Diary of the Dying
By ANA FERGUSON
“I’m sorry, it’s cancer. We can’t do anything.”
Those words change you. Your life as you know is gone, over, kaput. If you’ve ever heard those words roll off a doctor’s tongue, you know exactly what it feels like in the core of your being. You know that physical retching in your throat.
Now, let’s roll out the next steps from here on this haunted house of cancer diagnosis. Our thoughts automatically take us to the worst case scenario. “That’s it – I have cancer! I am dying! It’s all over!” And it’s not just you. Friends and family automatically go into whispering “Poor Ana, she has cancer you know – did you know she’s dying?”
Your medical support team are legally bound to tell you the worst case scenario so you get given your ‘statistics’. You are thrown onto the cancer rollercoaster, you go from test to test, machine to machine, and from results to results. Every time you open a magazine, turn the TV on or play Nosey Nelly and listen in to the conversation next to you in the cafe – without a doubt you will comes across the word ‘cancer’. It’s everywhere. Cancer is our modern day plague – 1 in 2 will have to deal with it in their lives.
Now, let’s think about how we humans operate. We have a sad need to focus on all the things mad and bad in the world. We love observing negativity, we thrive on misfortune and the media is constantly feeding our insatiable appetites for all things miserable. We just lurrrv that worst case scenario. Now, you go and do the mandatory research on cancer, start Googling your chances, and all you can see is you 6 feet under in 6 months, with a quality of life in that time you can only really describe as ‘shitty’.
Top Comments
My dear friend was diagnosed a few weeks ago with ovarian cancer. She just found out she is stage four and it's terminal. I am devastated. I thought I would be better at handling it but I don't know what to say or do.
Just be there for her.xx and encourage her to look outside the square and take control of her cancer. Get copies of bloods, reports, learn how to read the scans and make sure she is happy with her oncologist. If not find one you are happy with. This is her life and no one will fight for it harder than herself xxx
I can't wait to read Diary of the Dying. Ana what an inspiration you are!!
Everyone has a cancer story.. I have 2. My uncle died of bowel cancer in 2007, sadly he left behind a wife, an 18yo son, a 13yo daughter, a 7yo son, a 4yo son and a farm with no life insurance. Every year we hold a fundraising event on the weekend closest to his anniversary, we play cricket on an old cricket pitch on the farm and raise funds for cancer. It's a very special day for us all!
I turned 21, 4 days ago and earlier this year I found 4 lumps in my breasts, these I have had ultrasounded and core biopsied and are currently binine although with breast cancer in the family I am at a high risk. I have undergone ultrasounds for the first 2 lots of 3 months and will now have them checked every 6 months. The positive thing is I'm glad I found them - I never thought of looking and didn't really know what I was looking for but I found something and now I might always be one step ahead!