This Big Law Firm issued a special 'memo' to women. And it's utterly absurd.

“No one heard Hillary the day she showed cleavage”.

Unfortunately that’s not just a random line some dingus wrote on an internet forum. It forms part of a formal ‘advice’ that was issued to the female employees working at one of the biggest law firms in the United States.

Because just like the former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, smart lady lawyers need to be told that no matter how well researched their case, a court will always be distracted by their boobs.

The memo contained countless other wisdom filled phrases, including: “Your friends will still like you afterwards, even if you adopt a formal tone”, ‘Don’t giggle” and “Pretend you’re in a moot court, not a high school cafeteria”.

Well, forgive me but the women on the receiving end of this memo are lawyers, right? So forget about pretending – they are more likely to be in a court than a high school. And I suspect they don’t need reminding.

You can read the whole condescending memo here.

The internet basically exploded after it was published on an online community forum for American lawyers.

Justifiably, the women who work at the firm were pretty insulted. The tone of the memo treats them like 12-year-olds, it’s full of loaded (often sexist) assumptions about female behaviour and the examples are crass and insulting. Exhibit A: “Wear a suit, not your party outfit”. Yeah, ‘cos of all those female lawyers we know who rock up to work in a blinged up string bikini and stripper heels…

The firm has since apologised and said that any offence caused was unintentional. (The greatest defence of all time, eh? Shifting the blame to those who feel offended rather than those who caused the offence because obviously it wasn’t intentional).

It’s all a bit absurd. Ridiculous. Sexist. Crass. Insulting.

But.

When you take the time weed out the outrageous and gendered assumptions in the memo – there’s actually some pretty solid advice in there.

Because working in a professional environment does require that you adjust your manner, behaviour and style from your everyday, casual approach. Whether it’s wearing a uniform, or avoiding informal language or speaking with confidence – that’s part of doing your job.

And for lawyers, that can be all the more important.

A lawyer is in a position of incredible power; being able to speak a language and operate in an environment that is often foreign to their client.

As individuals who use a lawyer’s services, us lay people are often stressed, anxious, frightened and wary. So the importance of a lawyer presenting so as to inspire the confidence and trust of their client – as well as that of a judge and other lawyers – shouldn’t be underestimated.

Considering all of that, I’ve made a few tweaks to some of the key points in the lawyer memo. Most particularly, I’ve made it relevant to men as well (because, shockingly, man lawyers also speak, wear clothes and present to clients).

And I think I’ve improved the memo somewhat (She admits modestly…).

It turns out, that hidden amongst all the judgmental rudeness of the original, was some practical and helpful advice.

Take a look:

When speaking in front of a group, it’s normal to get a little bit nervous. Often this will manifest itself by you adding a lot of ‘thinking’ words into your speech. Words such as ‘like’, ‘um’, ‘ah’ and ‘you know’ are really masking the fact you’re unsure about what to say next and that can make the audience uncomfortable. When you’re nervous, practice pausing instead. Then the audience thinks you’re just creating drama or pausing to add emphasis ala Days of Our Lives and will be listening extra closely to the impending Very Important Point.

Replace with:

There’s no point trying to be someone you’re not. Presenting is about putting forward the very best of you and your ideas – so let your own personality shine through. But do ditch the inside jokes, the swearing and the ‘kinda’ ‘shoulda’ ‘woulda’ casual language. Be the version of yourself who your grandmother would be proud to take to dinner at the bowling club and introduce to all of her friends. Imagine Nana is in the audience and you’ll be just fine.

Replace with:

Please do no visualise any fat arrows. That sounds dirty and wrong and will put you off your kick-arse lawyer game. Try to stand up straight and have your shoulders back – it might feel a little bit weird but good posture gives you more confidence. Speak in your normal voice. Because that is what will make you feel the most comfortable. And don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Trying to fake a deep voice will just make you sound like Marge Simpson or the Godfather. Not very lawyerly.

Replace with:

Every workplace has some sort of uniform. It might not be as formal as a military, police or chef’s uniform but there will be a code for how you’re expected to dress. Make sure you stay in line with the code because that’s part of what is expected of you at work. If you’re in a corporate environment, then consider dressing like Hillary Clinton. The girl’s got style. Name me another person on earth who can rock an orange pants suit.

What other general sort of advice would you give to women AND men employees in corporate environments?