A mum, a full-time nanny, and a comment section that won't stop.

Danae Mercer is a journalist and content creator with more than two million followers on Instagram. The former women's magazine editor-in-chief is known for sharing honest posts about her body, her recovery from an eating disorder, and for exposing many of the tricks influencers use with filters and angles to create 'perfect' Instagrammable realities. 

Mercer openly shared her fertility journey, miscarriage and now shares her experiences with motherhood, often highlighting the truths that many celebrities prefer to hide.

Including her admission that she has a nanny.

Rather than just posting idyllic mum and baby photos from her recent holiday to the Maldives, Mercer was honest about their household set up.

"We have a full-time nanny," she posted to her 2.3 million-plus followers on Instagram.

"I’ve talked about it before, and the DMs I receive whenever I do have been, well, difficult. Vicious.

"Things like ‘I thought you wanted this baby, but now you can’t wait to pawn her off to someone else,’ and, ‘No wonder your baby looks so uncomfortable around you, she probably hates you,’ and ‘You’re a terrible mom’.

"Which is awful to hear. And maybe why I keep pulling back on mentioning just how much, how EXTENSIVELY, having a nanny has helped me."

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A post shared by Danae Mercer Ricci (@danaemercer)

Mercer's reel shows her 'holiday morning routine' with baby Aurora that includes handing her daughter to the nanny so she can exercise or work. It has been viewed more than 1.1 million times, and most of the comments under the reel itself are supportive and thankful for her honesty around accessing help.

"You have a nanny, some other women have a full-time grandmother/aunt/sister/grandfather/father/brother… helping, so I don’t see a difference here," one comment reads.

Meanwhile, another supportive comment deals with the broader issue of mum-shaming that public figure Mercer has experienced.

"Judged for being a stay at home mum, judged for going for going back to work, judged for struggling, judged for getting help... Judgement everywhere. And yet no one judges dads for any of it. I think it's so wonderful you're doing what's right for you and also being honest (not that you owe anyone)."

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While her detractors are mostly absent from her reel comments section, it hasn't stopped people criticising Mercer in her DMs and in other corners of the internet, such as the home of vicious commentary, Tattle Life.

In these challenging economic times, where many families are stressed about the rising cost of rent, fuel and groceries, most families can only dream of taking a holiday with their babies, let alone to a destination like the Maldives with a full-time nanny. So to some extent, maybe it is understandable that Mercer has received criticism.

While jealousy doesn't justify the 'vicious' or unkind commentary towards Mercer, bringing a nanny on a family holiday is privilege most mums can't relate to.

But similarly, when Gwyneth Paltrow pulled back the curtain on what she really eats in a day (clue: not a lot) to maintain her tiny, toned and unattainable figure, it is surely preferable that we understand how different the lives of celebrities really are to our own.

They have chefs, private gyms, drivers, personal assistants and, of course, nannies.

Except celebrities don't always own up to or reveal the people providing expert 'behind-the-scenes' help. It is not a requirement, and they don't owe us these details of their lives, but knowing their realities are so vastly different to ours can help us understand that the Paltrows and Mercers of the world aren't better or more hardworking than us – they're just richer.

Thanks to occasional revelations in podcast interviews (Gwyneth, it's you) – or an Instagram post in Mercer's case – the truth is revealed.

And while it is not always easy to read or see, it is at least honest.

To her credit, Mercer's revelation about her full-time nanny coming on holiday allows us less-wealthy mums to see that she is not pretending to make travel with a baby look easy and effortless.

"I have help," Mercer writes. 

"I have full-time, paid, professional help. She’s here with me on this trip."

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A post shared by Danae Mercer Ricci (@danaemercer)

And Mercer shares her suspicion that a lot of other celebrity mums are in similar positions, but they're not owning up to having paid help.

"My instinct is that SO many women in the public eye have nannies too, but don’t speak about it for lots of reasons (like the DMs I mentioned above)," she writes.

Mercer's experience with an eating disorder, coupled with her mission to help people feel better about themselves online, means that she is at least using her privilege to call out unattainable beauty standards, and is starting discussions about the unrealistic expectations of motherhood so many women face.

"Navigate motherhood as best you can. It’s magical and complex and full of the biggest love any of us could ever imagine. But it also comes with the constant feeling of doing it wrong. And the burning desire to do it better. So be kind to yourself. Be kind.

"Remember, online isn’t entirely real. Not even with motherhood. Especially not with motherhood. And you’re doing just fine."

Laura Jackel is Mamamia's Family Writer. For links to her articles and to see photos of her outfits and kids, follow her on Instagram and TikTok.

Feature Image: Supplied / Canva.

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