Hugh Jackman is rumoured to be dating. So how soon is too soon to date again after divorce?

If it wasn’t difficult enough for the world to come to terms with the end of Hugh Jackman and Deborah Lee Furness' seemingly unbreakable marriage, imagine our collective gasp when one of those parties debuts a new partner.

With reports already circulating that Jackman is back in the dating game just weeks after the split announcement, it may happen sooner than you think. 

And while it might seem jarring to us, for the people involved, it’s probably been a long time coming.

Separations don’t happen overnight. What feels like 'just weeks' to outsiders may be more like years to those on the inside. In fact, the chance to experience a bit of love and passion – something that’s usually in short supply during those final months or years of a disintegrating marriage – may be something one or both parties desperately long for.

"People don’t get married and have children with the idea that they will get divorced and endure that s**tshow," says relationship counsellor Susan De Campo.

'Typically, women will try everything they can think of – asking, begging, pleading, fighting, ignoring, tolerating, berating, etc – and they will reach the point where they have simply run out of ideas to have their partner acknowledge their requests, and will say, ‘I cannot do this anymore.''

Most marriages end long before the official separation.

While both partners may fall out of love simultaneously (with most celebrity couples announcing 'amicable' separations), De Campo says it’s common for one party to check out before the other, and that person will probably feel ready to date more quickly after the official separation.

Unfortunately, the complex and private nature of marriage breakdowns is unlikely to stop judgment or scrutiny from family and friends (regardless of how famous you are), prompting many to avoid dating – or do so in secret – purely because of the optics.

"This is especially so when it comes to women," says wellness coach Niki Saks.

"Women face more intense scrutiny that men because of entrenched societal norms and views. As a result, there is more pressure on women with dating after separation."

The end of my first marriage was the culmination of a years-long, tumultuous breakdown. I put every ounce of my physical and mental being into trying to save it, before hitting rock bottom and ultimately investing all my remaining energy into building the strength I knew I’d need to survive the inevitable separation.

And even after it did finally happen, it was months before we took it public. When I agreed to a date several months later, I felt ready, but I was tenuous, and concerned about what my friends and acquaintances – many of whom were shell-shocked by the news – might think.

"When one person has given up, so to speak, they may still stay in the marriage for a while. However, they will start their grieving process when they are 'done' and be many months into this journey prior to the physical departure from the relationship," explains De Campo. 

"Unless others understand this, they can be surprised at how seemingly well adjusted 'the leaver' is, [but] they’ve been grieving for a while. I’ve actually seen couples who will tell me they’ve been grieving for years prior to separation."

Of course, we may never know what went on behind closed doors at the Jackman/Furness household – that won’t stop many of us from speculating though, or likely judging their next steps.

Is there a 'right' time to start dating again?

The simple answer is 'no'.

"It is important when recovering from a breakup to always do what’s right for you. Move at your own pace. It is different for everyone," says Saks.

"Most people need a month or two to process the breakup, to mourn, and to assimilate the lessons before jumping back into a relationship," she says, emphasising this can be different for everyone, and can vary from weeks to years. Gender also comes into play.

"Women are often compelled to open up and chat about their heartbreak to most people that will listen. Talking helps reduce the emotion and sharing the burden can help speed up the healing process," explains Saks. 

Conversely, men are more likely to keep commonly experienced feelings after a breakup, such as loneliness and humiliation, to themselves, and frequently seek external validation by jumping back into the dating game.

Regardless of the timing, when you are ready to date again, Saks has this advice:

• Motives matter – check the reasons you want to move on.
• Be honest with yourself and feel your feelings – that’s what counts.
• And remember, what other people think of you is none of your business – follow your happiness as long as you are not intentionally hurting anyone.

Feature image: Instagram/@thehughjackman