Do you hop into bed, close your eyes and fall asleep easily? Or does your busy brain take a while to switch off, as you think about all the things you need to do tomorrow?
Do you need a certain environment or triggers to help you fall asleep – a darkened room? A warm drink? Do you read or listen to music or a meditation? Do you snuggle up to your partner?
Now, imagine being all snuggled up enjoying a cuddle and relaxing in your partner’s arms. Then, just as you are dozing off, he or she bumps you awake and says, “get over to your own side of the bed, we need to self –settle or we will create bad habits?”
We all have sleep associations, we don’t bat an eyelid about our own quirks or needs around what helps us sleep. Yet, with even a very young baby, there is pressure to ‘teach your baby to self-settle’ – to fall asleep without any help from you.
‘Self-settling’ has become the holy grail of sleep training. One of the main reasons, apart from the sheer convenience of having a baby who falls asleep without help, is that once your baby can ‘self-settle’, they will put themselves back to sleep without disturbing you if they wake during the night.
This is rubbish – apart from the fact that you are growing a little person, not simply managing an inconvenience – many babies who happily fall asleep after being put into bed wide awake will call for help or reassurance if they wake during the night. They don’t have the brain structures to physiologically ‘self soothe’ yet, and they won’t develop these for several years.
There are many reasons for babies waking, from hunger or discomfort to separation anxiety and, just as your baby needs food to grow, they also needs the stimulation of your touch to help the development of their nervous system, their brain, their digestive system and for emotional reassurance. These are all legitimate reasons for your baby to signal that they need you, day or night.
Top Comments
pinky and these type of 'natural' mamas advocates (whatever she calls herself, u know what i mean, bf 'to term' and co sleeping, never let the baby cry), there is NO NATURAL PARENTING. we need way more people to share being a mum, a nuclear family is not natural, a mum alone, capitalism is not natural, it is all hurting us and we are strung out cause guess what heaps of us have to go to work when the kid won't sleep and its actually a nightmare. so until we can change the labour of how children are raised, go jump. do what works for you and your baby. 'crying' means different things too, it is not just shutting the door and walking away. sometime you lie there while they cry but you pat them. i just wish they would acutally shut up and let women not feel guilty.
If you havn’t got the time or inclination to be nurturing, don’t have kids.
Just because high don't follow Pinkys methods doesn't mean that you arent nuturing. Its this sort of judgemt that puts mothers off of seeking help
Agreed Cath! When we know better, we do better