Get ready to provide some advice and collective wisdom for one woman who is in a happy relationship but has butterflies for another man. Paula* writes….
Butterflies in my stomach
“Five years ago I met a man, Zach*, I was going through my HSC examinations and he was leaving for a London life in less than 4 months, so this began as a bit of fun in the interim.
Before him I had only ever had one ‘serious’ high school boyfriend, Zach’s world was new to me; nightclubs, new music, crazy sex and butterflies- crazy butterflies all the time! It wasn’t long before we were saying goodbyes and it was all so much harder than we’d ever planned for it to be.
After he left we kept in touch, and less than a year after he left I decided to do some traveling myself to New York. I decided the right thing to do would be to pay him a visit and he seemed just as excited as I was, telling me how he can’t wait to see me and in so many words, get back together.
There were the butterflies again! When I arrived in the UK he had himself a girlfriend, she was exotic, fun, cool and… french (dammit!) apparently their fling turned into something more and I was left wondering what I had missed. Zach is lovable and funny so to hate him would be virtually impossible. I continued my journey and he, his.
Two years down the track I have met the most lovely, sweet hearted, talented man, Noah*. I would go so far as to say he is the perfect and ideal partner. He cooks, cleans, lets me be right, takes me on dates, buys me flowers for no reason, gives me back rubs, will watch ‘chick’ movies with me and practically adores me.
We talk of the future, our plans in sync. We have similar values, ideals and dreams. I know I could marry this man and lead a happy life with all the things I need and be fulfilled. The only thing is, I don’t get the butterflies.
Early last year Zach* came home, he is single and back in the same country as me (that is a start). The butterflies are so constant thinking of him, being around him, when people say his name. It is ridiculous!
I let Zach* know how I feel (via text….’coward!’ I hear you cry) I wanted to know if there could ever be anything between us again, but no reply. generally he isn’t a big mobile user so I wasn’t surprised (although maybe I just use this to protect myself?) every time I see him we flirt, he winks at me and I can’t help but put that little bit extra effort in.
Zach* and I don’t share the same dreams, he works 11 am to 1 am in hospitality, our brief conversations on marriage and family are opposing.
I dream of him and then hate myself for feeling this way. I can’t imagine causing Noah* pain, i would almost rather stay as to not hurt him, than to risk it all to chase my butterflies. I know butterflies don’t last forever but 5 years is a while!
Is My ‘perfect’ man and ‘perfect’ relationship worth throwing away for butterflies with someone who may not even reciprocate these feelings?”
Top Comments
So what happened? Did you go for the butterflies, and did it live up to the expectation your mind had set, or did you stay in a non passionate yet contented relationship and how do you reconcile that? Or have you moved on from both? I am also "content" in my relationship but I feel no passion and struggling to move on....debating whether I should give up all niceties of this relationship for the dark abyss of "hope" that someone exists that would bring what I have found in a companion already but that I emotionally attach to as well.
Read this dear :
http://www.marieclaire.com/...
Don't blow it w/ Noah.......many a women has begged me back b/c i didn't give them butterflies and the flighty feeling. ..but i offered stability, patience, security, "white flame love". They always left me for the "Butterfly Guy"...a few months in the Butterflies went to Moths and here they come rolling on back to me... As you get older these are the catalyst to building the relationship that leads to those butterfly "moments": stability, patience, security, white flame love. I say moments because they come and go. I once wasted 7yrs w/ a lady because of the butterflies and when the dust settled all we had was great sex and that's about it. It sounds like Noah is a winner and Zach is the flash in the pan. Don't buy into the dating around scheme because there isn't a guarantee you'll find another Noah or a combination of the two..also you've got to realize that time flies by and you could very well wind up missing out on your best years by searching for something that's really right in front of you and going through all sort of hurt and pain...looking for what you have...REMEMBER THIS--> A man will move heaven and earth for you...that's the way it was designed to be...but we let emotions and feelings dictate impulse decisions. And you will have people say don't "Settle" but guess what? At some point you will have to "Settle" Down......so hang in there with Noah and you will be surprised. MY Current GF started this and then she realized the value of what she has and now we are growing ever so closer by the day.