'I don't like my son's friend. He gets under my skin.'

Despite my very best intentions to hold it in I groaned out loud the other day when my son asked me if a certain friend could come over to play.

Really him again?

My son frowned at me. I thought you liked my friends Mama?

I quickly covered my tracks. Of course I do. I was thinking of something else. Sure lets ask him.

But inside my stomach clenched.

There is one of my children’s friends who I just don’t like.

I don’t like to admit it but this kid gets under my skin.

My son frowned at me. I thought you liked my friends. Image via iStock.

There is something about him, the way he talks to me, the way he talks to my other children, the sneaky way he slides into the pantry when no one is looking and steals butter biscuits from the bickie tin.

It’s a feeling I can’t quite put my finger on and one that deep down feels a little incongruous, as after all I’m an adult and he is a child.

But I still don’t like him.

I don't like his self assuredness, his familiarity, his lack of respect that doesn’t quite tip over the edge, just laps at it. He grates on me and I breath a sigh of relief when he’s not at the park, or in the playground.

If I had my choice he wouldn’t be around my kids at all, he’d be just a face at school, a child we pass in the street.

But it’s not my choice because my son thinks this kid is the bees knees.

I know that with three kids the chances are at some stage I am going to come across one, or two of their friends that I don’t like.

Post continues after video...

I had assumed that it would be because I felt they were a bad influence, or that they were encouraging bad behaviour in my kids. I didn’t expect it to be just because I think the kid is a bit of a shit.

At first I discouraged my son from spending time with him. I’d find reasons we were busy, or other children to invite over. So many other children - delightful funny children, quirky odd children. Children I enjoy my son being around, children I like to talk to.

Why don't you play with those kids?

But it didn’t work. It never does does it?

Turns out he's a great kid. Image via iStock.

So I spoke to the teacher at school trying to subtly express my concerns without sounding like an overbearing mother. I was convinced that my gut feeling meant something. I mean you didn't just dislike someone - a kid - for no reason. My feeling must have meant something right?

You can imagine how that went can’t you?

Turns out the child is intelligent, popular, a little loud at times and influential over my son but in her opinion not a problem.... a great kid.

So there I was.

An adult with a childlike dislike for an okay kid.

I really like you. Truly I do. Image via iStock.

We all know how important friendships are in creating a sense of belonging for our kids, in giving them security and love.

We know that as parents we can have a positive impact on our child’s friendships – help them make connections that will benefit them. We know that the way we treat our children's friends rubs off on them so I vowed not to let my feelings show through.

What I secretly wished though was that there was a way to stop them being mates.

Clinical psychologist Kirsten Cullen Sharma, co-director of the early childhood clinical service at the NYU Langone Medical Center's Child Study Center, told CNN when presented with the same problem that most of the time the answer is no - you can't "just stop them being mates."

Its unfair and wrong. Parents should not intervene just because they don’t like a friend.

She says the first thing parents need to ask themselves is why they don't like one of their children's friends.

"Is it because they don't like that person's mum? Is it because that kid gets really good grades and it's easy for them and that person is a little narcissistic? Or is it something that is really serious that you're worried your child would model an unhealthy behaviour?" she said.

"I think parents need to understand why they have these feelings and where they're coming from."

I tried. I tried to reason to myself that this child I don’t like is popular and friendly. He doesn’t get in trouble and he makes my son happy. I tried work work out why and the best that I came up with was that the person with the problem here is me.

Weekend playdate here we come. Image via iStock.

I know that one day I am going to encounter a child who is toxic for my child – a friendship that really needs heading off before it develops, but until then it seems that the best advice I can give myself is to just hold my breath and count to 20.

So weekend play date here we come. Wish me luck.