'Where have I been?' The 3-hour conversation that changed Narelda Jacobs' life.

This story includes descriptions of domestic violence that may be distressing to some readers.  

Whadjuk Noongar woman Narelda Jacobs did everything she thought was necessary to be successful.

She studied broadcast journalism at the Western Australian Academy of Performing Arts. 

She earned a job as a news reporter in Perth, then later anchored the city’s primetime bulletin for Channel 10. 

Watch: Changing the date with Narelda Jacobs. Post continues after video.

She moved to Sydney where she’d earned a place on the panel of the network’s national morning show, Studio 10. 

She developed a profile, a following, in the famously white-male world of television news.

But in late 2022, a single conversation helped Narelda Jacobs realise she wanted, even needed, to do more. Not for herself, but for her community.

Shortly after the alleged murder of Noongar Yamatji teenager Cassius Turvey, Jacobs spoke with Megan Krakouer, a renowned activist and coordinator at the National Suicide Prevention and Trauma Recovery Project. The Noongar woman had worked closely with the Turvey family to coordinate vigils around the country and amplify their message of love and solidarity.

Krakouer and Jacobs spoke for three hours that day, touching on everything from racial violence to poverty and intergenerational trauma. And when they reunited recently for a special episode of Mamamia’s No Filter podcast, Jacobs said that yarn had changed her life.

"I couldn't help but emerging after those three hours and thinking, where have I been?" she told Krakouer. "You gave me the brutal truth of the place that I had grown up in and the place that I had worked on my career and had career success. 

"You said to me, 'We're forgetting what Black excellence is.'"

In Krakouer’s view, the concept of Black excellence is too often defined by "degrees and platforms or positions". For her, it’s something else entirely: it’s about survival.

"Someone who can survive an arc of issues: a death in custody, a child removal. Someone who's gone from being homeless to now securing their own property. Someone who is a mother or grandmother that manages to keep five, 10, 15, 20 kids out of the system, or if they're in the system, helping and supporting them. That's Black excellence to me," she said.

On No Filter, Krakouer offered a small glimpse into the "brutal truth" she shared with Jacobs; one that she is confronted with every day via her work in intensive suicide outreach and prevention. The frustration of a family who had three children kept in state care (where they were hospitalised six times with broken bones) despite safe and loving care arrangements being available within the extended family. The hopelessness of a woman refused accommodation because the only ID she had was the one showing she’d just been released from prison. The desperation of young boys who commit petty crimes because going to jail means being fed.

Listen to No Filter. On this episode, Megan and Narelda have a frank conversation about how Australia is experiencing another stolen generation. Post continues below.

Krakouer laid out the numbers, too.

One in 12 men from Western Australia’s Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander population is currently in the prison system.

Thirty-one per cent of Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people live below the poverty line.

Half of the 46,000 Australian children in care are Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander.

One in 16 Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people take their own lives.

"I applaud our brothers and sisters that are doing remarkably well," Krakouer said. "I applaud our people that have made it, that go on the international stage, that get law degrees and become graduates from universities and so forth. But even though you're in all these positions, do not forget about your people... If you do, are you even positively helping to change this narrative?"

That message hit hard for Jacobs.

"Hearing that from you was actually life changing for me," Jacobs told Krakouer. "I'm actually really ashamed to say that, because I should have been aware and championing mob more than I had been, rather than just worrying about my own career. I felt like I'd been living a really selfish life."

After that conversation, Jacobs spent a day with Krakouer immersing herself in her community, talking to families about the problems they are facing and their methods of survival.

It’s something she’s determined to do more. It’s her new definition of success.

If this has raised any issues for you, or if you just feel like you need to speak to someone, please call 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732) – the national sexual assault, domestic and family violence counselling service.

Feature Image: Instagram.

TAKE SURVEY ➤