What Married At First Sight's Dan is really saying when he talks about Sandy's 'lifestyle'.

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If you're watching MAFS, you'll know that current groom Dan Hunjas really likes fitness.

And his "active lifestyle". And going "beast mode". Heck, even if you're not watching MAFS you may still know that, because that is how all-encompassing this show manages to become each year. 

For several weeks, Dan and his (fake) wife Sandy flew under the radar. They took things slow but seemed solid and full of mutual respect, while cheating scandals and the mess that is Harrison burned around them.

But this week, things changed. The biggest storyline of the past three episodes have been centred around Dan, his #fitspo lifestyle and his reservations about Sandy not sharing it. 

Listen as Mamamia's daily entertainment podcast The Spill discusses Dan's treatment of Sandy. Post continues below audio.

It all culminated with a 'butt-dialling' drama, where fellow cast member Evelyn said she received a pocket call from her (fake) husband Rupert, where she overheard Dan boasting about how hot his ex-girlfriends were. 

We then learned that Dan was showing the men photos to go with this discussion, comparing Sandy to the women he dated in the past.

"Dan was holding up pictures of his ex-girlfriends, belittling Sandy and saying that his other girlfriends were way better looking than Sandy was," Evelyn explained.

Audacious? Yes. Shocking? Unfortunately not.

Recently, Dan has repeatedly expressed how incompatible he believes they are: not because of differing values or morals, but because Sandy is not as 'active' as he is. At least that is how he perceives it, because he spends most of his days out without her and has made no real effort to see how she actually likes to spend her time.

"I'm a very high energy, very active man. I am climbing mountains, paddling rivers, swimming in waterfalls. You're not an active person and you don't want to be," he explained over lunch with Sandy's sister and his friend. "I'm out being very active and you're, you know, watching TV."

In an argument after he returned from a full day out without her, he said: "Sandy, I'm not going to sit on the couch all day and watch TV."

Then at the weekly dinner party, Dan explained how the experiment had helped him realise he 'had a type'.

"Coming into this experiment I never thought that I had a type, but one of the things I've been learning through this experience is that I actually do have a type.

"And that type is someone who's quite active, into fitness and all that kind of stuff."

Image: Channel Nine.

Sitting through these episodes this week, alarm bells quickly rung in my mind. To be fair, alarm bells ring during every episode because of the cheating and the gaslighting and the... Harrison of it all, but these were new ones.

It comes down to the very careful use of the words 'active' and 'fitness', the insistence of their different 'lifestyles' without actually knowing what Sandy's 'lifestyle' truly is, and most damning of all, the repeated shaming of her for sitting on the couch. 

God forbid!

It reminded me very much of a toxic dating app trend - clocked by Vogue writer Emma Specter in 2021 - about what the word "fit" means on dating profiles.

Now, if cycling or running or, perhaps even going "beast mode" is a huge part of your life, it makes sense to mention that up front. But typically, the words 'fit' or 'active' are accompanied by lines like 'takes care of their body' and 'can keep up with my lifestyle'.

It is essentially a code.

Most of us now know - thanks to years of activism and messaging from the body positive movement - that 'fit and healthy' does not always mean 'thin' and subsequently that 'thin' doesn't always mean 'fit and healthy' - but in Tinder bios and apparently also on MAFS, 'fit' is still a roundabout way of expressing what type of body and appearance you want in a partner.

This also comes after the reaction of Dan's friends at his (fake) wedding drew criticism, as it seemed like they were not expecting his partner to be a woman of colour.

Their ceremony was decorated in incredible Indian decor and Sandy, a first generation Aussie with Punjabi parents, walked down the aisle wearing a beautiful red sari. Throughout the event, Dan's friends expressed that they "definitely weren't expecting this" and Sandy was "not what they were expecting".

It immediately felt a little... off. Like microaggressions that still offer plausible deniability if/when it gets called out.

Dan is not explicitly yelling about wishing his match was a white, blonde woman with washboard abs, but the subtext is loud.

(Actually, a source told So Dramatic! in conversation with friends outside of the experiment, Dan allegedly called Sandy "lazy" and complained about the Indian music she played in their apartment. If true, case in point!)

Each week, we get angry about the other controversies beamed into our living rooms via Australia's most talked about, most consistently toxic dating show - from Harrison's gaslighting, to Adam and Claire's cheating rumour, to Melissa and Josh's many arguments about sex.

We've gotten angry at Dan too this week, but only about the things we've seen time and time again on reality shows like this, such as his deflection tactics and inability to take full accountability.

Let's extend that same energy for when men base a women's worth on whether they spend time in the gym (or simply look like they do in society's outdated, narrow belief of 'fit').

Because while it's all bad, that is a particularly insidious reality TV storyline.

• Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: JUST DATE YOUR FRIEND THEN, DAN.
• Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: SANDY DESERVES SO MUCH BETTER.
• Mamamia recaps Married At First Sight: The most dramatic butt-dial OF ALL TIME.

Feature Image: Channel Nine.