This past weekend while having drinks with friends, I was introduced to a man we’ll call Mick. Mick is in his late 40s or early 50s, has had a great, high flying career and is married to a woman who we’ll call Everly.
Mick walked up and introduced himself with a firm handshake, he’d had a few beers and was enjoying himself in the small group that had gathered for Friday night knock offs. He told me about his daughter, his recent health scare and his terrible, awful ogre of a wife who is making him mow the lawns this weekend.
You see, every time Everly was brought into the conversation, whether in a relevant and totally understandable way…
Me: “So what did you do over Christmas?”
Mick: “Well Everly (said in that overly dramatic way like she’s an actual troll who lives under the bridge of his world and who constantly needs to be asked permission to cross) wanted us to go to Bali and you know you shouldn’t argue with Everly.”
Or in completely irrelevant and inappropriate ways…
Friend: “So is this Coronavirus thing going to kill us all off?”
Mick: “I wish it would kill Everly off.”
Ugh.
This statement was followed by raucous guffaws from Mick, some polite laughter from some of the group, a ‘hell no’ face from me.
Top Comments
I'd never talk about my wife that way. But then, I don't hang out in social circles where anyone talks about their partners that way, so I don't have that peer pressure to do so. Very early in our marriage I made what I thought was a lighthearted weight related joke which really upset her, which made me realise that even though it doesn't matter to me at all, it's a hugely sensitive topic for her and it seems like for most women, ever. I've never made another one since.
I'm also not a fan of de-humanising people by not using their name: Mick is mocking Everly's name, but my dad also often says "the wife" when talking about my mum to other people. I get that's very Aussie and blue collar, but I don't like it: when talking to new people, I say "my wife, <name>" and then just use her name from then on (I'm not about to give her name out here on the internet, this is a different thing - sorry!)
This article is completely different from my experience.
My husband loves me dearly.
In Australia ,the more shit you hang on someone , the more you like them.
My husband and I share a similar sense of humour and are known for sarcastic remarks about each other.
We regularly threaten to divorce each other, knock each other off etc etc for minor infractions and it’s all in jest.
Its fun!
We are in a solid committed relationship for 16 years ( married for 14).
I love and respect my husband .
He’s a genuine and wonderful man .
Please take the time to view a different perspective on this type of behaviour.
That's great that you have that sort of relationship, but Mick isn't saying these sort of things with Everly present - if she was, then you could judge by her reaction and words whether this was a sign of your sort of relationship or whether it's more how the article implies: I think that's an important distinction.
Mmm, my ex and I were like this too. I had a couple of close friends voice concerns about the way he spoke to me. I'd reassure them we spoke to each other that way, it was part of our schtick. It took me 18 years to realise it was incredibly unhealthy, and our relationship was abusive (not just in the way we spoke to each other). I now realise how uncomfortable other people must have been listening to us. My new partner has my back all the time and is supportive and sweet to me. I sincerely hope your experience is different to mine but it did raise red flags for me.
Thanks for your concern, I do hope you’re in a better situation.
My husband and I are very happy together and our relationship is very supportive and genuine even though it isn’t conventional .
We have each other’s backs 100% of the way .
Different situations , I just wanted to flag that not everyone considers “shit canning “ offensive as the author.
Thanks for your perspective .