"How my sister’s detox diet ruined my life."

Okay, so this might be a bit of an exaggeration. My sister’s detox may not have ruined my life per se, but it did ruin my lifestyle, and here’s why.

My big sister is my world. We do everything together. We were pregnant together, we became mothers together and we raised our children together. She is my sister, my therapist, my biggest cheerleader and my best friend.

We see each other most afternoons after the kids are home from school and while they run around like mad, unwinding from their hectic day at school, we sit down and chat over coffee.

Then she decided to go on a detox.

I tried not to panic. I knew she’d put on a few kilos, so had I. We both do at the beginning of the year and it’s not until the weather starts to get a bit cold and we’ve had to struggle into our favourite jeans that we are faced with the consequences of our actions, those actions being eating and relaxing as opposed to exercising.

Whenever I have to lose a few kilos I just reduce my portion sizes, eat less desserts and exercise more. In a month or two I’m back in my jeans. My sister has always been a woman of extremes. She decided to do a detox. It’s one she’s done before. I’ve never seen the point of detoxing, because at the end of it when you return to your normal eating habits you ‘tox, right? You reintroduce toxins.

My sister cut out coffee, sugar and carbs. I was devastated. Not just because we wouldn’t get to share a coffee in the afternoon and I’d be eating my Mint Slice biscuits alone, but because she was in such a sour mood due to the side effects of the detox. She’d barely sit down in the afternoon, she didn’t ask about my day because she didn’t care, she didn’t listen to any of my problems or give me her excellent advice, nothing. She was tired, listless, she had a headache, she was moody and I was nothing but a carbed up, sugar eating pain in her arse.

It also cost me a fortune. She wasn’t eating fruit or vegetables for the first two weeks so every afternoon she’d stumble into my house, drag herself to my pantry, tear open my container of expensive nuts and eat them like lollies. I had brazil nuts, almonds, walnuts, hazelnuts. I have a small handful each day. She ate like a starving woman, because she was. If I’d tried to take them off her I’m sure she would have punched me in the face so I just sat quietly, nibbling on my chocolate biscuit, reorganising my weekly grocery shop in my head so I could afford more nuts.

Not only was my afternoon routine ruined, she also refused to meet me for lunch, at the shops, or anywhere she might be tempted to eat forbidden food. Tuesday-morning-before-school donut, gone. Thursday afternoon sushi, gone.

The detox is now over. Sadly my sister of extremes decided that the day after the detox ended she would consume six coffees (I really wish I was exaggerating), an extraordinary amount of chocolate and bread and lots of delicious sugar. At the end of that day she spent thirty minutes in my toilet and the next day she failed to turn up at the park for a family get together because she was in bed doubled over in pain.

How much does coffee play a part in your life? Is it the way you catch up with friends? How you escape and have ‘me’ time?