If you’re a mum, you’ll know exactly what I mean about living with the mental load.
It’s the in-your-head to do list that never stops. More and more jobs are added daily, making it feel as though you’re trying to stuff a giant sleeping bag into a sack that’s too damn small.
What’s the sexiest thing in the world? Sharing the load, of course. Post continues after video.
The appointments, mufti days, library books, car servicing, excursion notes, childcare, presents, groceries, birth control, quotes, raffle tickets, home readers, hat parades, meal planning, cleaning, dog walking, bin day, nits, thank you notes, after school activities, canteen, bills, gardening, gold coin donations, play dates, holiday bookings, lunch boxes. You know, just, ALL THE THINGS.
It wasn’t until I listened to a podcast interviewing organisation and equality guru Eve Rodsky that I thought to myself, ‘When did I become the person in charge of all the things? And how do I give some of them back?’
Much of the time, us mums take on these tasks from the beginning. We get VERY GOOD at the tasks. Too good. So good that nobody else can do them ‘right’ so they don’t even try (and you don’t ask).
Top Comments
my expecting partner shared this with me. We're finding ways to 'do it better'... Here's what I shared with her...
'Why won’t we just… share?'
Exactly. Share. Though uh-oh, shame about the question mark. Look it up lady, sharing has an entirely different meaning. It's up to you if you take on the full load and delegate what spills over. Sounds chaotic to me, own your shit lady. Sounds to me like you insisted on travelling the hard road. You'll get no enabling sympathy form me.
'You wouldn’t let your partner just ‘have a go’ at packing the nappy bag.'
Well it's a pretty basic task achievable by most humans. Shame you marryied an escape ape from the local zoo.
'I made him realise just how much invisible labour I do each day.'
'Made', because you were being oppressed and you had to step in and make it 'right'? If he doesn't get it soon, burn another bra, send up smoke signals with his wife-beater.
Here's a positive way to share.
Talk plainly and in a supportive way, easy peasy Japanese. Imagine, dear lady, if you were the only care giver on the planet, you would do a great job, I just know it, and how wonderful it is to have you on board and rearing our child. Likewise, if I was the only soul on earth, I'd smash this child rearing biz' out of the park. So it goes without saying that together there is no other option than to make the load lighter and even more enjoyable. Together we are greater than the sum or our parts. Though if we choose to contest these positive words, if we choose to block and deviate from the long enjoyable road, then you and I dear lady have no other choice but to impose a system of bureaucracy, and what a shame that would be. Sink or swim, eek, sounds like a long hard road to me. Bureaucracies, like the one laboured over in the article above, is a cessation of energetic 'flow', time will painfully slow. Phooey to that I say! There's no magic on the arduous road. Instead, there in no "no', only, "yes, I see your magical powers and the great good you do, now what good can I do", Holy shit, now that sound like a lightly-loaded plan. You got my back babe, I got you. (insert UB40's I Got You, here)
So what is flow? Well that's best defined with examples.
Friends of mine and parents of happy kids, Paul and Helen chat in bed each night to plan out the big things and the small. Jemima and Mark simply loves the traditional male/female roles, they have no issue with her nesting and him hunting and don't listen to any ignorat nay-sayer. Andrew is happy as Larry as a stay at home dad, juggling lunches and tears, as wife Nina earns the bread. They all accept each others value and worth, so the sharing is as it should be. Sure my friends get it it wrong sometimes, but in their hears they believe in each other.
Lists are good idea, yes yes.
Write it, discuss it, act it out in a pantomime, paint your ideas and thoughts in the sky, they all sound like viable options to me, yes yes. Just go with your gut and lets see what works, just go-in with the attitude of: "I am a believer of good, the giver of faith and broad of mind, and because I am all these things, I believe my partner is doing the greatest of good. I feel our united-energy, and as I wake, I reflect on the past experiences that prove and justify my good thoughts, and I feel all this goodness long before I open my eyes and start this long and challenging and happy day."
I'll say it again, here's a vow to share with your partner:
"I am a believer of good, the giver of faith and broad of mind, and because I am all these things, I believe my partner is doing the greatest of good. I feel our united-energy, and as I wake, I reflect on the past experiences that prove and justify my good thoughts, and I feel all this goodness long before I open my eyes and start this long and challenging and happy day."
my expecting partner shared this with me. We're finding ways to 'do it better'... Here's what I shared with her...
She's a nut.
'Why won’t we just… share?'
Exactly. Share. Though uh-oh, shame about the question mark. Look it up lady, sharing has an entirely different meaning. It's up to you if you take on the full load and delegate what spills over. Sounds chaotic to me, own your shit lady. Sounds to me like you insisted on travelling the hard road. You'll get no enabling sympathy form me.
'You wouldn’t let your partner just ‘have a go’ at packing the nappy bag. '
Monkey see monkey do. Well shame on you for marrying an escape ape from the local zoo.
'I made him realise just how much invisible labour I do each day.'
'Made', because you were being oppressed and you had to step in and make it 'right'? If he doesn't get it soon, burn another bra, send up smoke signals with his wife-beater.
Share: Verb: Originates from: the believers of good, the givers of faith and the broad of mind, meaning:
Talk plainly and in a supportive way, easy peasy Japanese. Imagine, dear lady, if you were the only care giver on the planet, you would do a great job, I just know it, and how wonderful it is to have you on board and rearing our child. Likewise, if I was the only soul on earth, I'd smash this child rearing biz' out of the park. So it goes without saying that together there is no other option than to make the load lighter and even more enjoyable. Together we are greater than the sum or our parts. Though if we choose to contest these positive words, if we choose to block and deviate from the long enjoyable road, then you and I dear lady have no other choice but to impose a system of bureaucracy, and what a shame that would be. Sink or swim, eek, sounds like a long hard road to me. Bureaucracies, like the one laboured over in the article above, is a cessation of energetic 'flow', time will painfully slow. Phooey to that I say! There's no magic on the arduous road. Instead, there in no "no', only, "yes, I see your magical powers and the great good you do, now what good can I do", Holy shit, now that sound like a lightly-loaded plan. You got my back babe, I got you. (insert UB40's I Got You, here)
So what is flow? Well that's best defined with examples.
Friends of mine and parents of happy kids, Paul and Helen chat in bed each night to plan out the big things and the small. Jemima and Mark simply loves the traditional male/female roles, they have no issue with her nesting and him hunting and don't listen to any ignorat nay-sayer. Andrew is happy as Larry as a stay at home dad, juggling lunches and tears, as wife Nina earns the bread. They all accept each others value and worth, so the sharing is as it should be. Sure my friends get it it wrong sometimes, but in their hears they believe in each other.
Lists are good idea, yes yes.
Write it, discuss it, act it out in a pantomime, paint your ideas and thoughts in the sky, they all sound like viable options to me, yes yes. Just go with your gut and lets see what works, just go-in with the attitude of: "I am a believer of good, the giver of faith and broad of mind, and because I am all these things, I believe my partner is doing the greatest of good. I feel our united-energy, and as I wake, I reflect on the past experiences that prove and justify my good thoughts, and I feel all this goodness long before I open my eyes and start this long and challenging and happy day."
M
And you might have guessed Dear D, that somewhere along the line I stopped writing for you and decided to share my thoughts with the masses.