Dear Sam –
I know you’re pretty busy filming The Bachelorette at the moment. Dating a few dudes. Handing out a few roses. Having plenty of private moments with only two or three cameras present…
But I think there’s something important we need to talk about. Something that is going to help you find someone you really connect with. Something that will help you sort out how you feel about these blokes and whether they are for you.
Two words, Sam: Fuck ‘em.
Which Australian woman in her right mind would choose to mate for life with a bloke she isn’t sure she has physical chemistry with? You need to do the no-pants-dance to find out.
I think the American Bachelorette, Kaitlyn Bristowe, has the right idea.
Kaitlyn has spent the last few weeks having a great time getting to know a bunch of Bachelors. And she has done a quite a bit of pashing. But this week, she was having a great time with a guy named Nick and they decided to take it back to a hotel room where they played some classic Prince tracks and did what comes naturally to any two human beings who are listening to Prince.
Kaitlyn is a horny genius. She’s been upfront about her love of sexual intimacy (she made a pun about the Bachelor “plowing her field” when she first met him last season). And it’s wonderful: This is the first time we’ve seen a real, human, dating woman in the Bachelor mansion. She’s confused, she’s messy, she’s flirty, she’s a crier and she’s a pasher. And sometimes, if the mood takes her, she Gets Hers.
Kaitlyn’s also breaking all the Bachelor “rules”, which, if we’re honest, would be more at home in Pride and Prejudice (group dates!) than anything that reflects how actual humans find their mate. But Kaitlyn is writing her own book and making history. She’s the first to have confessed to sleeping with someone before the “Fantasy Suite” dates that tend to happen at the end of the series.
Meet Kaitlyn and fall in love with her in this Bachie trailer (post continues after video):
For the heinous crime of sex while dating, she’s received a lot of criticism from the public – and from the other Bachelors: Criticism about how she conducted herself, about the way that she’s hurt the feelings of the other blokes who are all trying to get into her pants.
Let’s remember two very important things here: Firstly, Kaitlyn has never pretended to be anything other than she is. She’s open about her sexuality and spontaneity since she joined the show. It’s what everyone loves about her: She’s hilarious and she’s different. For the viewing public to love her confidence and authenticity in one breath and then humiliate her for actually being herself, is absolute bullshit.
Secondly, the bloke who Kaitlyn she slept with, Nick, was on the last season of the Bachelorette – and on that series, he slept with the last Bachelorette, Andi, while they were on their “Fantasy Suite” date. The identity of those Bachelors/ettes who bumps uglies while in the Fantasy Suite is normally kept under wraps, but Nick outed Andi when he didn’t win, saying to her: “Knowing how in love with you I was, if you weren’t in love with me, I’m just not sure why, why you made love with me?” Let’s do the numbers here, shall we? Nick has slept with two Bachelorettes; Kaitlyn has slept with one Bachelor. And yet, no one is calling Nick a slut/floozy/whore/town bike.
In responding to her critics Kaitlyn has made an excellent point: “As the Bachelorette, you have to juggle multiple relationships at once, and you feel responsible for so many people’s feelings and emotions, all the while trying to sort your emotions and feelings and trying to find your guy. Not to date, but to possibly marry!” Preach it, Kaitlyn. If you accept the idea that people are coming on this show to find someone to spend the rest of their life with, then why not test every element of that union?
Kaitlyn lovable, honest, vulnerable, messy, horny and in a completely weird situation. Sam, you’re the only one who is going to understand where she is coming from – so it’s time for you to take a leaf out of her book:
Pash early and often. If the mood takes you, feel free to sleep with them. Sure, there will be people who will criticise you. There will be some people who think it is unseemly for a woman to express her sexuality on TV. But when it comes down to it, there will be more women who will be thinking: If I had to choose a life partner, I would want to get to know everything about them. And that includes wanting to know whether you have the same magic in the bedroom that you have in a studio under searingly hot lights with a bored camera crew watching.
Root on, Sam. We’ll be cheering for you.
xx
Can’t wait for The Bachelorette Australia? Here are some pics of Sam to tide you over ’til the premiere:
Samantha Frost
So, what do we know about The Bachelorette 2015 so far?:
The new Bachelorette has been announced.
Laurina on Laurina: Why I wasn’t chosen as the Bachelorette.
Top Comments
I find the whole scenario a bit disturbing really. In real life, we would never accept that a man or woman have multiple potential partners all hanging around waiting to be chosen. As far as "The Bachelor" goes, I think it reinforces every ugly stereotype of women imaginable. Women wait around in ball gowns and heavy makeup to be "chosen" for solo dates where they have to do what the man likes in order to impress him. On one of the American versions of this show, I watched a woman refuse to go back and have sex with the Bachelor when she was part of the final 3, but wasn't aware that she was the only one who refused his advances. She got voted off. Now this sends out a great message doesn't it? Sleep with the Bachelor or get voted off. There are people who will argue that their was more to his decision than that, but perception is everything.
I also remember the honesty of Juan Pablo who whispered to the runner up during his time as The Bachelor "I love f***ing you but I don't know you". He is regarded as the most hated bachelor ever for simply being honest. He also refused to propose to the winner because he wasn't 100% sure. Now he was publicly crucified for this, but I was secretly happy that this farce had finally been exposed. It's a shame that Blake Garvey couldn't have been this honest and saved some people a great deal of drama.
I think she looked better as a blonde..