Australian model and tv host, Charlotte Dawson, passed away one year ago today.
On the anniversary of Charlotte’s death, we remember her beautiful spirit and battles that she fought – most of all with the mental illness that stalked her throughout her life.
Bec Sparrow wrote 12 months ago today: “I believe Charlotte Dawson was a woman with a big heart who was incredibly gracious and loving. And I worry she died without knowing that she was greatly valued and respected and wanted.”
Let this be a reminder to all of us to tell our love ones how much we value them every day and help to keep those with the biggest hearts, those who feel the world so deeply, here with us.
In memory of Charlotte, we are pleased to share Bec’s beautiful piece about Charlotte’s passing once again.
Last year, Bec Sparrow wrote…
I had a hot and cold relationship with Charlotte Dawson.
Don’t get me wrong, we never met. But when she first came to my attention on Australia’s Next Top Model (ANTM)– I wasn’t a fan.
I had vague memories of Charlotte being married to troubled Olympic swimmer Scott Miller at some point and I was aware she’d been a sometimes panellist on Beauty and The Beast with the late Stan Zemaneck years earlier but I’d never given her a passing thought (other than thinking she was extraordinarily beautiful). But when she came to my attention on ANTM? If I’m going to be honest, she irritated me.
More: “The truth about Charlotte Dawson’s death.”
Who is this woman? Why is she so mean to the teenage entrants?
That’s what I thought of Charlotte Dawson. In a nutshell: not much.
But my opinion changed. And I can tell you the exact date it changed: 28th August 2011.
Charlotte sat down with Mia to do a one-on-one interview for this very website and that’s when I saw the real Charlotte Dawson – a fragile, seeringly honest, loving, self-deprecating soul with a generous laugh. A woman who just like the rest of us was out there, doing her best and trying hard to be a contributor rather than a critic.
I sat at home that day, ready to roll my eyes and instead was mesmerised by her. Instead I wanted to be her friend. There she was, sitting on the floor of the Mamamia office, make-up free, hair pulled back and wearing simple – if not daggy – clothes. She talked openly and honestly – sometimes uncomfortably – about her history of failed relationships and her inability to choose the right partner, her reconciliation with the fact she would never be a mother, her feelings about aging in an industry that values only the very young and the paper thin.
I watched her talk freely about her use of Botox, her experiences with online bullying, her fierce support of gay right and the mothering and nurturing (clearly rarely caught on camera) that she gave the ANTM entrants. I would never have guessed it was Charlotte who was the mother hen to those girls, dishing out the tough love and reality checks along with big doses of love to the young entrants.
So on 28th August 2011, I became a fan. And from then on I went out of my way to read interviews Charlotte gave in the media to learn more about her. That’s where I read about the fact she was sexually abused as a child at the hands of an elderly neighbour. About her teenage birth mother who gave her up for adoption. About her difficult relationship with her stepfather. And her pattern for choosing (according to her therapist) narccisistic men.
This morning I heard the news that Charlotte Dawson was found dead. And I cried at my desk.
Why? I don’t even know how to explain it.
We weren’t friends by any means. We exchanged a few messages on Twitter over the years – most frequently a message of support from one to the other when things had turned ugly and abuse was flying at either of us for one reason or another. But truth be told she wouldn’t have known me in a line-up. I could have walked past her on the street and she’d have been oblivious to my presence.
Want more like this? Try: 6 weeks before she died, Charlotte Dawson gave her final interview
So why the tears?
Because I feel we let her down. As a society. As human beings, quite frankly. She was so frequently pummelled on social media – the target of the most hateful, vicious messages. And having been the target myself on some occasions – let me tell you, it’s hard for the abuse not to swirl in your head long after you’ve read it.
It’s hard for your spirit not to be irrevocably punctured; for your self-esteem not to permanently fractured when people are cajoling you to hang yourself. Or calling you a whore. (And on that subject can I just say how the hell do we expect teenagers to brush off this type of abuse when we, as adults, can’t?) Anyway.
So Charlotte was frequently attacked online and we tut-tutted and agreed that social media is awful and said, ‘Oh my God, poor Charlotte’ but then more often than not we followed it with, ‘Well what is she DOING on Twitter? She needs to stop responding”. That’s right, we told CHARLOTTE DAWSON to get off social media rather than the parasites and miscreants who have turned platforms like Twitter and Facebook into the cowardly bully’s paradise.
Read on: On the day of her memorial, a friend pays a personal tribute to Charlotte Dawson
So why the tears?
