I have two questions for you this week.
What kind of friend are you?
How would you respond if a friend betrayed you?
They’re big questions I’ve been thinking about recently after a very painful experience I had with a friend who unexpectedly and very publicly betrayed my trust last month.
It was an act that had big implications on my family and one I’m still – a month later – struggling to forgive.
Robin speaks about what happened to her on this weeks episode of The Well:
Betrayal and forgiveness. They’re big questions and this week on our podcast The Well we dive deep. Is it okay NOT to forgive a friend? Are forgiving and forgetting really so different?
But let me take a step back and answer my first question. What type of a friend am I?
I would say a good one, if not demanding! I love my friends passionately and would do anything for them, but in return I expect loyalty.
My life experience has taught me that a true friend will see you through thick and thin regardless of the journey and will stand by you no matter the situation. It’s what I would do for them! Which is why I suppose I was so shocked and devastated when a friend decided to ‘sell me out’ by taking a private photo from my very private Facebook page and selling it (or perhaps they just gave it) to the media.
Bec Sparrow and Robin Bailey recording The Well Podcast
So this week you’ll hear me trying to work through the betrayal with my good mate Bec Sparrow. We talk through what happened, the health benefits of forgiveness (and the price we pay for holding grudges) and whether or not it really matters if we forgive someone or not.
I end the episode with a message for my friend:
The Well is our podcast where we talk about the head, the heart, and the happiness of life. You can listen in itunes or Soundcloud. I hope you tune in. I’d love to hear your thoughts and advice on forgiving a friend and whether you think I’ve done the right thing. Let me know!
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Top Comments
Hello Robin,
Forgiveness allows us to live with freedom again. I have written my book From 'Shining Through from Grief to Gratitude' about losing my brother and son to suicide and acceptance and forgiveness is a huge theme. I learned that to forgive is to stop living with resentment and unresolved emotional baggage. Forgiveness is accepting that there is a greater divine plan, and we can choose to stay in flow with the river of life or loop around with undermining emotional reaction. I set myself free through mindful, compassionate forgiveness. with love Soraya Saraswati
I am of the belief that forgiveness is always for the forgiver not the forgivee.
Holding onto a grudge is only ever going to hurt yourself, it's like drinking a big bucket of poison & expecting the other person to be effected - whether you forgive them or not, their life will go on the same path regardless but holding onto that hurt & pain can have terrible effects on your own wellbeing.
I had my best friend betray me... She did the ultimate - slept with my long term partner. It was truly awful & something I wouldn't wish on anyone. Every time I thought of her, our friendship, if something in every day life reminded me of her then I would feel physically ill, I would be in physical pain as though I were having a full blown panic attack, it felt as though I had a thousand knives in my intestines. In time though I realised that all this anguish was of my own making, yes what she did was terrible & speaks volumes about her character but what was within my power & control was how I respond to that & how I dealt with it... Several years later I messaged her, I told her just that, that although I will never forget & I still don't want to be friends with her but that I understood in her way why she did what she did & that I forgave her & wish her nothing but love & happiness for her future. She sent me a beautiful message back & to this day, when I think of her I can remember the good times; the bad are just another blip in my story!