTFIT #3: Joey The Label Sequin Cargoes.
This would have been a totally different red carpet vibe to all the frocks, and I was quite into that idea mostly because it felt more creative and interesting to me than wearing a dress. I would have worn a white singlet top underneath, and I'd already taken the shoulder pads out of the jacket which adds a great texture but to pull this off would have take more balls and thought than I possessed as the clock ticked down to T minus 90 minutes. The shoes are Zara and they work with these cargoes somehow. Maybe with a black jacket and a t-shirt to work one day. Soon.
OUTFIT #4: Joey The Label pink sequin velvet suit.
Would have required a good steam, obviously but this shot to the top of my consideration pile because I really liked the way it felt so comfortable (velvet and slouchy) but looked elevated (sequins and suit). I threw a white singlet underneath and had I chosen this, I would have worn similar. Again, pale pink is not my colour but somehow this worked. It's the suit we wore for one of our Mamamia Outloud live shows.
OUTFIT #5: Half of a navy Joey The Label suit.
It might surprise you to learn that I have a number of sequin suits, many of them by Joey The Label so it occurred to me that a navy version could work. I tried on the jacket with a view to hunt down the matching pants in my wardrobe if I liked it but naturally, I soon became distracted with a different suit option...
OUTFIT #6: Sass & Bide lime suit.
Brat Girl Logies, could I do it? Ultimately, I decided it felt too much like work and not Logies enough and also; the pants felt a bit too short? There couldn't be a colour less flattering on me so I'm left wondering if it's worth it to get the pants taken down so I can wear something that doesn't suit me. So far, I'm leaning towards yes because I like the hat tip to popular culture while remaining mildly alarmed that it would be too try-hard. TBC.
OUTFIT #7: Ginger & Smart strapless dress and shirt dress.
This was another dress — actually two — that I bought for my son's wearing but ultimately didn't wear. These colours bring me joy and I wish I'd taken a photo of it without the shirt dress over the top. It's a basic, a-line dress in silk (I think?) that has very clean lines and I like a lot but I'm not a strapless girl so I also bought the matching shirt dress with a view to wearing it over the top which of course I've never done.
Here, I tried tying it in a different way but still no.
OUTFIT #8: Could a black jacket make it work? Nah.
OUTFIT #9: Sheike Pink co-ord.
For a time I would buy anything fluro pink because it brought me joy. I think I bought this on sale at the same time as the pink tulle dress but this just looked wrong. I might try to wear the pieces separately but together they don't feel modern to me anymore.
OUTFIT #10: Rixo one-shoulder dress.
This is a gorgeous dress and I like it much more since I cut the lining out of it and made it less bulky but it felt a bit try-hard for the Logies where I was very much going for side-character energy.
OUTFIT #11: Lover dress with jacket.
I bought this from The Iconic because I've been wanting to experiment with sheer skirts and dresses with longer tops and jackets over them but can you imagine me walking a red carpet with my bum out? Not the message I was aiming to send. I'm unclear what message I was trying to send but not this one. I'm going to keep it though and figure out a way to wear it.
Here it is without the jacket I threw over the top. No.
OUTFIT #12: Husk red dress.
Ignore the bodysuit underneath from the prior outfit, I have a red slip that goes with this so it's not see-through. I knew I would be comfortable in this and the colour is great. I would have rolled up the sleeves probably although I couldn't work out which shoes to ear with it.
AND THE WINNER WAS: Celia B dress from Jumbled.
This dress doesn't actually exist so don't go looking for it. It's a skirt and top that my alterationist turned into a dress and I wore it to my son's wedding. I bought the skirt from Jumbled when we were in Orange for a live Outloud show a few years ago and I loved it because it's sequined but the colours are muted. So even though it feels very me, it doesn't scream for attention.
I had two shoe options. The ones on the left with the perspex straps are a wedge and I wore them to the wedding and was on my feet for hours and dancing and they were super comfortable. The other ones are from Zara and looked better with the dress but my feet hurt before I even left the house.
The bag is from AJE and I liked it because it was cross body and the acid yellow weirdly just worked with the colours in the dress. I needed a bigger bag though because it ended up stuffed with all my fidget toys and cough lollies and Ventolin to get me through the night and it was overflowing and bulky.
And here I am, with my friend and Strife producing partner Bruna (who has won Golden Globes and Emmys but never a Logie) on the red carpet at the start of a very long night, three hours after looking at my pile and my sleeping dog with mild despair. It all works out. And it's just an outfit at the end of the day (the end of the actual day did not come until midnight when Bruna and I legged it as soon as Larry Emdur left the stage with his Gold Logie and were the first in Ubers).
With the director of Strife season one, Stu Bowditch, Bruna and our writer and EP, Sarah Scheller.
Now that's a dress. Asher Keddie — Gold Logie nominee — always the embodiment of chic and cool all at once, in every room she's in.
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Featured image: Supplied.