Because we are so bloody pathetic when it comes to understanding mental illness in this country which is RIDICULOUS. You know why? Because we’re surrounded by it. At least HALF the people in my friendship group are on some form of anti-depression or anti-anxiety medication. You’d never know, of course. Because still now it’s this big, shameful secret. But it’s not rare. It’s not an affliction of the weak. Or the fragile. It’s one in five Australians. You with me? According to the Black Dog Institute “One in five (20%) Australians aged 16-85 experience a mental illness in any year. The most common mental illnesses are depressive, anxiety and substance use disorder.”
So we don’t need all these hushed tones when we talk about depression or people with depression. Most of us have it, have had it or will have it at some point. Of course we will. Life is bloody tough at times. And at some point we will each be brought to our knees. I’ve had a bout of depression in my life. Charlotte battled depression for years. Is that any surprise given her childhood?
She talked openly and honestly about her struggle with the black dog and I think many of us responded by making her feel less than when instead she should have been applauded for her honesty. We should have responded not just with open minds but with open hearts and arms.
So why the tears?
You know what? I don’t know. I guess I worry that this morning her heart ached with pain and loneliness and maybe life looked impossibly bleak. I’m sad because I worry that she felt like she was of no use or not wanted or had nothing to offer. I’m sad because whether her death was deliberate or accidental – the result is the same: we lost her.
I believe Charlotte Dawson was a woman with a big heart who was in fact incredibly gracious and loving. And I worry she died without knowing that she was greatly valued and respected and wanted.
I wish I had a clever way to wrap up this column. A wise message. A moral to the story. But I don’t. I’m just sad because today Charlotte Dawson is gone.
If this post brings up issues for you, or you just need someone to talk to, please call Lifeline on 131 114. You can also visit the Lifeline website here and the Beyond Blue website here
Top Comments
Charlotte Dawson was the reason I don't do twitter or Facebook. my friends think i'm so yesterday however, although one has to be of a vulnerable mindset to feel the full impact on bullying, trolls are real and I could see that she took on board the bullying when really, that just makes the problem worse. You can't stop trolls or bullying, so turn it off. I feel very free and I wish Charlotte didn't take her life, but obvsiouly her problems were to her insurmountable. Mental illness is awful and if treatments worked for everyone we wouldn't see this happening. it's very complex, but because of her, I don't do social media. My life is better for it not worse and I have real friends, don't need to spend hours reading trivial crap and being bombarded by stuff that takes me away from what is important. But as for charlotte, a wonderful beautiful person who should still be here.
What do you do when someone close to you is obviously struggling and won't get professional help? When they get aggressive towards you for suggesting that they talk to someone? When they get angry at you for "not being there" for them when what they want from you is way beyond your capabilities? I have someone in my life who thinks I have let them down for not helping them through a mental health issue, but this person won't seek help or talk to anyone. It's exhausting trying to make a continued effort for someone who won't help themselves and isn't prepared to change anything in their life to reduce the external stressors that add to the problem. Sometimes being kind, understanding, supportive, asking "are you ok?" etc is not enough. Sometimes you do all you can and you get rebuffed and then they make more demands and you just have no more to give.
My mother was exactly like this. After 10 years throughout my childhood and adolescence, I resigned. It got to the point where it was making ME depressed and anxious just seeing her stare out the window, refuse meals, and never leave the house. I moved out. I don't talk to her anymore.
How do you help someone who refuses it? How do you help someone when it just causes harm to yourself? I feel for you, Fred. I absolutely understand. Don't forget to keep yourself healthy and happy, too!
Small steps. In your post I saw me - the person who is struggling and terrified of admitting it and seeking help. Here's what worked for me. Going on a walk together. Having a coffee. Buying a flower. Go to a movie. It's horrible being the person struggling - it requires that you redefine yourself - and any little gesture can make a difference. You don't intend to hurt those around you - it is behaviour driven by fear. And for me at least getting help - ie paying $200 per hour for a "psychologist" who did nothing and had no life reference points for me - felt like a waste of time and money. I hope this is useful for you. But whatever you do don't abandon them as the post below recommends - things will improve.
Fred, you can't help anyone and that is the truth. The process of achieving a 'survivors' mindset can only be developed by the person. Sure, you can be their friend, but as the poster carolina says below, the person struggling must redefine themselves. You can't do what is essentially a personal journey. But you can be just a friend and go to movies, have coffee, visit, ring now and then and listen, but you can't fix them. when people fix themselves through whatever means works for them, they are then better able to meet this challenge next time. there are many reasons for depression and no solution works for everyone. they may be frightened of being locked up in a mental hospital, that is why they don't seek help.