"You get your self-worth from others." 5 unexpected signs you're in a co-dependent relationship.

It's no secret relationships take hard work and compromise.

But every so often, the dynamics between two people can become confused. Boundaries between individuals can blur and emotional needs can intertwine, leading to personal identities becoming enmeshed.

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If you feel like this dynamic might be developing in your relationship, there are reasons why. Here's everything you need to know according to an expert.

What is codependency in relationships?

According to relationship therapist, Isiah McKimmie, codependency is often a "misunderstood and misused term" which has grown increasingly popular with the rise of 'therapy speak'. This is where terms usually only used during therapy sessions are becoming more commonly used in our everyday lives.

"Traditionally 'codependency' was used to describe an unhealthy relationship dynamic where one person would sacrifice their needs for another and enable that person’s destructive behaviour, such as an addiction," McKimmie says. 

"The term is now used more widely in pop psychology to describe a dynamic where one person gives or care-takes in a relationship, sacrificing their own needs to make someone else happy and maintain the relationship.

"Codependent relationships are considered unhealthy relationship dynamics because they are unbalanced and involve one person setting aside their own needs. They’re often not sustainable and can be volatile for this reason."

Who is likely to become codependent?

Relationships are important for our survival, McKimmie explains, yet some individuals are taught to prioritise the needs of others over their own for the sake of a relationship.

"It’s important to realise that traits we might consider as ‘codependent’ are really just coping strategies sometimes learnt during (a usually difficult) childhood to maintain relationships and survive," McKimmie says.

"People who were raised with these lessons might also find that they worry about their relationships a lot, struggle to recognise their own needs and end up angry because the other person doesn’t reciprocate how much they give."

What are the signs?

1. You continually set aside your own needs to protect the relationship.

This can vary from not prioritising your own friends, health or aspirations to invest the time in your relationship.

2. You’re not sure what your needs even are.

If you don't know what your hobbies are and are unsure of what you like to do besides activities in your relationship, this can be a sign you're not prioritising your own needs.

3. You find yourself resentful.

Often you feel as though you do so much for the other individual, but it never seems to be reciprocated in the same way.

4. You find it hard to set boundaries with people.

If you struggle to make time for yourself or express your own needs, this can contribute to an uneven power dynamic in a relationship.

5. You lack self-esteem.

Do you care about what people think a bit too much? Do you seek external validation to feel good? These factors can contribute to low self esteem and lead to codependency in relationships.

What should you do about it?

McKimmie says if notice any of these signs, to be gentle on yourself.

"It’s really important to understand that these were the best coping strategies you could develop based on your upbringing and they previously supported you in many ways," she says.

"Changing engrained relationship patterns can be scary because the other people who are used to you over-giving to them might resent changes in you. You might also find yourself losing relationships that have been important to you.

"Remember that healthy relationships have healthy boundaries. You deserve to have your needs met in a relationship too."

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