Sand in your bits is not the worst part of being caught having sex on the beach.

It’s official: Beach sex gets you nothing except sand in your privates and a place on the sex offender’s register.

Last July, Jose Caballero and Elissa Alvarez had sex on a beach in Florida for nearly 30 minutes in broad daylight as dozens of people watched. The two then fell asleep for hours before waking to publicly start to sex it up again.

Earlier this month they were convicted of the brilliantly named crime of lewd and lascivious exhibition for having sex in public, including in front of a 3-year-old child.

Now Elissa has been sentenced by a judge who has decided that the time she has served in jail already is sufficient – but she will now be placed on a Sex Offender Register.

Outside the court, her defence barrister said,”We have a 20-year-old young lady who made some poor choices and the consequences, which she never, ever intended; she never intended for this to hurt anybody, for any children to be involved — and now she has to live with this the rest of her life.”

Obviously, it was a surprise to her that there might be kids on the beach during the day. But let’s put it in perspective, she could have been jailed for 15 years…

Her lawyer continued: “She’s been designated a sex offender so for the rest of her life, as it stands now, she has to report and be treated as a child molester.”

Ouch.

So that’s the lesson here, people. If you do it in front of kids, you may be treated like a sex offender.

Previously, Mamamia wrote…

This couple were caught – on camera – having sex on the beach.

In the middle of the day.

Surrounded by families.

Not even under a towel.

Just all… out there.

Because shame is officially dead.

 Image via Fox News

Elissa Alvarez and Jose Caballero decided to spend a lovely day soaking up some rays on a popular (and crowded) beach. But it didn’t take long for Elissa and Jose to decide that building sandcastles is for chumps, so they did the next best thing to do on a beach filled with families and kids: Have sex. Sex each other. Sex it up. Touch special places. Bump uglies. Put the salami in the doughnut. Etc.

A witness told Fox News: “The beach was full of families, and it’s like they thought that nobody was there but them.”

Jose and Elissa (Image via Fox News

Apparently they lasted about 25 minutes, before taking a very satisfied nap that lasted a few hours. “We literally wondered if they were dead,” the witness said (who apparently didn’t bother to check).

Luckily the couple were alive and well, and they soon got up and went for a quick dip, before coming back to the sand and beginning Round Two of sexy times.

At least, they attempted to begin Round Two, but were finally stopped by a parent who had seen about enough peen for one day. She kept their private parts separated until police arrived, who arrested the couple.

Here’s Jose doing a handcuffed walk of shame in thong/budgie smuggler hybrid:

And here’s the video (don’t even try to pretend like you don’t want to watch it):

So… yeah. That’s pretty much where the human race is at now.

Over to you now… What’s the most outrageous place you’ve had sex? 

Like Mamamia Rogue on Facebook

Rogue is Mamamia’s space for fun, viral and random content, with everything from feminism to pop culture. We scour the internet so you don’t have to, and bring all the best bits back.