8 promises that will make you feel good about who you are.

Most people are unkind to themselves. They make harsh judgements, engage in endless self-criticism and can’t forgive even the smallest of failings … then wonder why they don’t feel so great about themselves.

Best-selling author Domonique Bertolucci gives Debrief Daily readers an insight into the ‘8 promises’ that will show you how to be as kind to yourself as you are to the other important people in your life.

1. Accept your imperfections

I’m perfectly imperfect.

There is no such thing as perfection, yet so many people exhaust themselves and erode their confidence pursuing it.

Accept your imperfections means you recognise you have strengths and weaknesses. You acknowledge that, like everyone else, you have many positive qualities and other, less positive ones … and that’s okay.

Once you accept your imperfections, you can use your positive qualities to their fullest. You can also decide which less-than-ideal qualities you want to invest energy in improving and which one everyone else will need to accept as ‘part of the parcel’.

2. Always do your best 

I always do my best - and my best is always good enough.

When you set goals you have no real chance of achieving, you set yourself up for failure; when you promise to always do your best you have much more realistic expectations of yourself and what you can achieve. Your sense of self worth is no longer dependent on outcomes and you will feel good about who you are regardless of what you have or haven’t achieved.

When you truly believe your best is good enough you can accept this might just be a bad day.

3. Stop comparing yourself 

I have no need to see myself as more or less than anyone else.

Whether it’s your neighbours, celebrities or the people you see on reality TV, comparing yourself to others will usually leave you feeling inadequate. Even if you find yourself thinking you are better or superior in some way, your self esteem will only get a short-term boost.

When you stop comparing yourself to others, the only person you will need to impress is yourself. You will be able to source your confidence from within and it will no longer be affected by anything anyone else says, does or has.

4. Believe in your potential 

I fully expect my life to be happy and rewarding.

Not only is worrying a big waste of energy, it also sends a clear message to your subconscious about your expectations in life. Instead of worrying about things that might never happen, when you believe in your potential, you are able to focus your attention and your efforts on making the things you do want your reality.

You don’t have to be in denial about negative possibilities, but once you’ve acknowledged your fears or the worst-case scenario, you can put them to the side and continue on towards a rewarding future.

5. Silence your inner critic 

I only welcome thoughts that support and encourage me.

You are the guardian of your self-esteem. The way you speak to yourself has a big bearing on how you feel about yourself; if you speak to yourself in a harsh, critical or belittling way, your confidence will wither, but if you silence your inner critic and never speak to yourself more harshly than you would to a small child, you will nurture your confidence and allow your self-esteem to flourish.

Changing the way you think takes practice, but while you might not be able to control every thought you have, you will be able to decide which ones you pay attention to.

6. Challenge yourself 

I am brave and willing to step outside of my comfort zone.

Confidence and self-belief are like muscles; exercise them if you want them to grow stronger. One of the best ways is by stepping outside of your comfort zone. When you challenge yourself, you tell your subconscious you believe in yourself and you are willing to back yourself in new circumstances and situations.

Regardless of how you feel doing something new, you will always feel great for having done it. And you'll get the added confidence boost of discovering you are not bad at all at something you never knew you could do.

7. Stop making excuses 

I take full responsibility for who I am and the life I lead.

Regardless of how it looks, nobody lives the perfect life. But some people are better than others at living their best life.

If you are not living your best life, examine not only the things that are getting in your way, but also the reasons you are letting them. When you stop making excuses and start taking responsibility, you can enjoy the great things in your life, but have illusions about what you need to change to enjoy everything else.

8. Love yourself 

I always treat myself with love and respect.

If you want to feel good about who you are and the life you live, make building your confidence and self-belief a high priority. Love yourself. Treat yourself with as much love and respect as you would your closest friend, be understanding and forgiving of your failings and, above all, be as kind to yourself as you are to the other important people in your life.

When you commit to the Eight Promises, your life you will no longer be burdened with anxiety, doubt or insecurity. Instead, you will feel good about who you are and the life you live.

Not just some of the time, but all of the time.

This is an edited extract from The Kindness Pact by Domonique Bertolucci published by Hardie Grant Books, on sale now.

If you would like to learn even more about the Eight Promises and how to change the way you feel about who you are and the life you live, you can download The Kindness Pact Workbook, full of exercises, ideas and inspiration, free from domoniquebertolucci.com

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