Lessons from a blind date expert (including what to pack in your handbag)

By GRACE JENNINGS-EDQUIST

Bambi Smyth wanted to get back on the dating scene after her divorce.

But instead of hitting the local pub, Melbourne-based author Bambi, 55, embarked on a grand tour of the world and arranged an impressive string of blind dates with 75 different men.

Now, she’s documented her ambitious tour of countries, men and food in a new memoir, Men on the Menu.

Mamamia sat down to ask her about her dating adventures: the romantic, the offbeat and the downright creepy…

MM: Of the 75 men you dated, who did you click with most?

B: Stefano in Italy, definitely. He was an extraordinary man, so that was absolute instant click. We had a 16-hour date and I just couldn’t get enough of him. He was terribly intelligent, he was warm, he was just a very special man.

We went to four different places, we had lunch first at a little trattoria, then I met him again in the afternoon and we went up to the Caravelli, which is a very famous Roman Hotel. We sat on the balcony and overlooked all of Italy. We ate foie gras with a gold spoon and drank Prosecco and I thought,”my God, I’m falling for this man”… It was so romantic.

Then he took me to a great little diner. He said, “you must experience all the tastes of Rome”! And then after that, at 3 o’clock in the morning we went to a little bar just off the square.

MM: Did you learn of any new cultural dating traditions or faux pas?

B: I was in Japan and I found out little things, like it’s considered really rude if you put your make up on in public…

Then at the end of the date I said, “how many kisses do I give you?” He said, “no no, no, we no kiss!”

I asked if we should hug. He said, “no, no, no, we very polite, we don’t hug.” He sort of stood at attention (instead)…

MM: What would you recommend doing to prepare for a blind date?

B: Once or twice I did take out my little dating pack with my little lippie, fresh knickers and perfume and toothpaste, but it didn’t get used!

I think the thing is to wear something nice – not overly sexy – but a lot of attitude. Go in, don’t expect too much, just go for the fun of it and just be prepared!

(Although) I had a questionnaire to ask in case I got really stuck…

MM: What were those questions like?

B: I’d ask all the men how they’d impress a woman on the first date…

The Arab said he’d wrote mushy poetry even though it wasn’t true, just because it was “what women like”. The Welshman said he’d take a bath… The surfer said, ‘I suppose I’d wear shoes!’

So I never really got stuck for questions.

Then I asked them what the biggest aphrodisiac was. The guy in Brazil — who sang for me — said black mussels and oysters, and Stefano said spaghetti. I said, “why spaghetti?” He said, “because you get a strand and both nibble at both the ends and see what happens when you get to the middle!”

MM: What was the most interesting thing you learnt from the whole experience?

B: You really cannot judge a book by a cover or a man by his a wallet. He may be scruffy, but he may have the heart of a poet…

It’s really important for me not to judge them. I went over there and originally I was giving the men Michelin stars on looks and as I was writing it I thought, “who am I to judge them?”

MM: Have you kept in contact with any of the men?

B: Yes, Stefano, every now and again I email him and he flirts outrageously every time and keeps threatening to come over to Australia…

This year I went back over to France to visit Olivier in Paris… actually I was with my current boyfriend so that was slightly odd but I thought, what the heck!

Now I’ve sent them all copies of the book so I’m sure I’ll be hearing from them, if not being sued…

MM: What was the worst, or most offbeat, date?

B: The most offbeat was with a guy I was 99 percent sure was a gigolo in Monaco.

I was at the Hotel de Paris having a drink with a girlfriend, and this very handsome man beckoned us over… he wanted to us to join him. He ordered us a drink and then when he started hand-feeding me olives I thought something’s up here. Then he was asking how many stars our hotel was, he was trying to find out how rich we were…

Anyway, he dragged me along unwittingly to the most expensive restaurant in the universe, and ordered all these expensive things. I ended up with asparagus soup!

I made an excuse that I had to leave – at which he just turned around and started chatting up a model at the next table.

MM: Did you have to make any early exits from dates?

B: I stuck with most of them, especially the pre-organised ones. I wasn’t going to walk out, even if some were incredibly rude.

MM: How do Aussie men compare in terms of being good dates? Are they chivalrous? Are they ratbags?

B: They’re not ratbags. I just think they’re a bit emotionally hog-tied. I think we’ve got quite English sensibilities here…

But you go to Italy, you go to France, the men make you feel a million dollars and they’re not emasculating themselves, they’re just being lovely! I just think Australian men need to loosen up a bit. You can read them pretty clearly, but I think they might need to clean up their manners a little.

MM: Anything else you want to add?

B: I think this little line I’ve come across  that I rather like: “If you’re wallowing in a stagnant pond, go look for a lake.” Because a lot of women sit in the same old mess and think they’re stuck – and you’re not.

Just make a decision, get out, make changes, explore the world, get out of the rut!

It doesn’t necessarily mean you have to travel the world like I did.

MM: Are you seeing anybody now?

B: I am, I am… He’s a local Aussie.  It’s a bit like The Alchemist: I traveled the world looking for love in exotic places and I came back and they were sitting on my doorstep.

So I think that’s another important lesson I’ve learned: The grass is not always greener.

Men on the Menu: 75 Delicious Affairs around the World by Bambi Smyth (The Five Mile Press, $32.95) is out now. You can visit Bambi’s website here or find more details on the book here.

 

 

 

 

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