All the single ladies: Rob Mills wants you to know something

by ROB MILLS

Over the last few weeks and months, I keep hearing, reading and being told that there is a man drought here in Australia.

And you know what? Notsomuch.

I hate to break it to you ladies but it’s just not true. What is actually going on here is a total breakdown in male-female communication caused by game playing.

The reason so many women are left feeling exhausted and anxious that they haven’t met the right guy has NOTHING to do with the lack of men – and all to do with the games.

Game playing isn’t good.  It leaves you all clammed up and cold. It stops you from being open and honest with your feelings. It tends to mean that someone gets hurt.

And. It leaves the good guys finishing last, again.

So I’m here today to stand up for the good guys of Australia. Guys like John.

John (made up name obviously, in fact, let’s make him John Smith just for added originality) has recently fallen head over heels for a girl he works with. Things are going along rather well – except for the fact she’s playing the game of “we can hold hands when we’re in IKEA on the weekend looking at brightly coloured plastic furniture but don’t talk to me at work when we’re around my friends”.

Could. Not. Be. More. Frustrating.

Sure, the whole ‘let’s keep our relationship secret’ act might be fun for a while but ultimately: it’s either on or it’s not.

John is one of the good guys (who I am boldly defending here with my cape on and undies on the outside of my pants) and has been upfront about his feelings. Yet she’s too busy playing games to just be honest in return.

As adults, why shouldn’t we be able to say to one another, “I really like you, but I’m not so into you that I want a relationship. Thanks for the hot sex but I just don’t want to lead you on anymore.”

And this isn’t the only game being played.

It seems to me that girls now have timers on how long they will wait for a guy to text them after numbers have been exchanged. But I’d always thought girls wanted you to wait 3 days to get in contact so you didn’t look too keen.

So the rules of the game now CONTRADICT one another. How are us humble blokes supposed to win?

A girl recently hit me up on text, let’s call her Jane (surname Smith once again, but not related to hypothetical John. There are lots of Smiths) about a date that I’d planned at a hotel.

“Hey babe, not sure if you’re overly amped about tonight, neither am I. I mean I want to have a special night with you, but do you feel like it’s the right time? It might be what we need, but in saying that, it might just be a whole lot of pretending, know what I mean?

No Jane. No. I do not know what you mean.

We have only been seeing each other for under a month.

I thought a night in a hotel would be a nice way to spend the night.

So I asked you.

You said yes.

Date organized.

And now this? No. I do not know what you mean.

The problem with the sneaky little SMS is that it doesn’t convey tone, doesn’t allow for subtlety and doesn’t fall nicely into the rhythm of a new relationship.

If we took the SMS out of the equation it would cut out the whole insane thought process that constantly spirals out of control from one conversation or misread text message.

We’ve all been there: What did he/she mean when “Ok babe, I’ll speak to you soon” comes up? What?! Soon?! Like tonight? Tomorrow?! If we accidentally bump into each other in the street in a year from now?! And why was there no “X” at the end of the message? Does she/he not want to kiss me anymore?!!! They are definitely seeing someone else.

Let’s all calm down. Let’s keep things simple. Do things the old fashioned way.

My conclusion? The SMS is an invention of evil and a key strategic device of the game players. And it must stop. This new technology is making game playing EVEN WORSE. It is ruining the game. So I’m taking my pieces, pocketing my dice, packing up my board and going home.

As a representative of nice guys everywhere, I am imploring you ladies: to pick up the phone and talk to the person you like. And if you don’t like them, then be really 19^th century and go to SEE THEM IN PERSON and tell them that.

Sure it hurts, but it hurts a whole lot less in the long run.

 Rob Mills is an actor, singer, and part time dancer. He’s currently starring in the musical Legally Blonde and was previously the host of Young Talent Time. Find him on Twitter here.

Are you or were you a game player? Do you think the SMS has made dating life easier or harder?